


親愛なる阿部ちゃん [Dear Abe-chan]

by Abs321



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Multi, Other, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, communication is key and ive got a million doors, eventual polycule, eventual therapy, every chapter is a rollercoaster thats how im insane, everyone is mentally ill and probably have trauma, haikyuu is real! but make them furries!, lots of suicide mentions, mha world! but with more quirkless ppl!, this is a self insert fic. this is your cue to skip this, watch me not know how to write characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:41:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29279367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abs321/pseuds/Abs321
Summary: My friend suggested a self-insert fic for my birthday and I'm making it. It's already past my birthday, but this is for future me in case they want to read this shit again.Self-insert fic because I just really like haikyuu and I'm lonely as fuck.MHA world with haikyuu but with furries and quirkless ppl are more common just pretend it makes sense.Also it's japan settings but I'm not Japanese and I'm bad at research so non-japanese dialogue will be in bold."Dear Abe-chan. I think I'll stop making these messages. I think you'll be too busy with too many things to face me again anyways. But when you ever do, I hope by that time, you think back and thank me. I want you to be concerned. I want you to be afraid. I need you to feel the adrenaline whenever you risked something, and by the time you sigh, you thanked you're alive."
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Kita Shinsuke, Miya Atsumu/Original Character, Original Character | Miya Twins, Original Character/Kita Shinsuke, Original Character/Original Character, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Original Character, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Tendou Satori, Tendou Satori/Original Character, persona/canon, self/canon
Kudos: 1





	1. It reeks of Ethyl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, Today I remember when I lost plenty of friends and then made one. I don't like him if I'm gonna be honest, but he seems nice enough."

There's a lot of things that I would love to tell to my younger self, just to see myself not believe it, then watch hope blossom in my own eyes. It's normal, I think.  
I'm also currently carrying a pretty boy in my arms while being chased by his supposed to be kidnappers. This is also normal for me, but probably not a good thing.

Kasugacho Station was probably not the best destination for a kidnapping If I was gonna be honest. But that's if I was a villain, that is. Train hopping was a rush, at least.

The wind's harsh brushes was making it hard to navigate around as two figures steady on top of the moving vehicle. The commotion was definitly attracting a crowd and a hero should come soon, or at least cops should be by the station. Dark flowing hair flutters in the wind as the figure tries to rush further away from the villains. Legs steadying with every move.

That's me by the way, the guy I'm carrying was also cute, and all but I want to at least make myself look a little appealing while I'm trying to not look like a coward trying to be a hero to some random stranger.

  
"Sorry, Hang tight ok?"

Boots shuffled, before two figures hopped to the next cart, running off to another direction. The ones chasing followed of course. The hero-wannabe hopped around, and began to blow a sickly green smoke. Not that it actually caused harm, but it did push people far away, a natural reaction, and it served as a block for the ones chasing.

I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have some sort of plan. It was afternoon and an early dismissal from school, and it just so happens I overheard a lot of things. One of them happened to be whispers with evil intents, one I could've brushed off as just people making jokes if it wasn't for the fact It actually happened. A sports team from another school was just trying to get home.

_Wait- why kidnap sporty kids anyways?_

The sudden burst of questions made the hero-wannabe stop. As the villains launch an attack as they approach, the figure just moves fast enough to push the villains off the train.  
As anticlimatic that was, I was too busy preoccupied with thoughts to really bother with anything.

_Wow. I was lame._

As I looked across, still on top of a train totally not afraid of the fact this was dangerous, I pondered to myself. And then I remember, I was carrying some kid.  
  
"Uhm.."  
  
Dark curly hair, and wow, pretty eyes and moles. Well, they were at least good looking, maybe that's why they were kidnapped. With a quick apology, the supposed to be hero-wannabe got off the train and placed the boy down as police and actual professional heroes approach.

As much as it hurts me, The pros were right, that was reckless. But I intended to do that. until I changed my mind anyways.

And as the sun sets and the long scoldings come to an end, I, Abe Janelle, found myself outside a police station. With the pretty boy too. What a shame, It's the kind of pretty that got on my nerves. I can't figure out why though.

"Be sure to stay safe"  
"yessir"  
"And get home after this"  
"Yessirrrr"  
"It's a real shame you're dropping off U.A. though."  
  
The Hero-dropout gave a look, cringing. But they responded with a 'yes' anyways, and starts gathering their things again. Nothing but luggage and a backpack. And well, one briefcase covered in a metallic grey color.

The Pretty boy gave a look, but it's hard to see if the boy was scowling or not, amazing how one can keep a mask on all the time. Unfortunately, some people are heavy breathers.

_I'm some people._

"Thank you for rescuing me." He says. Though blunt, there's not much to it.  
"Don't mention it, I didn't really rescue you."

It was the honest truth. And the dropout favors it to be left like that, so they pick up a bag, and gets ready to go again.

"You're a dropout?"

With a sigh, and a turn, "Yes. I finished one year and now I'm dropping out the course and moving to another school. Which is why heroes were still scolding me for a long time. Because not only was i not considered a licensed person to be rescuing you, I was supposed to be done with those kind of stuff since this was my last day in U.A. "  
  
Curls bounced as the boy slouched, eyes glaring.

"Why'd you dropout? Why carry me on top of the train? What was your plan? You seemed to stop running suddenly and were capable of handling the villains easily. Why'd you do that? We're you kicked out of the school? Are you having a coming of age phase and becoming a villain in secret?"

Abe shakes their head, hands waving. "I was- _No_ \- I dropped out of U.A. But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna finish highschool! I'm just switching! And I stopped because I realized my plan of 'rescuing' was well.." they stammer for a bit, language making their words stumble. But he squints, waiting for the sentence to finish.  
  
"My intentions were not saving you, it was just part of the plan. Then I realized what I was doing and changed my mind."  
"What were your intentions then?"  
"would you believe me if I said I wanted to get killed by villains?"

The conversation came to a sudden halt, the silence in the air becoming more insufferably tense.  
  
"Eh?" The other could only reply. The dropout shrugs.  
"It would be fucked up if I killed myself while I was trying to save a stranger, so I stopped. That's all."

"Do you have a place to go to?"

There was a pause. And a hesitant nod.

"Would you like to stay over until then?"

It was just a payment back. Though I really wish to decline, most especially of how much it upsets me that if someone would feel obliged to do such a thing after my intentions. But it's a free night to stay. _Who am I to decline that when I've already been losing a lot?_

_Well, for now, it just feels like I'm losing sanity again. So I nod._

"Wow. You're so unprepared."

With a gasp, the dropout glares. " _ **Motherf**_ -" They cut themselves off.  
"Rude!"  
  
"This is just to pay back. Those villains looked really disgusting."  
Then the boy looks up, and down. "Well, so are you. But at least you have a reason."  
  
Sakusa Kiyoomi, was the pretty boy's name apparently. Something he reluctantly shared but apparently asking someone to stay over was easier. The train ride was at least silent, even if it was tense.

"So, any idea as to why you were kidnapped?" Abe can't help but ask. The other shakes his head.  
  
"What we're you doing here anyways?"  
"Volleyball match."

The dropout now sighs. "Maybe you're a popular kid? or maybe you pissed off another team."  
"Maybe. What matters is I'm fine. Stop talking."  
  
  


Train rides and walks feel more pleasant and always makes everything feel like thoughts become more important. Pondering was all Abe could do as the other just..sat there. Never really talking much. Neither could complain.

"You're staying in here?" Abe asks, finding out soon they were approaching a tall building somewhere in Hamamatsu. "Yeah. Our team is supposed to be staying here. I already told our coach about you so..." Sakusa trails off as the two enter a room. Abe looks around, admiring the entire room.

It looked VERY VERY minimalistic. And too clean. Suspiciously clean. One could feel like someone just murdered someone and cleaned the up all the evidence. But before Abe could ask, they felt a wet spray all over their face, it reeked of alcohol and unfortunately, did not taste good.

"WHAT THE FUCK-"  
"You better clean yourself afterwards. Don't make a mess."  
  
Abe makes spitting noises, sticking their tongue out.  
"Listen, If it wasn't for the fact you prevented me from getting kidnapped and my coach suggested the idea, you wouldn't be staying here. I hate dirty things, so clean yourself. And you're staying in that corner." Sakusa points.  
  
Said corner was far from the bed, and wow, so this was the kind of person he was.

Abe stood there, glaring, but said nothing. Sakusa went for a bath, as he wanted, while the other just stood there. They were covered in dust and dirt, and a bath was tempting so staying clean is something they were willing to follow, it would be rude anyways to make a mess. But that boy just seems to be getting on their nerves in every way. From the way how Sakusa simply looks and how he behaves.  
It was also tempting to just start stomping everywhere and start making a mess, but again, it was rude. But still, the need to move was there, but Abe feels stuck, unsure as to what to do. They don't exactly know where to drop their bags, or where to seat, or where they were supposed to sleep.

And within a few minutes, as soon as Sakusa exits, Abe was still there. Standing like a lost child.

"You're still there?"

Abe glares, feeling embarrassed.

"You can go shower. There's a towel in the drawers." Sakusa points. He approaches with gloves on and another bottle, and starts spraying Abe's luggage.  
It was a little funny, at least.

With a snort, Abe grabs a couple of things and hops in the shower. They generously made sure they were scrubbed harshly for his highness, King 'I hate dirt and germs and talking'.  
Well maybe, Sakusa did want to talk, because as soon as Abe steps out, He holds out a spray bottle like a gun.  
Abe almost screams, but as soon as they find a moment to breathe again, they glare.  
  
"I'm starting to regret to take your offer."  
"Not my problem. You're still dangerous to me."  
"Then why'd you offer??? And you could've just said you didn't want to your damn coach."  
  
Sakusa gives a pout _which by the way the most fucking unfair looking pout, why does God give the nicest looks on the rudest motherfuckers in earth?  
_

"Shut up."

"Look- I'm not gonna hurt you, ok? And I scrubbed the dirt off myself. I'm just a messed up kid who wanted to be a hero for the attention but now I wanted to take a different road." Abe says, trying to place the spray bottle down. "Plus- whatever is in that, I don't wanna have to filter it out."  
  
The boy seemed to now lessen his guard at that. "Filter?"  
"Yeah." Abe nods "It's part of my quirk. I'm at least a little immune to some chemicals, I'll just end up sneezing it out."

Sakusa stares, and sprays anyways.  
Abe does sneeze, and the smell of Ethanol in the air was more intense.

"Assuming you were in U.A., and you pretty much saved me, then your quirk must be pretty good. Why change schools?"  
"Why are you so interested now? You wouldn't talk in the train the whole time."  
  
Sakusa crosses his arms.  
"I hate it being around too many people."  
"And what? You were too busy being cautious??"  
"Yes."  
  
Abe blinks.  
  
"I want to change schools because my own friends crushed my wish to become a popular hero and stabbed me from behind. I hated training anyways. I desire to live like a lazy fatass."  
"But you're already a little fat."  
"then I desire to be fatter. "  
  
Abe was now the one crossing their arms. "I know Japan or well- most of the world thinks quirks are amazing, but I realize I'd rather have it just a plus for me. If it wasn't for it, I would just be a normal guy going by his day, and If I realized that sooner maybe I wouldn't have wasted so many years over a dumb ambition."

Sakusa stays silent for awhile. Out of everything, he questions "You're a guy?"

The Hero-dropout smiles. "Why? am I pretty enough to look like a girl?"  
"Absolutely not."

"Thought so!" Abe smiles "Well, I'm off to my corner" they said, dismissing Sakusa and went to approach the bed on the floor along with their bags next to it.

"Aren't you gonna eat?" "I have food in my bag. I'll clean it up."  
  
Sakusa starts squinting again, and Abe just throw their hands up.  
"Seriously? Whatever you're thinking I'm not that bad! I'm just naturally ugly- Or wait-" Abe scratches their chin. "Awh, do you care about me?"  
  
"No. I need to make sure you won't kill me. Or worst."  
"What? getting you sick is much more worst than death?"  
"Yes."  
  
Abe snorts at that, but shakes their head.  
"I already saved you though? I don't really wanna hurt anyone no matter how much I want to."  
They then arch an eyebrow. "Plus, you make me mad but I wouldn't want to ruin a face of a prettyboy"  
  
Sakusa stays quiet, but they finally turn away. "That's disgusting."  
"That's my intention good sir."  
"I regret having you here."  
"Ooooo you hate me so bad it makes you look stupid"  
  
Abe finally sat down and opened a bag of chips. "Well, at least I have an idea on what kind of person you are now. I thought you were secretly a murderer"  
Sakusa stops his tracks, turning again, once again glaring. "Hah?"  
The other person gestures to the room. "Well, before finding out you might be a germaphobe, usually when things are really disturbingly clean and you've lived a life trying to run away from danger all the time, one could assume a body might've been just recently hid really well."

"I am going to punch you"  
"Please don't, I just moisturized my face."  
  
Abe then stays quiet, assuming the conversation has ended. They clack away on their laptop mouth full of chips.  
Sakusa lowers himself, leveling his eye contact with his unwanted guest. The other who was trying to do work notices, but continues typing and clicking. "Are you interested, or is this your first time having someone within your living space and that's why no matter what I say you just can't help but still feel unsafe?"  
  
The silence continues. The entire conversation earlier, though despite long, was mostly in low voices, as if neither didn't want to put the effort to raise voices.  
  
"So it's the last one huh? Aren't you fun to be around with." The last part was quieter, and was hesitant. And It also resulted to the boy spraying the bottle again.  
  
"You're annoying, but you saved me from a really large threat. I usually go on everyday always feeling prepared, so to just suddenly get almost kidnapped, it set's all alarms off. All I have is my strong hatred for germs, cautiousness, and volleyball. Meanwhile you have a hero worthy quirk, risked yourself with the knowledge that it was illegal, and you had the intent to end your life while holding one that wants to be safe. That I cannot understand."  
  
Abe looks up, Sakusa's glare was somehow harder to look at.  
  
"Then why'd you offer?" They asked. "Maybe it took you a while, but basing from everything so far, you're not the type to do that. Did you do that because you felt bad? did you felt obliged? You still did it in the end didn't you?" They continued.  
"In the end, I'm still here, You don't like that. In the end, I'm still alive, I don't like that. In the end, things just happen."

Sakusa frowns, unsatisfied with the response.  
"Don't make me cry man, everything _you're asking is so personal._ " Abe pleads, the last part was a whisper, as if their begging must be kept a secret.  
  
Sakusa continues to stare, while Abe couldn't look back anymore, Face turned away unable to force a smile now. It was so quiet. The kind of silence you'd hate to bathe in, it was suffocating. The smell of alcohol was no longer in the air, but instead, it was like something damp.  
  
The boy clicks his tongue at this, and walks away.  
He returns, throwing a roll of tissues on the shorter lad. Which of course confuses Abe as they try to suppress sobs.  
  
"Blow your nose. Don't keep it in, that's disgusting." He sighs. "Fuck you man. If you're gonna have guests next time don't go spraying alcohol on their face and interrogating. So rude." the other whines.  
  
"Give me your number then."  
"Excuse me?"

Sakusa scowls. "Don't take it the wrong way. You said it's personal, but I still want an answer. And if you do anything, I will get you to jail." he snatches the phone laying down and sprays it with alcohol. "You used to be a hero anyways right? You owe me after getting your gross snot in here."  
  
Abe could only blink, unsure on how to respond. They nod after receiving their phone back, and sighs. "I'm putting an embarrassing name here then."  
"Eh?"  
  
The other sticks their tongue out. "You have to unlock level 50 of my friendship before you get my backstory. If you want an answer, I'm trying to speed up the process."  
Sakusa starts making noises of complaints but did not make any attempts to stop the other. "Although, I'll be out by tomorrow morning anyways. So If you wanna know more, you better start talking tomorrow."  
  
"Fuck no. Just give me an answer. I don't do talking."  
"Okay interrogator."  
  
Sakusa sprays at Abe, but they laugh. "My bad, I gave you a nickname right?. 'Sorry Kiyoo-chan.'"  
There was another spray. "Never say that again."

"Make me."  
  
  
The night was cold, and I sadly spent the night with a jerk with a questionable amount of paranoia. Though I hate every moment of it, It was a free night spent NOT in the streets, and for one evening, I forget about the fact that I recently lost my trust for people.  
  



	2. and bleached floor tiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-Chan, I made another friend. This time I'm sure of it. By the way, have you tried other styles? for you hair I mean. A really short hair always sounded so appealing." 

The Trip to Tokyo from Hamamatsu was painfully long and dull. That's something that Abe can't do much, stuck in a train with just a phone to entertain them, but even that can only satisfy them for only an adequate enough of time. Which is a surprise, since they do use their phone a lot.   
  
Well, they used to, mostly to text old friends and check social accounts, but those changed already.

Sakusa was, unfortunately, a dry texter. Lightly bullying the germaphobe was fun for a short while but they knew he was going to be busy soon enough, and neither were really that close, they don't want to ruin something, even if that something is just an acquaintance. 

He had a pretty nice coach though, who seemed to understand why Abe didn't approach him or Sakusa's teammates sooner. 

  
Abe sighs again, adjusting themselves in their seat. The inside of the train was hot and the thought of people watching and judging them was making them feel more and more irritated. They think they are patient, for being able to not freak out yet. The quick to get upset but takes long to lash out kind of person, they want to believe that's what they were.   
So as the older men standing to prove that Abe was in fact, being judged, The men's huff just made Abe rolled their eyes. They finally gathered the courage to make eye contact around.

Oh. Nevermind. They were not being looked at anyways. Instead, the faraway old man was instead looking at a tall, and I mean, VERY tall lanky boy.

It looked like a case of Old people going 'ugh, teenagers.'

Mostly because of the bright red hair being held up by God's hair gel brand maybe, and the piercings..and maybe the clothes...and in the nicest way possible, also maybe the looks.   
If the boy noticed it, or maybe not, he just stood there. Not Abe's business, it was a little boring anyway. But if something escalates, now that would be something.  
  
The Older man catches their staring, and with a turn, he smiles.  
That didn't sit well with them, seeing as they were sure they were just as terrible as the other boy. Or worst anyways. It's obvious their hair were also dyed and their ear piercings are openly displayed. Abe sends a smile, but scrunched the end of their skirt. 

_Staring is rude. I remind myself._

The Intense relief was the thing Abe chased after hopping off the train. Tokyo streets were polluted, but open air is open air. They stick through the moving crowd exiting the train to face the city buildings towering everywhere. This are was most populated with quirk users, Heroes are everywhere and it feels like everyone is obviously someone with a quirk. Here, they felt normal. Though their quirk didn't really change their appearance, they had not the most attractive, not even average looks.   
It wasn't even a derogatory sentence, it was just a fact, something they've embraced. But Ah, Japan, or well, parts of humanity doesn't really like it when something stands out. It's just a thing.  
  
" _it's just a thiiing"_ Abe whisper-sings to themselves in English as they frequently check their phones, making sure they were on the right path. They had somewhere to go to after all. 

The sky was bright blue as figures occasionally pass over, possibly heroes. Or those ones with birds as animal kin. There were people everywhere, all busy. The appeal to it was easy to understand, but Tokyo was also the center of attention of criminals and villains. 

Maybe I should learn a dialect and switch to a school somewhere rural? 

They're here to take steps to that. They stepped in a large building, a special place for...special patients. 

The Lobby was wide and open, people of all sorts were all wandering around, those who worked wore a blue armband as they do their work. As Abe lines up, they notice the same boy from the train earlier. At least in this place, they seem popular, which sits right with Abe. Just a gut feeling.

"I'm here to check up with Dr.Aeneas?" They asked, the receptionist nods. "Janelle?" She poorly pronounces, but pay no mind to that.  
"Yes." Abe nods.   
  
"Well, There's someone already ahead of you hun, but you can just wait. You know his room?"   
  
Abe didn't speak, but they nod. They've been here before, though not a lot, it was enough to memorize the path to where he was supposed to go. 

The tiles were always so clean and everything resembled a large hospital, but the people inside were different. They always were, if you compare them to regular hospital patients. They were sure that most of the patients here were ex-criminals. Villains trying to get back to a 'normal' life, whatever normal is. This was the headquarters of some sort for specialized therapists anyways. Here, Abe's kind is probably rare. 

_Maybe_.

It was hard to not compare, when all the stories they've heard are villain tragic backstories, poor folks who got caught, lost ones who need to be locked up with their own rooms in the building, kids with bad upbringings. Abe could probably become a villain, but as they take a seat far from people and near the door of their doctor, they realize that even with dyed hair and piercings, they weren't there for the same reasons as the others.

The patients could tell that. That's why everytime they go here, others won't judge, but they will look, and they avoid. 

At least they felt safe this way, but it was a bit upsetting. It wasn't a case of one being a villain apologist, they just felt like in the end they're here for a change. Or maybe it's one's prides getting unreasonably hurt. _I can take care of myself.  
_  
Abe huffs and crosses their arms.   
  
_Maybe I'm going insane._

Abe doesn't know if they mean it like a joke or not, but they don't mean it in a cliche away either. It has become a regular thought that pops up occasionally.

_Or maybe I'm also overthinking it._

"Can I help you?" 

The red-haired lanky boy was staring, and was now alone. Abe yelps, and shakes their head. With a panicked state, they try to find their words while their hands flail. _No wait a minute when the fuck did they move here?_

"I uh- Sorry. Spaced out. I didn't mean to stare."

"You weren't. At any one anyways. But you scared off other patients near you. You must really hate this chair huh?" He teases, patting the chair that Abe realizes they've been glaring at.  
"You new here? Haven't seen you around."

Abe hums, shaking their head. "Been here before, but I don't go here often."   
"Whos your doctor then?" The red-head asks, eyes wide and staring back felt like the gates of purgatory was judging you. 

"Dr.Aeneas."   
"Never heard of em."  
  
The other points to a door. "They're mostly in charge of hero-course students."  
"A hero-course you sayy?" He tilts his head. "What's your nutcase then?"  
  
"Uh no no- I'm just here because I need stuff done so I can switch schools," Abe explains vaguely. They were just pestered last night about personal things, they really didn't want to think about that 'nutcase' again. The boy hums, staring, eyes trailing down. 

"..I like your nails."

Abe looks at their hands. Black coated fingernails were already being chipped away, but the index and middle finger were completely clean and freshly cut. "Thanks? They're fading."  
"Well, so are mine, need to re-polish huh?"

The boy's hands were..something. Fingers were very long, which fit his lanky figure, but Abe's attention perks up at the way the hand was displayed, It was as if the wrist had lost connection and the hand went limp.   
Abe chuckles, doing the same gesture. 

"Tendo Satori."  
"Janelle Abe. But ah- Just call me Abe. I'm more used to it."  
  
Tendo makes humming noises, eyes scanning again.  
"So you're foreign huh?"  
"Yes. Interested?" 

The two change postures, the other mimicking the other. Whenever Tendo leans back, sitting 'incorrectly' the other does the same. But neither seemed to mind, instead the air eases.

"Well well, I don't think you get hero wannabes needing specialized therapy here every day, and you seem to be the only one available to talk to in this empty hallway."  
  
Now that he mentioned it, As Abe looks around, the hall was empty, save for a couple of patients far away. Abe gives a look and points at them. Tendo shakes his head. "This place is full of interesting people but once you keep hearing all of them all the time, it kinda gets boring." then he cocks an eyebrow as he looks at the shorter person in front of him. "But this is my first encounter with a hero student and not only that, one who needs a special therapist and you said, you were going to switch schools yes?" He keeps humming again "You dropped out or something? Or..did you get yourself into some sort of trouble?" 

Abe pauses, pondering.  
"I guess so."  
  
Tendo seemed to frown a little at the dry reply. Abe smiles at this.  
  
"I dropped out from the hero course after my first year, I'll be finishing the rest of my school years somewhere else. That's all you're getting."   
"Awh how come?"  
"It's special lore for level 50 friends only."

"Ehh?" Tendo smiles, however, leaning back again. "Then I guess I gotta get there fast hm? that's the only way yeah? I just need to get everything out of you, exposed, until I get an answer?" He goes, his wide smile was unnerving. Abe nods. "Yeah."

There was another short disappointed reaction.

"Why are you so Interested though?"  
The other asks. "It's not that interesting. Also what the hell, you should tell me about you too." Abe adjusted themselves again. "Why are YOU here? How long have you been here?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know?"  
"You're going to make me homophobic"

The two share a short laugh at that. Tendo then sighs. "Wellll, It's embarrassing. But I've been going here for almost a year. Skipped a lot of checkup though, just recently started going here more often recently. It just gets so boring waiting though." 

"Dang, a year. I only started months ago." Abe pouts "But hold on, there's a lot of people here though?"

"Now now, that's not important. I'm still trying to get you to tell me some answers you know? I don't want this to get boring now." He stretches his arms out. "Level 50 friendship hmm? I see I see, I gotta get your trust hmm? Why don't we get more information out of you then?"

"I'm gonna be surprised if you're going to start asking me my favorites. I hope you get bored to death."   
"I don't need to, I just need to guess. I bet you're a strawberry-...no. I bet you like chocolate chip mint ice cream." 

Abe laughs loud. "Gross! I don't like mint. I like vanilla."   
"Seriously?" Tendo's small eyebrows furrow. "Vanilla too? I like chocolate..." He hums. "Well then, favorite color...purple?" "That ones easy man," Abe gestures to their purple jacket and bag. "try harder things to guess."

The guessing went back and forth, None really realizing how long it was, but it felt like it was. Though the red-head tend to be cheerful, his motives were hard to tell and just seemed to get just a bit irritated when he doesn't get the reaction he wanted. Abe simply just appreciated someone was talking to them. It felt comfortable too.

"I have no idea what a blocker is. Also, I dislike volleyball. A lot. I'm pretty sure I have a phobia." Abe cringes, Tendo hums. "It's just something I do. We win. A lot. My team is pretty strong, Shiratorizawa if you're ever interested." 

"Maybe I can ask someone." Then they gasp. "Oh yeah, I guess I can share this. Maybe this might be 'not boring' for you."   
  
Tendo leans in, Interest getting caught again.   
"So yesterday, there was an incident at Kasugacho Station.."   
He hums at this. "So I heard. They're bringing one of the villains in here next week. A kid was almost kidnapped?"   
  
"Yes but I'm not telling more for the sake of him."  
  
The shorter one laughed as Tendo's eyes widened. "You were there?"  
"More like I was part of it, but yeah. It was a volleyball player too. He's a bit rude though. Which was a waste since he looked pretty." 

The other wanted to ask more, but a door opened, and a stranger with bright blue hair left, and Abe's doctor stood there.  
"Ah- Sorry for the wait! Come in Janelle, I'll get your papers ready."   
  
Abe shoots an apologetic look at Tendo, but smiles as they get up to get inside.

"Now hold on plain vanilla." He grabs the shorter person. "I can't just lose like that, I was getting close to getting there wasn't I?"   
  
Abe looked just as confused as the Doctor. "Close to what?"  
Tendo just hums and smile. "You got twitter? Instagram? LINE? Maybe a number?" he passes his phone. They pressed in their number, and quickly placed in their twitter account to show. They apologize to their therapist and went inside, and of course, spared one more glance at the lanky boy. 

Tendo turns around as soon as the door was shut, satisfied with himself. He then starts looking around again, to gamble with someone. 80/20, he might make an enemy or make a friend again in a building for kinds like him. Just a little bit mentally ill. 

and maybe just a little bit in a need of a friend.


	3. You were lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, Popular kids aren't that scary."

Hyogo was peaceful enough, and when Abe moved, the neighbors were kind so far. This side of the country definitely was one where being quirkless was more common, along with animal kins being more open. It was a little odd, but it was fine. They just wished they knew their animal kin, they reminisce about their one cute apartment neighbor who had a cute daughter who had a cat as an animal kin.

The pleasant moment lasted shortly as things cut back to the present time. It's only the first period and Abe could feel an unpleasant amount of eyes on them. 

It wasn't like they didn't expect this. They mentally prepared beforehand, and until now they were still re-assuring themselves that this was to be expected, and they can just calm down and move on. But the feeling has shifted, it felt like something bad was going to happen. 

Abe won't sugarcoat it today. They looked different of course due to the fact they're not Japanese, and their weight and looks don't really make-up to the standards of everyone. And it's not really every day the school actually sees a student wearing a mix of both standard uniforms assigned to girls and boys. Something that's not normal to the others sets unease, even if Abe chose this School specifically because it at least had foreign students before anyways and was 'open-minded', the phobia for out of place things was something deeply rooted.

It's mean. It's rude. A lot of things were. It's not like Abe was glorifying other countries either, they're not trying to make a comparison. Their thoughts are so cruel, they think. But when one person spots the eyes, feels like they're the topic of gossip, feeling more and more out of place for something they can't control. 

Abe pinches their brows, trying to not look more upset, They finally caught one group looking at them while doing so. 

They pull out a bottle of sprite, drinking it, hoping it might calm down their stomach.

The other periods follow. No one has talked to them. Others threw a few questions but left shortly. 

The first day ended quickly, but the feeling just barely subsided. Abe forced themselves to walk past groups of students trying to gather club members on the first day. The English club asked if they were interested, they shook their head.  
The closer they were getting to their apartment, the more Abe calms down a little and focused on the positive things.

One of them was the uniforms, Abe approves of it, and although it just meant that they would probably feel more insecure, a majority of the students were quite attractive looking. In a generally speaking term.

The second day, the same feeling was back. And that time, a group of gossiping girls are talking about their looks. Though the name wasn't mentioned, it was pretty obvious. The whispering wasn't even subtle, It was loud and it went on until it was lunch. When Abe stood up, they turned to ask;   
  
"Uhm. If you're going to talk about me can you at least make it quieter? I couldn't focus."

It was genuine. Maybe. Abe tries to make it genuine, the whispering was annoying and they don't really want to fail their math class, even if they despise it. Abe can't help but want to throttle the girls when they finally started eating though. 

Abe purposely only ate a bar yesterday to find out a place to eat, which was a restroom, often un-used. They always ate in the stalls, finding comfort in it. They knew it was sad, but they weren't looking for pity. They were looking for a place to enjoy their lunch. That's all. 

When they went out, they pass by a group of girls, a tan-skinned girl stood out of place in the middle. 

The third day was a Wednesday. From Wednesday to Friday, the classes switch. It wasn't like the first subject they had was something they hated, but instead from what they've heard. A popular kid was going to be there. They were finally going to see one of them, but so early? in the morning?   
They internally gag at the thought of having to hear girls oogle at some guy for a whole period. 

_I have done the same sure but I'm still judging since it's gonna be annoying if the girls oogle as loud as they gossip._

When the girls in the class start shuffling, whispering how the man was about to enter the class, they mentally prepared. MAYBE the boy won't be as bad as they think. MAYBE the guy is actually nice and not that bad.

A blonde boy enters and Abe already gave up on those hopes. They turned their gaze back to their phone. 

**absizanerd** : BYE JAKSDHJH I HATE HIM ALREADY  
 **chicken tendo man** : what he look like  
 **absizanerd** : fake blonde and so rude omg he just called his hoes 'pigs' and some swooned at that ladies please get therapy </3  
 **chicken tendo** **man** : i was hoping he was one of those guys who look fake nice   
**absizanerd** : ngl me too.  
 **absizanerd** : I respect that he acknowledges that his fans are sooo fucking horny but aside from that i see no appeal. I hope he stays away.

The blonde boy did not stay away. In fact, from the corner of their eyes, the boy is assigned to sit next to them.

 **absizanerd** : CODE RED CODE RED HIS SEAT IS NEXT TO MINE FUCKIGN HELPAOSEIJD  
 **chicken tendo** **man** : HAHAHAAHA  
 **chicken tendo** **man** : enjoy :)

Facing the fact that no ones gonna help them, they focused on the class. As long as the guy is doing nothing and whatever cult he has keep ignoring them, maybe they'll be fine.

The blondie disappeared as soon as the period ended, and when the second one came there was nothing special. Abe could only remember some of the girls who also had the same period as them, they walked slow in the corridors, which was a pain, but Abe caught glances of different other people. More students who looked foreign, like a boy who looked very American, a person who just seemed to be speaking another language, a girl who just seemed to be having trouble speaking the same dialect..and...not a foreigner but the blonde boy from earlier but with gray hair?

As Abe entered their designated classroom they did remember that the gossiping girls mentioned that the popular blondie had a brother. 

Abe forgets about everything shortly as soon as the class started again.

In one of the classes Abe had on the next day, They see both of the popular kids. The Miya twins apparently, who played volleyball. _Of course_ they were sporty, which explains a lot as to why the girls are drooling. 

**absizanerd** : if I had a dollar for everytime I find out someone was in a volleyball club in just a span of 2 weeks, i would have 4. which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened 4 times now.  
 **germaphobe** : aren't you in class?  
 **absizanerd** : hasn't started yet  
 **germaphobe** : well mine is starting so stfu  
 **absizanerd** : rude ass  
 **absizanerd** : dude do you think my phobia for volleyball is out to get me or  
 **germaphobe** : i hope they touch you and you get sick and shut the hell up   
**germaphobe** : most vb players i know don't wash their goddamn hands   
**germaphobe** : do you have alcohol with you  
 **absizanerd** : is this you being nice to me  
 **germaphobe** : no I'm hoping you say no so i can witness you getting germs  
 **absizanerd** : bold of you to assume im not littered in germs already  
 **absizanerd** : but no lol I have hand sanitizer.

And Abe also had a small bottle of water. It was nothing but a comfort item, since they've always made a habit of bringing one everywhere during their hero-course days.   
They turned back to their phone with a question in mind to ask, but a sudden slamming sounds make them look up. The twins were in the front, fighting. 

Pretty common among siblings really, the whole class seems really into it though. One guy was even filming it. Abe wishes a teacher walks in while the gray-haired boy try to reach for a bag of chips the blonde boy is trying to keep. 

Somehow, the universe heard Abe, and said "No <3"

While fighting it out, the gray one smacked the blonde one's arm, making the bag fly, and as the two chase the bag, it landed on Abe's face. In just a split second, The blonde one trips, the gray one falls, tables were pushed, and Abe's face was pushed. The three were on the floor and Abe's entire body hurt.

It didn't help that They were still sitting, they were sure their neck hit the back of the chair. 

As Abe removes the bag on their face, they tried to glare, without trying to look like they're about to cry. _Or well, fuck that, everything hurts! I was right there's no appeal at all!! they're just good looks and reckless personalities!_

"Ah sorry." The gray one deadpans. It didn't sound like he meant it, but Abe takes it. It was an accident after all. But the blonde one tries to snatch the bag back, but Abe made sure he didn't, their pettiness refused to until they only hear an apology from the blondie. 

"Oi! Give that back you pig!" 

Abe pauses for a moment. 

_Mostly because I'm still translating what he said. Man dialects sure are hard. The accent is cute but what the hell?_

They finally glared, after decoding everything.  
Abe takes a couple of steps back and extends their arm out the window, hands just barely holding the plastic bag. The twins' expressions suddenly morph into fear, which was satisfying. All that power over just one bag of chips.

"Oi Tsumu- This all 'cause you didn' apologize!" The gray one whispers. The blonde one, Tsumu(?), Clicks his tongue.  
"Hey uh- Sorry okay? I didn't mean it"

The forced smile was awkward, but Abe can't help but smirk at it. It was stupid to them though, they were sure that the bag wasn't even expensive, and they can just buy more later on. But at the same time, they'd go crazy over it too, under certain circumstances of course. Abe lets their minds ponder for a bit, before looking back to the twins. They looked back expectantly, it reminded Abe of dogs, which was cute if they wanted to be honest. 

"uhm.." Abe suddenly want to ask about it. "Are you guys really the Miya twins?" They shake the bag around. "Everyone keeps adoring you both but It's kinda hard to believe. A fight in the morning, and you guys probably broke my back, and over a bag of chips? don't these cost like, 80¥?" 

The twins didn't say anything, but they did glare a little. 

"Are you guys twelve or something?"

  
"Well it's- He started it first! I bought those first and well-" The blonde one kept defending himself, his embarrassed blush wasn't obvious but it gets more noticeable the more his brother cringes at him. Abe snorts and can't help but grin.

"Man stop embarrassing yourself." They throw the bag of chips to the twins.

Abe forgets about everything the whole day, and the one time they don't pick up on gossips was when they probably needed to hear it the most.

The fifth day went by normally at first. Boring it may be, at least it felt peaceful, Abe wanted to believe they were adjusting well in the school. 

Abe sipped on their bottle of sprite.

They were thinking back to their recent classes out of boredom, trying to realize things that were already there before. Like the twins appearing in other classes, The gray-haired one, Osamu..? Was the kid Abe kept hearing eating at the back of the class. Meanwhile Atsumu, the Blondie, Just always seemed unprepared, using his cult of desperate girls and sometimes boys to borrow things. They also noticed this one tall pretty girl, Riseki was her name, She had a charming laugh and was very kind. It's not like she was one of those gossip girls, but she did talk a lot and just loud enough for Abe to hear everything. 

Stories about her little brother in the volleyball team, her boyfriend in the basketball team, which poor girl embarrassed herself, which poor boy tried to ask her out. She wasn't as popular as the twins who had popularity like they're the school's Idol Group, but everyone liked being around her. And Abe of course hears about the third year who also dresses in a mix-match of both uniforms. So there were other students who dressed androgynously, but this one apparently was adored by most, both girls and boys adoring her, but in a way where there's fear involved. Respected, in other words.   
  


_Though what was her nickname? It was an odd one._

Once Friday was done, The bell has rang and it was Abe's cue to go home, the room became empty quickly. They guessed it's because everyone was excited to go home. Or maybe because someone older looking entered the classroom. Whatever it was, it really helped raise tension.  
Their uniform looked neat, and for a second Abe thought they were looking at a Prince, but the way they smiled broke it all off. It was like the grin was meant to offend Abe, and it was working well. 

They caught the shorter one's attention in a sing-song tune, waving. "Yoohoo, Janelle-san was it?" They pronounced perfectly. "How do you know that?" Abe asks, cautious.

"How could I not? Foreign transferees gotta stick with each other, I gotta see why one of them still hasn't made any friends in a week." 

With the way it was phrased, it irked Abe. They could feel themselves frown with how pleased the other one looked.

"Awh but I did not mean it that way, that's why I'm here you know? How come I don't see you anywhere during lunch? Got anyone to talk to? Or...are you still having trouble with the dialects here?" 

Abe glares, but they shook their head and continued to pack their bags.   
"Guess so." They just mutter "Why are you interested?"  
  
"Well I have to. After all, I gotta meet the junior who managed to embarrassed the Miya twins."   
  


_Oh yeahhh._

Abe pauses again, before nodding. "Well, it's more like they embarrassed themselves."   
The older one leans on the side of the entrance, arms crossed. "Is that so?" they gave a look.

"Did you like it?"   
  
"Like what?" 

They point at Abe.  
"Look at your smile when you remembered it. Embarrassing the twins. You're a quiet and mysterious one to the school for now, but you probably wished you could do it again." 

The sudden feeling of being exposed washed over Abe as their senior approached slowly. It's annoying how it looked like they were walking down a red carpet, and their smile was still plastered on their face. 

"I totally understand that feeling! You want to see them lose their composure, want to see them mess up and ruin their image hm?"   
  
Abe wanted to deny it, but in a way, yes, they did want to see it.   
Their taller one smiles at the pout on the shorter one's face.  
  
"You know..That's really perverted."

"excuse me??" Abe gasps "I did not- I'm not that perverted!"   
"Oh but you are?"

They could feel themselves choke on their own words as the senior laughs, looking down at them. Abe knew they were short but now they felt very much little.  
  
"Now now, It's alright. But I should warn you though."  
  
The senior leans down a little, smirk plastered, and Abe's hand itched to scratch the smug grin in front of them. Their thoughts go back to Riseki's gossip again, an androgynous senpai who was attractive to both girls and boys, Like a pretty prince, but most stay away because the smile was a trap, behind the smirk was a predator who wanted to provoke anyone in anyway, a teasing master in a way.   
  
_'Don't be fooled by the looks and her nickname, as silly as it sounds.' Riseki warns to the transferees around her once._

The senior shakes Abe's hand, grin spreading. "They call me Cola-chan, Nice to meet you."


	4. in bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-Chan, do you remember them? don't fall too hard again. You probably won't. Maybe. Just focus on someone you hate to stay sane."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres gonna be implied suicide in this chappy just warning

Abe wished the weekend was longer. For two days, they spent it doing other things, but the lady from Friday stayed in their mind for a long time. Though they panicked for a bit on their way home, once Abe was calmer again, they had no idea what to do. Though they did feel threatened, it felt unnecessary.

_Again, over a bag of chips?? really?_

Abe could only conclude that cola-chan's appearance was maybe because they slighlt  
poked around the school's favorite twin's nerves.

After streaming and playing with their few online friends along with starting new and continuing old hobbies, Abe found themselves adjusting to a new schedule. It felt a little strange, but the peace wasn't just welcome, it was wanted. For once, instead of villains and hero work, They worried about what to cook and what to say to neighbors.  
It was also a little nostalgic, reminding them how extremely lazy they used to be when they were much more younger. Before they moved to Japan.

Now back to cola-chan. Abe was going back to class again in an early Monday morning. Basing from stories, Cola-chan was a teaser, that's all, they don't remember any rumors if cola-chan was a physical fighter. Quirk wise, they don't know anything as well, Cola-chan's animal kin was a cat though, but that wasn't really enough to prove anything.

Abe was trying to see and prove if cola-chan might cause them harm, right now all they have is dignity and pride slightly wounded. Just a little. What's bigger now is their need to punch the smug smile cola-chan has.

Maybe they could've last Friday, but they quickly left because their stomach hurts.  
_Don't drink 9 bottles of sprites in one sitting._

There was already a crowd inside the school, groups of club members once again shooting their shot, asking other students if they were interested to join one. Abe turns down one, and another one from the English club again.

"You should try and join one you know! Abe-chan."

The aforementioned student jerk, and find cola-chan herself, looking charming as usual. Other students admire her from afar.

"Are you even in any clubs? Or are you really a social outcast?"

As the English club manager step back from the two, Abe stares back. Cola-chan's clothes still looked nice and neat, and her hair perfectly smooth, a complete contrast to Abe's uniform that looked baggy and their hair short, messy with curls.

"Do you usually stick close to your juniors like this all the time? That's kinda scary." they ask bluntly. It was subtle, but one of cola-chan's brows twitch behind the thin bangs she had.

"Now now, I just wanna befriend you! I feel bad after all, you don't have any friends and now you're being talked about among the girls of the school.." Cola trails and starts pushing Abe to a direction.

_no, I'm pretty sure befriending me is gonna make people talk about me more._

Maybe it was her goal, seeing how other students are still looking.  
"Uhm, can you just tell me what you want?"

"Awh come on. What's the matter, don't wanna be late to class?"

_Yes, I don't._

But Abe looks away, refusing to tell more. Cola-chan's eyes reminded them of Tendo's, in a way, eager for something, wanting to get a reaction, but Tendo's was more subtle, but Cola looked determined, and she seemed to give off evil intentions.

"Don't you worry, I'm sure you can stand to be late for class at least once. I hear that your teacher for mathematics is very nice."

Cola pats the shorter student, pushing them further and into a classroom, they don't recognize, but Abe was sure they were still in the corridor for second-years.  
As soon as they enter, the classroom goes quiet, looking at the direction of the intruders.

"Hello!" Cola-chan waves, the girls smile at this, approaching while the boys stay away a little, but still looked. The girls seemed to be happy that their senpai visited again, Abe simply stood, they don't want to talk, but they don't want to look like a coward who can't talk to others.

"Oh! Cola-senpai!"

Abe's shoulder stiffens at the sight of the one and only Atsumu Miya approaching. Their eyes went to Atsumu, and back to cola, hoping that their reaction wasn't noticed.

_Wait a minute why am I scared?_

Their shoulders relaxed a little as Cola greeted back. Arm went around Abe, making them get pulled close. "I'm just here to tour my little junior around! They're verrryy shy." She teases, like an elder embarrassing a child.

_Oh god, was this the purpose of it all? Is this her goal?_

Abe sighs in an attempt to calm down.  
"Cola-san, do you feel yourself getting older? You're treating me like a child."

The blonde Miya twin snorts a little while cola-chan looks back to her shorter junior.

"Oh wait, you're the kid from last week!"  
"Thank you for just noticing, piss hair."

Atsumu frowns, and looks at cola. "Are you teaching her things?"  
Cola-chan is looking at Abe, smile wiped off her face, and boy was it satisfying to Abe. Cola-chan looks back at Atsumu smile returning though.

"Well, No. But they have a point. Urine head."

Atsumu complains, but cola-chan continues on, making fun of the blondie, sometimes it was subtle. Abe looks around, and focuses their attention on the audience. The boys and girls whisper, talking about how Cola-chan was the only one able to tease anyone, and make fun off people bigger than her, people like students in sports club, popular people like the Miya twins. Cola-chan, Coca Cola enthusiast, school's androgynous Prince charming, and Teasing Senpai.

"Yeah but I heard when the twins another fight, someone made fun of them.."

Abe sighs, they weren't making fun of the two. They were just genuinely curious. But trying to say something wont help, it wasn't worth the time, so while cola-chan continued to tease the blonde, they waved goodbye to the others who were looking and left.

Math class went through normally, and occasionally, Atsumu's blushing expression and Cola's provoking went through their head. It didn't sit well, but Abe can't draw out an explanation as to why.  
  
  
  
  
  


Tuesday's always had P.E. and it reminded Abe at how much Math was more tolerable compared to this subject. It's not they had something against sports-

_No, scratch that. I had a lot of things against it, I don't like it and I'm not sporty._

The teacher starts an Introduction to different kinds of sports, something they listened to before, and still showed not much interest to. Not when they knew they will just have bad products no matter how hard they tried. The most recent proof of that is the fact that even the hero course's harsh training and requirements didn't do much good for them.

_Well, except for my height. I'm still short but it gave me a little spurt._

Abe sighs as they pull out a notebook, scribbling whatever they wanted. The teacher moves into the introduction of team sports as their small hand scribble down little cats and doodles of people. The subject moves forward and by the time Abe was down to doodling flowers and cups the teacher talks about how by the time they finish all their lessons, they will play a team sports for grades just before exams- _wait what?_

Abe looks up, cringing. The teacher continues on, asking the students to step outside and head to the Gym. Top 10 words to make students groan. Abe can already sense the girls ready to pull out the period excuse to skip as all students line up and head to the Gym.

They wore something similar to the boy's P.E. Uniform because there was no way in hell they were going to wear shorts like the girls had.

The teacher explains that they will practice different kinds of team sports, and for the last 30 minutes, they were free to practice anything. A student raised their hand, asking "Which sport are we most likely to play for the match before exams?"  
Abe could faint. The teacher says it was volleyball.

It was dramatic yes, but the word itself makes them uneasy already. Even when they try to themselves they just have to endure P.E. for 2 more hours, and they were doomed to fail anyways, they were still afraid. From embarrassment, from failure. Maybe from proving themselves again that they had nothing good to offer.

_Somehow, I miss having to worry about simply not dying instead of this. Hero courses don't have sports do they?_  
  
  


In an hour, Abe keeps messing up with everything. Their classmates shouting 'don't mind It!' had no effect. Their mind only focuses on how the boys teases them. How the Girls giggled. How the teacher shouted what they were supposed to focus on. It ruined the calming effect of 'at least its over', instead for thirty minutes, Abe stayed away from the groups practicing dribbles and serves.

The Teacher called the class to gather and start getting ready to go back to class, it felt like it took too long, but he finally declared that it ended, and Abe can finally start feeling relief.

As they walk back to class, Abe sees Riseki approach.

_Riseki approaching._

_No hold on wait WAIT THIS IS OUR FIRST INTERACTION??_

"Abe-san, you're not very good at sports huh?" She asks and tries to give her kindest smile. Abe takes a moment before they nod with a hum. "I've never been good. I'm actually scared of it. Kind of." They reply honestly. "Is that so?" Riseki hums.  
The two walk past the next group of people who were going to use the gym. Abe gets reminded at how pretty the girls in their class are, most especially Riseki, her dark hair silky smooth and long, and she always looked approachable and sweet.

"AH!! HEISUKE KUN!! HIII!!"

_And loud._

Abe cringes from the shout as Riseki waves at the class they were passing by, one boy looked back and smiled, waving back. Abe could only assume that was her brother.

"That was my brother! Isn't he tall?" Riseki asks, Abe awkwardly nods. "He's 185 centimeters tall! And in the volleyball team." She says proudly. "Although I like basketball more."

"Is that so? You're both sporty then."

Riseki starts nodding excitedly. "Yeah! I'm the point guard! I really love dribbling, They also said if I keep doing a good job they might make me captain!"  
"Really? That sounds nice. It really fits you."  
"You think so??"

The taller girl looked at them with expectant eyes, she was a little more...loud than normal.  
"Well yeah..? Everyone seems to adore you, you're approachable and nice, I think you're pretty smart and if you're also good at sports, being captain just makes sense you know?"

Abe gets pulled into a hug and Riseki starts nodding. "Thank you! Thank you! That means a lot to me!!" And when she lets go, she gasps. "Oh sorry! I just really appreciate that! You know how it is for sports club girls."

They shoot a confused look.

"Oh. Right. Not everyone just talks about other sports you know? Yena-san in the third year quitted rugby because it's not just appreciated enough these days. There was also a boy in the photography club who died because everyone keeps having high standards for them. There was also one more years ago and I think it's because they got overwhelmed by the volleyball team. AH WAIT- IS THAT OFFENSIVE?" Riseki gasps and starts muttering a prayer.

The whole thing caught Abe off guard, but Riseki-san's short prayer gave them the chance to process the whole thing. They were reminded that people like her even had problems, though they know obviously not everyone is perfect, but it's hard to let it sink in when everyone around Abe always seemed to be good at a lot of things. Great even.

"It's okay, for me anyway. But yeah it might be offensive to the dead. Did that really happened?"

Riseki nods after her prayer. "Well, I don't know about the dead parts, I hope it's not actually true, that would be sad. But It could be real anyways. The volleyball boy's team here is really popular, but it overrules everything too hard. I think anyways!" Riseki tries to explain, her voice turning into hushed whispers in respect of the dead.  
"The photography club members often gets criticized if they don't get good shots of the boys, It's also a secret hate club for the volleyball boys, That's what I heard anyways. And the volleyball girls is really strict with their member because some only join just for a chance to get with the volleyball boys, since Rin-san managed to hook up with someone there once. Oh but she already graduated. The girls usually stop talking to me as soon as I start talking about other clubs, so it kinda makes me sad. But at least in the end, Inarizaki High has the best volleyball boy's team right?"

Abe nods, but their thoughts were running hundreds of trains. Though P.E. was their last class, all that was left was others participating in club activities and for them, it was trying to get back home, they felt the need to say something.  
Their hands stop packing for a second, and they look at Riseki.

"Um..Riseki-san.."

The girl hums, looking back again.

"Someday more people will recognize that your skills in basketball is just as good as the volleyball boy's." Abe says, bowing.

Riseki says thank you, it was like a mutter while Abe packs their bag, and left the classroom.

The new information Abe had received was...something. It was interesting, but they had no idea how to react with it. They guessed they could think about it later, they should probably check their messages, if there's any.

They check their-..

Abe checks their pockets and..  
  
  


Riseki gasps as Abe runs back inside the classroom and starts looking around.  
"Abe-san? Is something wrong?"

"MY PHONE IS MISSING-" Abe sounds distressed, they start double-checking their pockets and going through their bag. Riseki starts helping, looking around as well.  
"Do you remember where you last left it?"

Abe shakes their head. "GAH- curse my poor memory!" they start cursing and knocking on their head.  
"Maybe you left it in the locker room?"

Abe gasps, and thanks Riseki. They grab their bags and starts running to the gym once again. They almost trip a couple times, something Abe was used to but they cursed at themselves anyways. Their need to grab their phone overpowered the embarrassment of running in school corridors though.  
They burst into the gym, panting, and realized okay, maybe they should've started walking instead. They believe they just interrupted the volleyball boy's club practice.

Atsumu Miya confirms this as he was wearing a jersey, and he even points at Abe.  
"It's you again!"

Abe wanted to call him pee-hair once again, but they catch the eyes of the coach, looking at them, awaiting an explanation. Abe bows.

"Sorry for disrupting your practice! But can I go to the lockers? I think I left my phone during my p.e."

Atsumu scoffs, scowling down to intimidate Abe.  
It would've worked, given the height and muscles, but all the other needed to do was think back to the 80¥ bag of chips and all of it goes away.

"Why don't you beg for it?"  
" _Can I please rip your balls off_."

The coach approached, to the rescue. "Now now, don't be like that. No need for those kinds of words."  
Abe bows down again, apologizing. "And Atsumu, don't be rude. Since you know them, accompany them on the way."

Atsumu complains for a minute, but Abe just starts walking on the way to the girl's locker room. When the blonde boy starts following, he just keeps frowning. Abe rolled their eyes, and opens the door.

A white-haired boy was inside, gloves on.

Abe immediately slams the door closed, which makes Atsumu yelp.

"What the hell-"  
"THERES A PERVERTED ANGEL IN THERE??"

Atsumu gives a weird look, and opens the door himself.  
"Idiot, that's just our captain." He looks at the white-haired boy again. "Sorry Kita-san, Someone just wanted to get something they left in h- " Atsumu cuts himself off "Wait did you just our captain an angel??"

Embarrassed, Abe points to the captain, "He looks good-" then looks to 'Kita', bowing. "IM SORRY YOU LOOK GOOD- I MEAN. IM JUST SORRY."

Kita raises a hand, humming. "It's okay. This must be yours then?" He holds a phone in his other hand. Abe gasps and nods. "Sorry for the trouble!"  
They hold their phone close. Kita nods again. "It's alright. Just don't shout things like that again, it's a little rude. I'm just here to clean."

Abe nods again. "I understand, sorry again, I didn't know you clean here."

Once they exit the room, Atsumu was stifling his laughter. The shorter one glares at him.  
"Now look who just embarrassed herself."

"You calling me a girl is more embarrassing. I hope you get pegged."

"wait- what's a peg- What the hell do you mean??"

Atsumu keeps talking, but Abe was already trying to rush out the gym, face down.

_God sent down an angel and In exchange for the sight of him,I sacrificed my ability to look at the volleyball team. Goodbye, I'm never interacting with them again._

Abe goes home, determined to only have the memory of Kita in their head, and 100% okay with never talking to the boys in that team out of embarrassment.  
They spend the night lying awake, feeling both regret and joy. 


	5. It was sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-Chan. You ever remember morals? Thats one of the longer topics in the hero course, so I've heard. Honesty is the best policy, do you think so? White-lies is always a fun topic. Do you ever feel like you're being too nice?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied suicidal thoughts. this will keep going. its very normalized for the character.

Abe forgot that Wednesday meant they would be in a different class. With other people. And Atsumu Miya.

As soon as the blonde sits down and shoots them a smirk, they feel irked.

Gossips didn't bother Abe much, just when it was loud and distracting. That's all. They normally don't care. This was a different case, if people find out that they called the volleyball captain a 'perverted angel' out of all things, they'd rather die.

_At least I got to know how he looks like. I'm okay with dying anytime anyways. I don't even know why I'm still here._

Abe sighs to themselves. They ended up talking about the captain and only the captain last night when they finally started responding to messages. Sakusa definitely found it annoying, and Tendo just kept going 'simp'.

"Goodmorning 'angel spotter.' "  
" _Oh god_ , are people calling me that??"

Atsumu laughs, "nope, just me. But I got you, didn' I?"  
"Ugh. I hope your fangirls end up disappearing."  
"the feelins' mutual."

It was quiet for awhile. Abe focused on their own phone, and their own seatmate was sending warning glares to the girls who keep drooling at him. Atsumu then turns back to Abe.  
"So, did you do the English homework?"

"we had homework?"

Atusumu grins. "Hah! You forgot!"  
Abe nods. "Yeah. " They pause to ponder for a moment. "Oh. The one with 2 page essay. Yeah I did it." they look back at Atsumu. "Did you?"

Atsumu frowns for a second, but huffs.  
"I did." His eyes wandering to another direction."..I was wondering If I could copy yours?" 

"Why?"

The blonde scoffs. "Well I was practicing hard the whole time and didn't have the time! Practice is really hard you know."  
"No I meant why should I let you copy?" Abe waves their homework around. "And you know, Practice is hard but it shouldn't be a valid excuse for you. If you're as great as a volleyball player as everyone says, you should be able to keep your grades up to keep playing."

The blonde boy crosses their arms, pouting like a child. "What do you know about volleyball anyways?"

_Probably enough, seeing as the people I keep meeting seems to have a thing for it._

But Abe stays quiet, waiting for Atsumu. The blonde boy sighs.  
"It's a nice thing to be kind..?" Atsumu reluctantly says. "and..I really need to pass something for my grades..?"

"You don't seem sure about that."

Atsumu groans. "Oh come on. What do you want? I'll keep quiet about the thing with the captain if you let me copy!"  
"Sounds like a good deal if it wasn't for the fact you already said it out loud. Someone could've heard you know."  
"Pfft. No."  
"Mhm. I can trust you and your thousands of fans and stalkers for that."

Atsumu starts pouting again, head slammed down on his table as he look up, pleading. "Do you want me to say please? I need it you know. Samu already didn' help me and I don't wanna ask the girls. They're creepy about it. Teach is gonna kill me if I miss my homework again. Can't ya help me this once?"

They can't help but smile, so they give their papers. "With the way you looked, your eyes were pretty much saying 'please'."

The blondie smiles wide as they take the papers. "Paraphrase it though. Don't make it obvious you copied, basic rule. And I still want you to keep quiet about the captain."  
Atsumu nods. "I mean, whatever. I do have good looks like that."

The shorter student snatch their papers back.  
"I want a thank you too. "

Atsumu frowns, but sighs.  
"Thank you."

Abe gives back the papers with a pleased smile.  
  
  


"So like, why perverted angel anyways?" Atsumu whisper-asks as soon as he returns Abe's papers. "Well- he looks really pretty, but when there's a guy in a girl's locker room who doesn't look like a janitor at all..It's..you know..? I didn't want to assume the worst but It still shocked me enough."

Atsumu nods, but smiles. "But the captain is great, isn't he?"  
"Well, he IS a captain after all." Abe shrugs. "But yeah. He just has good looks so far."  
  
  


The Teacher walks in, and soon the class began.  
Atsumu passes his homework, unsurprisingly. And the lecture was almost boring...as usual.

But in the middle of class, Abe was taking down notes like everyone else. They always had a messy writing, but they didn't mind. It was harder to write fast and eligible though when it's in a language you're not too familiar with. So Abe finds themselves having to use correction tapes and white inks often.

Though that day, Atsumu whispers,  
"Hey, can I borrow your tape?"

Abe replies with a swift "no."  
The blonde reaches and grabs the tape anyways, and says "come onnn" And they were reminded that Atsumu Miya resembles a bratty child.

"No." Abe repeats, trying to snatch their tape back, but Atsumu grips it tight. "Come on- It will just be quick..!" Atsumu says, trying to keep his voice down as he tries to pull the tape, and his other hand now on Abe's other arm, trying to push them away.

"You piece of shit- This is my tape you know!"  
"I just wanna borrow it!"

Atsumu's other hand move to reach for Abe's head, a move common when the twins fight, but to Abe, for a split second, they saw a different person, a different blondie, the tuff of yellow turning into an ashy blonde. Their alarms set off, instincts settle in, so they lower down, and punch the taller one on the stomach.

As soon as the deed was done, Abe freezes in their place while Atsumu stumbles. The commotion caught everyone's attention, and the teacher sends them out.

Atsumu seemed to be able to stand, and Abe sighs at that while the teacher scolds them.

"Before you start making excuses, save it for when we go to the principal's office. Right now, reflect on your actions."

Abe frowns at Atsumu's scowl as soon as the teacher enter the classroom again. Abe deserved that, they threw the punch after all. They bowed down.

"I'm..really sorry." Abe sighs. "Genuinely. If you ever need anything, let me make up for it."

Atsumu grimaces, but scratches their head. " _Don't do that_. But your punch hurts man, if I knew you could fight I wouldn't have talked to you in the first place."  
Abe laughs awkwardly. "I actually can't fight...I think anyway, that was mostly instinct..You uh, kind of reminded me of someone for a second."

"Wow. Who hurt you?" He says, sarcastically. Abe sighs, "List is too long and I'm too lazy."

They stand for awhile, staying quiet.

"You can make up by admitting it was all your fault. I just wanted to borrow yer damn tape."  
"Thats..I already intended to do that..?" Abe rolls their eyes "And I was gonna let you borrow it anyways. I just needed to use it first."  
"Well you could've just said that!"  
"You were a dick though."

Atsumu groans. "Seriously?"

Abe lets out a short laugh. "Yeah, like a brat."  
"I'm not a brat, We're literally in the same year."  
"Okay pee hair."

The blonde grabs the shorter student, frowning. Abe laughs again.  
"Okay okay, sorry. It just feels fun to make fun of you. I don't really mean it."

Once he lets go, he glares. "You better. Geez. You're just like cola-chan."  
"So she really does tease you a lot"  
"More like she teases everyone a lot. I don't get her. But even teachers are cautious of her."

The teacher steps out, and then the bell suddenly rings. The teaches gestured at the two, and they follow him, all the way to the Principal's office. The two wait outside when the teacher head inside, probably to explain what happened.

"Man, Coach is gonna scold me for this one too."  
"Sorry. I'll buy you food if you want?"  
Atsumu grins at this. "Really? Can you get me pudding?"  
Abe nods.

As the two enter the office, the principal looks at them.

Abe gave little chance for Atsumu to talk, he didn't look like he got much to say anyway. They quickly admitted their fault and promised to never do it again. The Principal seemed to let it slide. And as promised, Abe ends up following Atsumu to the cafeteria.  
Abe bought two puddings, one for the blonde boy and for themselves.

"Eh? how come you've never been here?"  
"Reasons."

The blonde boy shrugs, eating his pudding while they both walked.  
"Don't you wanna go to your friends or whatever? or your brother."  
"Nope. I don't wanna get scolded yet."

The shorter one nods.

The two soon split up, and the day went by normally. The Blonde Miya twin was off somewhere god knows what, and Abe simply had their classes.

The day comes to a slow end, Abe finds themselves feeling sleepy and wanting to get home. As they continued to walk, they try to remember if they had any homework to finish first.

_oh. and I haven't seen cola-chan for awhile now._

Abe catches people outside the school, talking to different students. They looked liked reporters, but the lack of mics and cameras made them confused. Maybe it's for the newspaper? or maybe it's from a club. It was hard to tell again due to the fact that everyone always just look taller. One of the people approach them, asking "Are you a transferee of Inarizaki High?"

"Uh. Yes."  
"Can we ask a few questions?"  
"Sure."  
"What can you tell us about your school? Do you enjoy going here?"

Abe pauses. "Uh. It's full of interesting kinds of people, but no. I don't enjoy it, but don't hate it."  
"Is that so? Why?"  
"I think the school's students are a little too..how do I put this.. Some just gossip a lot, too much, I think."  
"But your school has one of the best volleyball teams in the Hyogo Prefecture-"

Abe frowns at this. "We're talking about the whole school here, not just the volleyball team. Yes, the team is great. good for them. But the school also offers a pretty good education and there are also other good players and sports club in here. But I also think the volleyball club overpowers the other clubs, said clubs should also be recognized. In addition, despite the fact the school claims to be open despite of different upbringings for students, I don't think the school body does a very good job at proving this."

They stop, taking a breather. "AH- but. It's just my personal thoughts." They bow and quickly take leave. "Excuse me."

_Shit shit shit. That was risky._

Abe felt their heart beat loudly with every step they take trying to get home as fast as they can. Internally, Abe always had a lot to say, a lot to complain and talk about, but filtering one's words is also important. That's something they want to work on, but it was hard. The need to talk and the fear of talking too much, both we're strong feelings and it's like when one does overpower the other, it's at the worst times.

They groan as soon as they enter their apartment. God, they hope they don't take their opinion into account.

Taking off their shoes, Abe reassures themselves that they aren't important enough. There's a large chance it will be swept under the rug and replaced with other interviews instead.

As they enter their kitchen, most of their clothes off, hunger replaces all their thoughts. They open the fridge and check for anything to cook. It wasn't like they watch TV that much anyways, or read the news.

For the night, Abe cooks a nice meal. They also debate on going out at night to go to the store, just to buy some pudding. They pull out their phone, asking their friends if they should, even when they're already putting on some shoes to buy some.

Sakusa was texting about a cleaning method he hated again, while Tendo talked about his blocking skills getting better. He even tweets about his chocolate-making skills. Abe made sure to like it, and they ponder if they should also buy a chocolate bar.  
They shut off their phone, missing a tweet about them just to look at shelves of candy bars.


	6. when I still saw you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan. How does it feel, not being able to taste conformity? Or do you still think there's nothing wrong with you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Osamu makes an appearance. Stalking, Doxing, and again, suicide implications will be talked about in here.

Abe had been gossiped before already, and it was slowly dying. It wasn't bad, they tend to tune out everything else whenever they walk by people.

"Ough-" Abe apologizes for bumping into a wall, before they realized it was a wall. Oh well.

They were still an airhead no matter how much thinking they do. It was comforting, being unaware of things..sometimes. They could just stay away from anything unnecessary as if they live under a rock, but once they're involved, they can't help be curious and depending on how bad it is, they might be concerned, maybe they won't bother with it.

Whatever problem people had with their appearance or what they did to the Miya twins were already dying, or at least reaching that point. So how come when Abe went to school on Friday, people were looking, whispering. And no matter how much Abe looked, stared back, it keeps going. It distracts them during class. And the teachers don't even acknowledge them much.

It was rude.

When the Miya twins avoided them. It was fine, they weren't close after all. But when Atsumu looked, it's like Abe had done something wrong.

_Was it because they punched Atsumu? Maybe that could be it. But they apologized didn't they?_

By the end of the day, they couldn't think of anything. They wanted to ask Riseki, or maybe cola-chan out of all people. But they didn't see the two the whole day. And by the end of it, they went home.

Dinner done, dishes washed, and the night was quiet. It was perfect, Abe could hear the fan only, their sheets were clean and comfortable. But they keep finding themselves grabbing their phone just to look at something. Getting up every two hours to use the toilet.

Did Cola stop going for them? Did they do something else? Did the school just become quieter in general? Did Atsumu pull some stupid shit and got them involved?

Abe sits up at that, frowning. If the blonde boy ever did that they will punch him again.  
But the lack of sleep makes them feel both sleepy, they groan cursing at themselves. Pleading for their brain to just shut down so they can sleep.

It continues on longer, and soon enough it was two in the morning and Abe decided to go outside. Maybe fresh air can make help, they hope.  
The neighborhood they were in was peaceful, Abe hoped there wasn't any dogs that would start barking though. They didn't want to wake up the ones who were trying to catch some well-deserved rest.

There was a small store nearby, it was open 24-7, and Abe's stomach grumble. A midnight snack run sounded nice now. Their eyes glace a small 'hiring' poster, the pause for a moment.  
After reading the paper for a while, they take a picture and went inside.

The store was colder, Abe shivers as they wander around, looking at the shelves. They look at the options they had, the bags of chips were all mostly in different flavors, but they've always preferred plain ones. Their thoughts go to Tendo for a moment, remembering how disappointed he always gets when he makes the wrong guesses when they first met.  
It wasn't the first time, but Abe thinks it's not a big deal either, they just like plain salted things. They grab a bag of chips that had salt&pepper on the bottom.

Abe looks up, hearing a ' _oh_ ' and comes face to face with Ats- _No that's the other one._

"Hi," Is all could Abe say. Osamu stood there, his eyes in a dark shade of gray, just like his hair. Compared to Atsumu, to Abe, He looked more mature.  
"Janelle-san. From Chemistry..?"  
"Yeah." Abe nods,

"abe is just fine though" looking back at the shelves. "You here for snacks?"

Osamu hums. "Yeah. 'Tsumu keeps eatin' all of mine, so I sneak out to buy more and hide em."  
"Is that so?"

They stayed quiet looking at shelves. Abe was indecisive, can't choose between two brands of chocolate bars. But if they didn't get chocolate they can buy their favorite drink in a bigger size instead. Abe clicks their tongue because they WANT to eat chocolate though.

"I heard you two were seen in the cafeteria."

Abe cringes, "Why do you make it sound like we were doing something?"  
"Well, that's what the girls are makin' it sound like." Osamu bluntly says.

" **The f-** The disgusting." They fake a gag, but they might as well have. Osamu breathes out his nose, smiling for a bit. "So it's not real?" "God No. Do I look like the type who can get laid with people like him?"

Osamu shrugs. "He used to bring girls home, but never got to bring em to his room. I was thinkin' he might've gotten desperate."  
"Kind of hard to believe a girl would even agree to go home with him." Abe sighs. "I just bought him pudding 'cause I punched him and didn't mean to. I felt bad, that's all." They glance back at the taller boy. "Though, did me buying him pudding was the reason he kept frowning at me? and well- why everyone keeps acting like I was caught doing a crime?"

"Well, Suna said so, yeah. Everyones mad you punched him, and girls are in disbelief that you were just hangin' out with him casually during lunch."

_I have no idea who Suna is but okay_

"Are you gonna do somethin' about it?" Osamu asks, Abe shakes their head. "I mean if it escalates, probably? But it's just a dumb rumor." they pause for a second. "Did YOU want me to do something about it?"

"Yeah, 'Tsumu wont shut up about it. I can't blame him since the girls pushin' boundaries all the time. They think whenever there's a chance for 'em to get with us, they'll take it. If the rumor keeps stayin' like that they're gonna go after anyone at the club again. Maybe harass you."

Riseki's rambling returned to Abe's thoughts for a moment.  
" 'again' huh?"  
"'snot the first time things are like this."

Osamu frowns after that.  
"Can you tell me more about it then?"

Abe follows Osamu around, gathering bags and bottles. They paid and went to a nearby park, sitting down on the benches with plastic bags full of snacks. The only light source they had was a nearby street lamp.  
As they rip open a bag at the same time, Osamu starts;

"Do you have something planned?"

"Absolutely not" Abe stuffs their face, "I haven't really tried to talk about anything about gossips and stuff. Only when someone asks. Besides, this is the first time people are talking about me this much. Might as well enjoy the attention a little."

Osamu frowns..or well pouts, it looked a lot like his brother. They're twins after all.

"I guess that works." he sighs. "But girls are already askin' my number again and one of the juniors are stalking me everywhere after that rumor spread, he only used to talk to me once or twice during breaks." Osamu stuffs his mouth full as well. "I had to ask damn Aran with me in the damn restroom 'cause I saw him waitin' in there! It's like he memorized whenever I need a piss!" he complains.

"Why'd you come out in the middle of the night then?? and by yourself?? Idiot- he could've followed you!" Abe starts looking around now, paranoid.  
"I was hungry." Osamu deadpans.

The other huffs, but couldn't find any words to reply to for that.

"'m scared to be honest though." Osamu looks up. "When I said again, it's cause the school's treatin the club like it's a royalty thing. 'snot like I hate it, it's good volleyball's special to em, but the pedestal they place it in is a bit too high. Everyones lookin' at us like we're gold star quality food, anything that happens with us is big news to everyone. I heard a rumor in my junior year, there was this poor guy...whats his name.."

"Simu-kun, I think. Joined the club, heard he was a really good spiker, and he had a friend in the photography club that supported the team lots. I also heard that the girls and the press kept complainin' about the pictures though, when lots of em were new and just did it for fun. I didn't know what else happened but one day, he stopped comin' to class, and Simu stopped in the next."

A brief wind passed by, Abe shivers but said nothing.

but they think; for someone called 'calmer twin' Osamu had a lot to say with every pause he took after stuffing his mouth full. It reminded Abe of the way Atsumu ends up talking a lot when he gets defensive.

"I thought nothin' much of it. We don't need the memories, am I right?" Osamu tries to joke, but it didn't sound like it. "Then a third year in the club got a girl. She was sweet. And suddenly all the girls in the school seemed to start going after the volleyball boys. One girl got in a fight 'cause of our libero, there was rumor about this and there's something about that, he quit a club 'cause of that, and she got kicked out 'cause she stalked a second year of ours. I saw that and then I learned that there are people like that after me too. "

The gray-head sighs, his bag of chips now empty. "It's not like I don't have respect, may the dead rest and all, and hope those folks find peace elsewhere. But it sucks havin' to wait 'till things 'calm down', having to repeat yerself that you weren't interested and that the volleyball players aren't dating sim bachelors. And then when you aren't busy convincing people you're just a kid, you're dealing with everyone else complaining about you. "

With the way he sounds, it sounds like it didn't mean anything, but as Abe looked, Osamu's face looking up, face covered in street light while the sky was still night dark, his eyes gave away that he had a lot in his mind.

"I can't say I relate, but I can emphasize" Abe finally speaks. "You really want me to kill those rumors soon huh?" they sigh  
"I still have no idea what to do though."

"I don't either. I normally ignore stuff like this since I'm normally not involved in things."  
"God, same."

Abe opens up a bottle of juice and takes a sip.

"maybe punch Atsumu again?"  
"If you want me to get expelled just ask me to dropout."  
"Be serious."  
"I was."

The gray-head makes a noise, upset. "What If I asked why you say you paid atsumu t-"  
"now that's just mean to ME. I'm not gonna lie to anyone."

Abe rips a chocolate bar open. "Why don't you just ask me in school, just loud enough for everyone to hear. Ask me if it really happened and I'll say no and everyone will hear."  
Osamu's face looked like it winces a bit.

"Don't give me that face. You had the nerve to ask me to help when I was completely fine with just ignoring everything at three in the damn morning. Plus you were talking a lot earlier already, but now you're having complaints about talking to me in school?"

"talking is so tiring."

Osamu stuffs his face again.

"I won't force ya, I don't care 'nuff for that. too much work. But if you can't do it for my brother, or for me, or anyone in our club, maybe do it for yourself, or for the school's sake." Osamu nods. "I mean, it's why I'm talking to you anyways. I'm kind of..grateful you didn't center the interview around the volleyball team. It keeps the fans pre-occupied with other things just for a little bit longer, and makes other clubs happy."

"Eh?" Abe blinks. "Interview??"

Osamu also blinks. "You were in the local news just recently." Abe continues to look back, shocked.

"You didn't know??"  
"NO-"

They glared at the ground trying to think. processing the new information. "So they WERE reporters..!" Abe gasps.

"You're stupid, and I don't know if I should be surprised or not."  
"well. you talk a lot for someone known as the 'calmer twin'."

Abe crossed their arms, leaning back. "But alright alright, back to topic. I admire that you're calm about rejecting everyone though. I mean, it probably sucks and bothers you a lot, but you do live up to the calm twin title still, with the way you bluntly turn down everyone instead of insulting them."

"I just want things to change now."

They nod at Osamu, humming. "The past sucked, but just gotta try and do what we can now. We don't need the memories, am I right?" Abe quotes.

The gray-head stare for a little while, but hums in agreement.

"Yeah.."

"God this sucks though. It's only the first month and I gotta deal with this shit? I wouldn't have moved if I knew this was gonna happen and now I'm getting asked to get involve in it more." Abe complains. "I REALLY don't wanna bother with the girls you know. If you hadn't asked I'd probably just let them ruin my life more."

"Are you not even afraid? Those girls can dox you, you know."

"Which is illegal."

Osamu looks back like he proved a point.

"Have you ever tried telling the Principal? Parents? Police? School counselor?"  
"About what?"  
"Doxing. Getting stalked. Girls getting too close with you."

Osamu looks at Abe, and opens his mouth, attempting to say something but nothing comes out.  
"No- I guess I never thought about it."

"Well there you have it, as soon as someone makes a stupid move on you, just give the cops a call. If you want the rumors to stop fast, just talk to me tomorrow. That's all to it. If you need extra help, I might know some people."

Abe pulls out their receipt from their plastic bag, and rips it. They pull out a pen, and starts writing down quickly, before passing it to Osamu.  
The taller boy gave a weird look.

"Relax, it's a hotline to Shiketsu High School. If you ever need a free lawyer, most students in other courses will do it for you. I think U.A. has one too but I forgot the number."

"Really? That's cool.."  
Osamu keeps the paper, and starts saving the number on his phone.

"So now you have a solution for that, and if you want those rumors gone so the girls won't make a move on you and your brother-"  
"I'll talk to you on Monday." Osamu cuts off the other. Abe frowns at that but gave a smile in the end.

"And..thank you."

Osamu's eyes were looking elsewhere, but the subtle change in his voice showed that he meant it. Abe smiles, adoring the small change of shade on the boy's face.

"I'm surprised you're talking to me so casually though. Why's that? You're usually just eating in class or getting into arguments with your brother."

"Oh.." Osamu ponders. "I guess It's just easier to talk to you. You remind me of Suna, quiet but has a lot to say. Although, you stand out a lot."

The boy's stomach growls, and he frowns.

"What the hell, so much thinking makes me hungry."

Abe laughs "Don't you always think about food though?"  
"It doesn't always make me hungry,"  
"You eat in class ALL the time!"

Osamu opens another bag of chips. "And?"  
Abe laughs. They try to not be loud, and ends up holding their stomach.

"Sorry, I don't know how to deal with you." They sigh. "Thank you though, I couldn't sleep but talking to you made me feel relaxed."

Abe opens a bag of chips too, the smell of artificially flavored potatoes float through the cold air. The Park was still empty and quiet, save for the rustling of nature when the wind sweeps through.

"Same here." Osamu admits, his face looking deadpanned, as usual. "Thank you too."  
  
  


Abe feels warmth inside them, a pleasant one. It worries them for a bit, but they just fill their stomach with more chips.

Osamu's thoughts usually focused on food. He won't lie on that, it's his favorite thing. Atsumu would complain how he'd always weigh a little more compared to him, It didn't matter to him. Suna sometimes ask his opinion on certain things, and yes he usually does have things to say, but he eventually gets tired and he goes back to craving for something to munch on.

But something that makes him feel intense is something else. Like when you get angry for someone taking your food, or getting happy when someone asks you about your favorite snack. Of course you have a lot to say about it. Of course Osamu has a lot to say when he feels the threat of obsessive people getting him, barging into his privacy, bothering him, and maybe worst.

And then he found himself blabbering about his worries to a person he barely knew. He only intended to eat his stress away, but the comfort he gets is more like it was a bag off his shoulder now that he talked about what he thought, and the comfort food was like the cherry on top of the cake. He found a stranger kind enough to listen to him, because he knew how annoying it gets when someone just talks too much.

To him, Abe was a background character. Rude as it may be, it was accurate. His life is too focus on other things, people outside the club we're just random people. Even if he hears about someone, his mind drifts back on what he wants to eat.  
It was easy to treat people like that when you just can't find the will to care.

But Osamu looks at the shorter person, Abe's eyes were tired but was still staying, talking about his worries as they stuff their mouth. They change the topic even, keeping Osamu company until one of them eventually say they have to leave.

"Are you okay?" Abe suddenly asks "You're getting quiet again. You finally tired? you should get some rest."

Osamu shakes his head. He's tired, but it's mostly because he finally relaxed. Like he just finished eating and was ready to go to bed, often he'll forget the long day he had, and often he forgets to thank the meal.

Abe was still a stranger to him, but one that helped him had a peaceful night that he needed.

"Where do you usually eat lunch?" Osamu asks. "Restroom." Abe replies, without missing a beat.  
"Eh?" Osamu didn't judge, but it made him feel bad. It was natural reaction.

The gray-haired starts doing the same thing Abe did from earlier, ripping off his receipt and writing something on it. When the paper was passed, Osamu didn't miss the way the other's eyes widened just a bit.

"Find me and 'tsumu during lunch."

Abe's eyes start to shine. When tears start pricking out while they looked at the paper they gripped with their hands, Osamu starts to mentally prepare.  
The shorter one looks away, and forced a smile, clearing their throat.

Osamu wished it wasn't a big deal, but he knew it probably was.

"You just don't wanna deal with your brother." They joke, Osamu hums in agreement.

"That, and meals are better with people."


	7. when you're angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, Do you believe you're humanitarian? or are you picky with who you share your kindness to?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of swearing in here lol and osamu is still being stalked

Once Monday has tolled in, the one's who had messed up their schedules and never got to fix it in time start regretting things. Though the weather was perfect, Osamu internally cursed at the sun. What's even worst was his brother stole half of his breakfast earlier.

He made sure to hit Atsumu extra hard and call him a pig.

The gray-haired yawns as he walk just behind Atsumu, entering the school grounds. As usual, different groups were near there, waiting for them to enter. On cue, there were whispers and giggles. His brother's brows furrow, and he whispers complains to him. It was a routine, and Osamu was more bothered at how much Atsumu talks.

Osamu admits that he does prefer the school making fun of them fighting than this. The other sports club helps with that, instead of talking about which student is trying to get into their pants, the basketball club would remind him about the time he fought Atsumu and gotten the coach in trouble, or the time the swim team saw them fall into the pool over cup noodles.

While they changed shoes, Osamu's eyes look around, completely ignoring Atsumu's yelling. It was easy to do when he needed it, perks of growing up with him he guessed.

_Man, for someone with dyed hair they're hard to spot._

Osamu still hasn't forgotten about what he had to do that day, the feeling he got when he saw a boy who has been creepily getting too close to him standing in the boy's restroom all alone, waiting expectantly, is still in his head.

He does eventually spot Abe, but couldn't approach them. Cola-chan was with them. She was another threat. Not as dangerous as schoolmates almost breaking his privacy, but she was close, she just knew how to get on everyone's nerves and was the one who didn't fear provoking him or Atsumu, when everyone else did.

Guess he'll just try his 'question' later on.

"Oi! Stop ignoring me!"  
"Eh? I wasn't." Osamu lies. Atsumu clicks his tongue as they start walking to their classroom, avoiding cola-chan like the other students.  
  
  


"Abe-chaaaan" Cola greets. They- _er..she?_ Abe forgot. She's been trying to talk to Abe again lately, mostly they'd spot her in the mornings or before they exit the school. Abe sometimes avoids her successfully, they're unlucky today they guessed.

"Soo..You're getting it on with the Miya twins hmmm?"  
"Absolutely not."

But Cola keeps forcing themselves to be in Abe's line of vision, flashing her teasing smirk.  
"Are you sure?" They follow Abe up the stairs, "Didn't you call Atsumu a brat? Don't tell me you're into that"

The underclassman was quick to react, the embarrassment on their face made cola-chan pleased, taking that as a score for her.

"So that's a yes?"  
"It's a no."

As Abe enters their classroom, Cola-chan stays by the door and even yells "Is Osamu like that too? Don't tell me you can't choose one of them!"

They felt more eyes look at them as they groan, looking away.

_'please please just leave me be.'_   
  
  


Classes resumed normally, as it should. For Abe it was them spacing out and regretting it as soon as they realized they don't understand the lesson anymore. For twins, it was Osamu eating in class and Atsumu trying to hide the fact he was using his phone. Save for the fact that people were looking more than normal, and the boy that Osamu was wary of is looking back at him occasionally.

When the bell rang for lunch, Atsumu grabbed Osamu, complaining that he wanted to get out of the room. Though it was normal every day, today were one of the days Osamu complied with trying to race his brother to the cafeteria.  
Some students were surprised, the teachers complained and the others admired them. Others laughed. But during moments like this, Osamu just thought about having to beat Atsumu.

When he bursts into the cafeteria first, he may not show it, but he feels surprised every time. After all, Atsumu was just a little bit more competitive than him. He knows that.

They had seats close to their other volleyball teammates, which is near the other sports club's tables. Most of the seniors in the other club's understand the troubles of their club, which is why they surround the volleyball club's tables, if anyone else approaches, they intimidate them away. He's heard it's been like this for years.

As Osamu takes a seat, he pulls out his phone and went to Abe's contacts.  
  
  


 **better twin** : where are you  
 **potato-face:** wait u actually want me there?  
 **better twin** : stupid  
 **potato-face** : ok fine I'm going where tf are you  
 **better twin** : left corner near windows. don't mind it if the basketball club starts barking at you  
 **potato-face** : beware of the guard dogs ok

Osamu was already pulling out his lunch. Atsumu whines looking at it, "How come you get more rice?"

"It's literally the same amount."

That was a lie and Atsumu knows. Osamu pays no mind to more of his brother's complaints and starts filling up his mouth with rice. If he had to be a narcissist, he would brag about his cooking.

"Uh." Atsumu suddenly speaks up. "Why are you sitting here?"  
Osamu swallows his food. "Why not?"  
"Well. You usually sit in front of me."

Osamu decides to not talk. He used his chopsticks and keeps eating.  
It took awhile, but Abe finally showed up, looking around cautiously. When they start going towards his table, the others in near tables sit up, glaring at them. Osamu decides to do nothing, he did warn them after all.

"Ah! Abe-san!" Riseki calls out. Well, the other one. Osamu knows the younger one more, since he was in his team, his sister was the one calling out to Abe. They nod at the girl, muttering a short 'hi'.

The way the student gripped their belongings made them look nervous, despite their face just looking like they're forcing a polite smile. Osamu raises his hand, and it catches their attention.

"Sorry, I'll talk to ya next time." Abe politely waves to the girl and walks to the twins. Atsumu leans, giving Osamu a look.

"You invited them?"  
"Yeah."  
"And you didn't tell me??"  
"Yeah. What's wrong with it?"

His blonde brother snarls. "You should think about others! What the hell?"  
"That sounds rich coming from you." Osamu bluntly replies.

As Abe takes a sit, they sighed. "I'm already regretting coming here."  
"Then leave." Atsumu hisses.

As the other pull out their lunch, they stayed quiet for a while before replying with a "Y'all hear sumn'?"

They all continue to keep eating lunch. Atsumu was still complaining, sending small insults that Abe would sometimes reply with an 'okay'. Osamu notices how the student in front of him and man, they were bad at using chopsticks. It reminded him of Aran, a little. Sometimes Cola-chan as well. Well, it's much more subtle for Aran, since he had been using them for years now, but when they were still kids Osamu would see it.

 _Oh yeah_ , Osamu remembers that he's supposed to ask something.

"Were you really banging my brother?"

When both Atsumu and Abe choked on their food, the cafeteria goes a little more quieter. The two start to raise their voice, face embarrassed.

" 'SAMU WHAT THE HELL?" _"could've ASKED it a little more subtly-"_ "THATS JUST INAPPROPRIATE-" _"-i literally hate people like him."_ "I'D NEVER DO IT WITH-" _"i bet he sucks at it anyways."_

Atsumu turns to Abe again, frowning. "I bet YOU suck!"  
"I'd rather keep my virginity." They cringe, squinting to the side.

Osamu looks at his surroundings, a lot pretty much heard it. It would be nice this half-assed plan works.  
  
  
  


"Uhm." Someone approaches, his hair white and iconic, but his voice was soft. Osamu even sits still and Atsumu turns, fear striking in him.  
"Will you two keep it down at least? It's very disturbing to hear about that." Kita speaks. Atsumu nods while the other apologizes.

Osamu starts enjoying his food again. At least if it's not him, his captain will keep Atsumu quiet. The gray-haired takes notice at how the two look down at their food, both faces practically screaming 'embarrassed'.  
He did witness them and their first interactions with Kita, Atsumu's reaction was just as bad. He forgot the line, but he immediately dropped a pick-up line and messed up.

"Wait a minute." Atsumu starts whispering, keeping his head low. "Did you ask 'cause of the restroom guy?"  
Osamu nods and Abe hums. "He asked me last Saturday."

"You guys could've told me!" Atsumu whines. Osamu shakes his head at that.

"Your reaction wouldn't be as convincing."  
"'Samu you're cruel!"

Abe's snort irritates the blonde twin again, and he starts babbling to them. Osamu hums to himself, not only did he find someone who enjoys food as much as he does, but also someone that can deal with his loud brother.  
  
  


Osamu was just a food lover. As much as it irritates him, it's a given fact to him that Atsumu and other people were much braver than he was. Lunch period ends fast, and once the bell rang, back to his own class he went. His regular classroom had Atsumu in it, but he was seated far away in the front, while Osamu was in the back. It was easier to eat there, the teachers wouldn't notice him. Sometimes if they did, they'd let him get away with it for certain conditions, mostly helping his brother behave.

Atsumu was a little stupid, but he was just a little more courageous, pulling out reckless acts even in class. It's infuriating to Atsumu deep inside since he had to deal with it. The consequences. Having to be there once his brother gets caught, and facing the fact the only time he's willing to get caught is just to eat something in class.

So when his junior, the other Riseki, comes inside their class as soon as classes were about to end, accompanied by others from the track club asking about if Osamu went anywhere recently. Asking if he was okay...he wasnt.

He wasnt.

"It's on the school newspaper." Riseki Heisuke explains and the track team provides the papers itself. "It's supposed to be released by next week, but some of the girls got extra copies."

Though it was small, the image of his back exiting the store from the weekend makes his privacy feel violated. He didn't even feel like being followed, and what's in front of him just proves that he wouldn't notice if someone was out to get him. He can't even buy things in peace.

He wasnt okay with it. Wasnt okay feeling stuck, not knowing what to do. Wasnt okay with feeling like if it was his brother he'd burst out angry and probably finds a solution out instead of standing like him, frozen in place.

Atsumu stays quiet, but his face shows that he's enraged about it. Osamu didn't know what to say, so he was silent too. Of course his reaction is that he's upset, but the fear that things might get worst latch into him.

Heisuke excuses himself, running to a different classroom calling out to his sister.

Abe yelps when Riseki, the sister, starts pulling her into a different classroom, in a state of panic and talking just a bit too fast. The girl pushes them into the room the twins were in, and they all make space from the desk they all huddled. Heisuke explains the situation just a bit more calmly than his sister.

"They even have the picture up." Riseki-san adds as soon as she calmed down a bit. She shows her phone to the shorter student, and Abe obviously winces with every scroll they make. "What're you guys going to do?"

"Um? Report it?" Abe says, snatching the phone and the stack of papers. Though Riseki goes 'that's a good idea!' the others hesitate. It was clear from how their body moved, but as soon as the shortest student starts stomping outside, pace fast, the others could only follow.

"W-wait what're you even going to say?"

Osamu remembers that there were other people that could help. He remembers the night Abe gave him a look full of judgment, and they gave the same face as a response back now. Osamu remembers that he had a brother, that was there to step in front of him when Osamu found himself distressed. He remembers the upperclassmen that looked out for him and the teachers that gave him a kind smile when he gets caught.

Osamu relaxes, when the stranger he still barely knows kick down the door of the journalism club, startling everyone inside. As the others complain, they stomped inside, slamming the paper down.

"This from you guys?"

The boy who had glasses on nod, the band on his arm clearly showing he was in charge. "Well obviously." He starts, "They're for next week however, and I'd like to ask why you have them-"

"I would like to know why the hell they're out then. And WHY how you guys managed to get this photo anyways." Abe cuts the boy off. "You know how messed up this is right?" They insisted. "And the fact the clear picture has been posted everywhere. You know how terrible this is for the twins right? Or are your motives as a school club is to just disrupt the privacy and rights of people. Is that what you want to represent for the school? Or are you just so hungry for people to get papers you're stooping so low."

They pull their phone now, shaking it. "I can tell this to someone else you know. Not just the counselors. Or the Principal. The world can learn about it. Those pictures can leak to others, it can get you dropped out or taken to jail for unwanted pursuit. Are you gonna hit low, lick the dirt for people to give attention to your papers, or are you gonna take the article down and get the person who was responsible for the photo gone from the club."

Though short, Abe ended up placing their one foot on the table, leaning forward until the taller boy was ready to back away. Intimidating him.  
The room was quiet, saved from the shuffling of people outside. Everyone else outside was just ready to go home, get to clubs, but inside the room for the photography and news club was a private matter.

"We-" The boy hesitates. "We apologize. we might have not thought it through, but the papers were not supposed to be released for a reason. I don't intend to release such things. I genuinely want the best for the club, most especially since it's a recognition only ever spikes up when the volleyball club gets matches." He bows down.

Abe sighs, putting their foot down. "I'm sorry too, then." They turn around and point at the Riseki siblings. "But they said that there are copies being passed around carelessly, so in the end you're still at fault. I understand how bad it is but if you ever want to fix this little ' _woopsies_ ' you'll need to talk to faculty and explain the situation."

The taller man nods, "I-..Yeah. I see that." He also sighs.

"If you can't I'll bring it to the couns-"  
"No no-" He cuts them off. "I'll tell them myself." He bows down again. "I'm sorry."

Abe hums. "It's alright" then they pose, smiling to themselves. "Although, if you want a replacement article. You can just put how that rumor of atsumu ever getting laid is not real. In fact, none of them want a date. Ever."

Osamu made no complaints but Atsumu yells "HEY!"  
"Shut up 'Tsumu no girl wants to last more than an hour with you." 

Suddenly a shoe flies and hits Atsumu hard in the head. Abe stands behind him, fuming. "you're NEVER getting a fucking date until you start having some goddamn manners!" They yell. "Your brother had to tell me some rumor about me and you. you KNEW and didn't tell me, you avoided me, if that was someone else they'd feel like shit. you think a girl is gonna want to be with you if you do shit like that?"

They throw a punch into Atsumu's stomach, making the blonde keel over. Osamu was about to make fun, maybe even laugh, but the shorter student does the same to him.

"You too! Your junior had to send his sister to tell me! you're just as dumb as your brother!"

Heisuke starts tugging at Abe, worried.  
"Ah- Senpai I think they got the point." he smiles awkwardly "No need to get violent-eh? wait why are you the one tearing up?"

The twins look up, still in pain, but Heisuke was right. The short student's eyes were watery and they looked like they were just about to start sobbing.

"Shut up. I cry easily man- I'm upset too." They sniffle. "I'm also a little upset because I'm part of it, you know? and you've got the _dumbest_ senpais surrounded by the _shittiest_ student body in the world. "

Abe turns around, throwing their hands up, full-on crying now. "complainin' about girls getting close, then you try to help and he just starts complaining about it too. Fucking _stupid_. Idiot twins. can't believe hot chicks keep drooling over them. they're literally so _fucking_ dumb. don't even know how to say thank you. all the trouble they get and it's giving everyone else problems. literally the DUMBEST" they keep complaining, crossing their arms.

Heisuke and his sister try to awkward comfort them, The twins stand there awkwardly as well.

"It- It's okay senpai..?" Heisuke tries. "Abe-san, I didn't know you're a crybaby!" Riseki comments.

"Uh- It'll be alright. I'll consider that article, but I might need an interview from the twins for that." The Journalism club leader says, clearing his throat. A member approaches, offering tissues.

Osamu looked at his brother, he knew the blonde knew that Osamu didn't care much. Atsumu sighs, and crossed his arms. "Fine."  
The club leader nods. "That's great! Will tomorrow after classes be okay?"  
"Sure."

Abe finally starts to stop crying, hands still balled into a fist while the Riseki siblings continue to pat their back.  
"Abe-san you did a great job though! so cheer up!" Riseki-san says as they all start walking outside the club room. The track team split up, wishing the twins good luck.

"That's true senpai. The twins have always been stupid, it's great you've endured this much." Heisuke adds. Atsumu yells a complaint.  
"Miya Senpai" He then says, turning to the twins. "Shouldn't you guys say thank you?"

Riseki-san then gasps. "Oooh, maybe we can get something to eat and hang out their gym? Their coach is really nice! and we can practice volleyball while we're at it!" she suggests, holding Abe's shoulders.

"Ehh? I hate volleyball though-"

The four gasp dramatically, Atsumu even steps back, disbelief in his pose.

"How COULD you-" _"I like basketball but its also just as good!"_ "Senpai have you ever even played??"

Abe shakes their head. "No _no_ \- I respect that you guys like it but I'm pretty sure I'm kinda phobic of it? It scares me too much and listening about it makes me feel irritated and anxious."

Atsumu snorts at this. "Imagine getting scared by a ball."  
  


"But Abe-chan..We have to play volleyball before the exams."

Abe knows that, obviously. They look away, frowning.  
"Heisuke can teach you! He's really good at teaching me! It'll be okay!" Riseki grabs her shorter classmate's hand. Heisuke points at himself, surprised though. "Eh? Me?"

"Yes, you've been doing a good job at teaching me already! You'll do fine."

"Now if only your serves are just as good" Atsumu teases, Osamu even gives a mocking smile. Heisuke glares at them embarrassed. Abe stands awkwardly, still wincing at the fact they cried earlier. The burst of emotions they had left them tired and hungry.

"Can we get pudding first?"

Everyone seemed to hum to that, agreeing to get something to eat first. "I'll pay." Osamu offers, and everyone looks at him with shock. "..If no one asks about it."

The trip to the cafeteria was quiet, but it was one that no one minded.


	8. when you're happy / 'finally some volleyball'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, was it satisfying? When you finally started learning how to draw. When you learned how to cook. When you do something right for once."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a wholesome chapter for valentines

The sun sets as the squeaks of shoes echo throughout the school grounds of Inarizaki high. The school's volleyball team has more people than usual, but their coach didn't mind, as long as the players trained well. 

Atsumu and Osamu trained as well. Their pudding cups tossed into the trash. The twins practiced their serves and receive, then whenever they had a break they'd give one of the team's underclassman a glance as he tries to teach his sister and a strange transferee. 

Atsumu laughs, but Osamu was a bit shocked. He didn't show it of course.

When Abe says 'phobic', he thought it would be an exaggeration. He might not know a lot yet but they looked like the type to make things more dramatic. 

But as soon as the cups were disposed and Heisuke starts explaining, the short stack Osamu met in a store starts moving uneasily. The way their hands are together, shoulders stiff and thumbs fumbling. Though their eyes stared, it often blinked, pupils quickly glancing everywhere before back to the boy. and once Heisuke says "here I go!" to help the two start receiving. 

Abe's upper body tries receiving, but their legs moved to the side, avoiding the ball. 

"Abe-san! Are you okay?" Riseki-san asks, and with a shaky thumbs-up and watery eyes. "Yes." they reply. It was ridiculous. 

It kept going, and they also tried serves and blocks in another court. Even the coach spoke to the three, giving advice once. But Abe keeps flinching away, and they even grow irritated at themselves, despite the fear obviously still grasping their shoulders tightly. 

The twins found it a little funny. It was exaggerated _and_ it wasn't a lie.

"Guess we found your weakness!" Atsumu pokes fun, even leaning to tower over the short student who just can't even hit the ball.   
"It's flattering you're trying to find my weaknesses but you're stupid for just find that out- what? do I fuckin look like I play sports? I fucking don't of fuckin course I suck you dumb piece- " Abe starts lowering themselves, ready to punch the blonde's stomach again. Heisuke tries to grab them though, trying to calm their nerves.

"It's okay Abe-san, let's try and take a break maybe? We can watch the boys play!" Riseki grabs the her shorter classmate, pulling them to the benches. Atsumu sticks his tongue out and goes back to the court. "Watch the pros do it~" he teases, stretching his arms.

Atsumu takes a couple of steps, back. As soon as he does, the gym goes quiet, everyone looking at the blonde. "'Tsumu actually gets easily distracted when it's noisy during his serves." Osamu whispers to the ones sitting. Riseki stifles a giggle. "But you know, he's really good, just watch." she whispers to Abe.

Once Atsumu tosses the ball up, he takes a couple steps forward before leaping and hitting the ball. The jump was high and awe-worthy enough, but with the way the blonde's arm swung and how satisfying the sound of the ball hitting the ground was..

"You see that?" Atsumu beams, turning back to the supposed to be audience by the bench. He'd always been attention-seeking this way, as long as he wasn't irritated. Riseki claps laughing and her brother grins as well, that kind of reaction and praise boosted Atsumu's ego, and Osamu just crosses his arms for it. 

But if that the booster, the way Abe's eyes seemed to shine brighter as they sit up, speechless, it was like a multiplier. Maybe because it was their first time, first timer's admiration always hit different after all. Maybe it was because Atsumu only ever remembers how they seemed to always look at things with disinterest or spite, only ever seeing their eyes in a different light once when they cried or got angry from earlier. 

Or maybe because when they looked, Abe had their fist curled, like they just reeled it in, reminding Atsumu of whenever he succeeds in something, he pulls his fists in, yelling in euphoria. Was the fist for him too? Atsumu wished to believe it was.

"So? How was that?" He yells, pointing. His need for a confirmation fogging his brain. Abe nods, and they stammer their first words. "It's c- it was so cool..!" They don't shout it, but it was like a whisper being loud. Their eyes still sparkle as their hands wave around. 

"You looked really focus! and the way your arm just swung was intimidating but you're really strong- It was really great to look at- "  
"Oi! Focus on my serves! I practically aced it!" Atsumu complains.

"But I knew you were gonna ace your serves- I was wishing you didn't." Abe hissed. "I already knew you were a great player everybody talks about it! But for you to look so focused while at it and how intense it was, it's past my expectations since I wouldn't expect that. I think it shows that you really take it seriously." 

Atsumu complains as Osamu steps in next, about to serve. "Of course I take it seriously!" "Well, you only ever take fights with your brother seriously." 

Osamu sighs, then focus on doing his serve. He does the same, but he knows that it'll never be as 'intense' as his brothers. It was suddenly received, passed back to his side of the court by none other than the captain.

Abe leans to look past Atsumu, gasping at the event. They even jump up, yelling a long "YOOOOO" before cutting themselves off.  
  
"ah wait. Sorry for being loud." They sit back down.

As Osamu lets his stare linger for a little longer, he takes notice at how their hands grip the ends of their skirt, legs bouncing letting their baggy pants fumble. They lean down, but their head was up, eyes focused while their lips were trying hard to not grin. 

Atsumu notices it too as they turn back to the court. Abe's admiration was for everything but mostly focused on the players. If it was the ball, they'd end up cowering. 

_"Osamu's serve is just as intense too huh? Man that must hurt!" "Right?" "yeah! but he still did it! And the captain received it so good too-"_

Riseki and Abe continue to whisper it out. The words of appraisal was obviously making Atsumu cockier. Osamu frowns when Atsumu closed his eyes for a few seconds with a smug smile. 

Osamu says nothing though and takes the compliments he got as well, since the small one keeps throwing one for him as well. He let's it, since it just sounded so..genuine. 

"That serve was a little sloppy." Kita says, breaking Atsumu's egotistical headspace. They all kept serving while the other side had their other teammates, serving the balls back and forth. Their black teammate, Aran, usually served but was practicing receives with Kita. Both were astounding at it. Other's were sloppy, still training hard to be better. 

When one player messes up, they click their tongue or apologize, but they all frowned, and then kept trying better, pushing themselves. Even Riseki's little brother flinched at the ball every now and then along with the other juniors, but they still kept going. Trying to go for the ball, trying to perfect everything despite failures. 

It continues, up until it was time for everyone to go home, and Abe still found themselves mentioning the serves and receives before they went to another direction on the way home.

No one probably knew or understand that well. Maybe only sympathize. Or try to empathize. How terrifying it was to even see the ball when you've grown up getting hit by it, failing to feel it. But Abe can feel it when players are passionate about it. It was like a gas leak that gets to them. The ball makes them feel upset, but looking at the players gave them a much more intense feeling. 

The twins didn't know why when they reached to the Gym, Riseki was holding Abe's hand as they try so hard to enter the court, despite their face displaying large amount of discomfort.

then they just wanted to hold the ball the whole time while watching. Their hands were shaking the whole time, and if they tried to grip to stay still, their legs kept bouncing.

The next days they did the same. Sometimes trying to serve the ball when Riseki asks to join the practice. She also started inviting other students from her class to join practice. Abe secluded themselves far away from their peers, but stayed to watch and hold the ball.

Whenever a different ball gets near Abe, they'd freak out, stepping back. Osamu heard them whimper one time. Obviously, they were still afraid, he wouldn't know why they were still there then. 

Kita asked the twins; "That junior with Riseki-san..do they always stare like that."  
Osamu shrugs, and Atsumu shakes his head. "They don't make always eye contact. It's funny when you get on their nerves" He admits. Osamu had nothing to say other than "they space out."

Abe always did so. Spacing out unless someone talked to them directly. Atsumu would demand something or throw insults. Osamu only ever saw cola-chan succeed in the mornings in making them feel embarrassed. He still sees Abe as the stranger from the store. Doesn't react much, and only talks much when talked to. Like an unskippable NPC. 

It goes on for a week. Osamu even joined in Atsumu into bullying the shortstack for just only being able to hold the ball. Whenever Abe tries to reply a comeback, their voice would shake subtly. 

Aside from holding the ball, Atsumu knows that the juniors are now getting familiar with Abe, all thanks to the Riseki siblings. Aran would sometimes approach, asking if they were okay and Abe can only nod. 

"Why do you keep going here?" Atsumu asks one day. Abe shrugs. "I wish I also knew."

He found them strange. _What kind of response was that?_

"You receive like this.." Kita explained. He found himself teaching the group of students Riseki-san kept bringing. He didn't mind. It was Heisuke who asked for his advice. Kita lowered himself when the ball Aran tossed started arriving. They let their arms hit it, returning it to the direction back where it came from. It wasn't flashy, but the students that watched made noises, some nodded. 

Kita turns, finding the person.. _Abe-san was it?_  
The student who was always distanced away from the court and the groups of people. For once, they put the ball they held down. They were staring at their own arms, doing the same gesture Kita did. 

Guess he was the only one he knew, but just recently someone was going to their gym early in the morning. Some of the balls would be just a little dirty, and someone would miss a spot on the floors. Kita figured it could've been just a teammate, but at the moment, he considered another person. 

"Abe-san." A classmate called out. "Why don't you join us? Drop the ball for once and practice, the game is coming up you know!"   
Abe shook their head. "I'd rather not." It was blunt and straightforward. The others frown. It was understandable to be upset by it. 

"Man, this is why no one else in class talks to you." 

The other meant it as a joke, but Kita watches as Abe steps back further into their corner. 

No one understood it. But they stood still there, watching the club members practice on the court. Abe's hand always gripped the ball close, hands sometimes shaking. The other students would be on another court, practicing. Sometimes the club's juniors join in with them, finding it easier to practice with students who are just as bad as them.

Aran's serves were always ruthless, but Kita always does his best to receive it. He was the team's best defense. Even when the Miya twin's spikes were intense, Kita does his best to not let it fall to the floor. Sometimes of course, he misses, but he intends to make it rarely to never. Afterall, it was a routine for him to never let the ball hit the floor, he should be able to do it regularly.

During his one miss in one Monday afternoon, he slightly wished he saw it. When Abe dropped the ball once again, the one in their grips. Atsumu's toss was always great, and Osamu's spikes were always intense. In one of the rare misses Kita does, he finds the stranger who'd always just stay away, staring from afar, receiving a ball spiked by Osamu.   
The ball flies, all the way back to the court. It was easily receivable, but everyone lets it fall in favor of watching Abe, as they pull a fist, and yelled a cheer.

The twins, the juniors, and Riseki-san herself start cheering too, despite the fact Abe wasn't part of the match, nor the team. Yet they start crying, hands soothing the red patch on their arms, the smile on their face wobbly. 

Maybe No one would understand it, but the others emphasized, at least, the overwhelming pride the stranger felt.

Kita guessed they had a name, they did call him a strange name once. He approached the sobbing student, gently patting their head. "There there," He says, his voice gentle. "Nice receive, Abe-san."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sike we're gonna spiral to hell next chapter


	9. When you're sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, everyone has problems."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suicide content warning again but someone actually does it. From this point trauma responses will keep popping up more, it's not just gonna be Abe-chan anymore, and other characters will show more and they'll also be sharing some problems that screams 'haha I might need counseling'

It's been a long time now. It's been more than days, Abe was sure it at least a month has passed already. They've found themselves having a schedule, a routine. There's always a comfort they'd find in it when they follow it perfectly.

In the morning cola-chan would go after them in the school grounds, just to tease. Asking about the Miya twins and their opinions, if not it would be their slight crush on Risekin-san. She was pretty after all.

"Sooo what did she do yesterday this time? I heard she went home with one of your male classmates." cola-chan teased. Abe glares, but shrugs. They walk away, ignoring cola-chan shouting more things, trying to get on their nerves. It was working, all the time. Cola knows this, with the way the underclassman's hands would curl into a fist.

Atsumu would see Abe's embarrassed face sometimes, just before it turns back neutral. He'd find the shorter student just passing by his classroom. "HAH! Look at you. What did she say?"

"She said your hair looks like a dirty sponge"

Atsumu pouts every time. "One day I'm gonna know the shit she says to you!" He shakes his fist in the air as Abe walk away. Osamu would always see it, since his seat is near the doors. "Yeah right." Osamu comments. Atsumu growls at him.

Osamu helps it sometimes though, neutral about it. He found it interesting that way, if the other loses as well.

That's during lunch periods he watches the two bicker while he was happy just eating his worries away. Sometimes Abe obviously has nothing to say, Sometimes the both would get into the argument, depending on the topic. And Osamu gets to stay away from it, just watching how it escalates in different directions.

When he feels like it, the gray-haired would throw an insult. Maybe to the both of them, maybe just to his brother out of spite, or maybe at Abe to spice it up.

The twins found them slowly laughing a lot as the days pass through. Atsumu calls them a pig, and Osamu points out that his own brother snorts a lot. The gray-haired didn't mind, since both of them laughed very loud. It was a little comforting, as the one who's usually quiet.

Kita usually makes them quiet when they get too loud. He finds himself doing so every Wednesday, for some odd reason. Suna is always the first to complain about it to him.

When classes end, Kita would try to check up on Abe if the juniors or Aran doesn't do it. Riseki would always invite Abe to try playing again, her shorter classmate was always hesitant and indecisive, but when days fly by they find themselves joining in easier.

Tendou nor Sakusa nor any of Abe's friends online never forgot about each other. Abe would still text back before or after classes, or during the weekends. Tendou would now often talk about his crush, often rambling on twitter and in text. Sakusa would talk about volleyball, other times he had a lot to complain, he'd rant until he finally feels tired.  
In the weekend Abe would play with their other friends, streaming it and then they'll just occupy themselves with hobbies or sleep the day away.

Then Abe finds themselves back to school again. In the mornings they'd secretly try to practice with other juniors.Then they'd be Sitting in class. Listening to Riseki. Avoiding Cola-chan's teasing. Having to listen to Atsumu talk while Osamu just munches the lunch hour away. Then in the gym they would hold the ball while watching, sometimes trying to serve on their own only to fumble.

From the outside perspective, it was a peaceful normal everyday life in Highschool. To Abe, it felt so wrong. So _so_ wrong.

No matter how hard the sun shined, how hard they laughed, how comfortable they felt, there was always something that tugs their hair. A harsh reality check. Someone snapping them when they space out.

When they did that receive from the other day, it meant so much. All the time they spent feeling like a disappointment when they can't even hit the ball, all the time when they get hit in the face by accident and no one apologizes, and the best they could do was to watch from afar, watching everyone else excel. They grew up wishing they could also feel what they did, instead of emphasizing so heavily with it.

So of course when they face back the reality that they have to try harder again to be able to receive again and do more. It meant so much. It was hard to accept it. They didn't want to. They could easily just suck it up, and do it, but should they? They didn't want to.

Maybe they were lazy.

 _No_..They were. But they also didn't want to stay in school anymore. When Atsumu did ask why they were still there, they wished they knew. It's like they used whatever awe-like feeling they had after seeing the others play to keep trying. They didn't want to.  
  
  


Abe received a letter the other day. They just finished lingering in the gym, and once they went back to their locker to change shirts, there was a letter.

_'Wish you were gone.'_

"God same" Was what they replied, and kept the letter inside, tucked behind shirts and deodorants. Next to a pile of rope, a spray bottle, and a pair of scissors.

They don't know why they kept them there, but they wanted to. Maybe it's just for comfort, even if it gave them the worst thoughts. It wasn't healthy, probably, but to them it was normalized, so much that death is always welcomed to their arms.  
  
  


Abe found it nice, whenever Cola-chan shows up every morning. They purposely stay there longer to make sure they see her before actually making her escape. They purposely try to reply back to Atsumu, even if all his insults don't just get under their skin, but punch their chest. They purposely let themselves join Osamu for lunch, despite the fact that they feel confused as to why they were there, they never felt like they deserved to even sit on a table.

Sometimes in the morning, they'd find writing all over their desk. Obviously, they were insults, bullying in Japan at it's finest. They paid no mind, first asking Sakusa how to clean and they kept doing it whenever it happened.

Sakusa was a busy guy, they only often used Abe as rant-machine. Only ever talking when Abe had something to say or when Sakusa had something to complain. Sometimes he'd talk about volleyball, and cleaning products, but that's just about it. Tendou would also talk, mostly about strange things and his crush..but that's also just it.

Abe had acquaintances only, and that's just it. Even if they at least mention them as friends once in awhile, the label felt too important for them to just casually use it.

_Friends were the reason why they were in Inarizaki high. Their old ones seemingly hurting them for no reason and-_

Abe shakes their head, not wanting to think about it.

They switched schools to live a peaceful life, unbothered. A normal one, as the lonely kid. _Oh boohoo I'm edgy but It's what I want and I preferably want to deal with it's consequences._

But instead Abe came to school as a misfit who's standing out in the worst way, they get involved with the popular peers, and after it dies down they're living a life they didn't want.

It's peaceful though, but they didn't want it. That's the terrible part, they think. It's so peaceful. They've started their freshman running away from danger, learning how to deal with danger. The feeling of something behind them about to grab them grew worst and now that there's supposed to be nothing after them, it's like the feeling grew more intense.  
  
  


Abe sighs, realizing they were all alone in the locker room. They spaced out again, haven't they?

The sun was no longer setting, it was practically close to night time now. The room was small, and dimly lit. It smelled a lot like..axe body spray. Why was the boy's locker room so much smellier than the girls?

They purposely went inside here after everyone else left, just to use their own locker in there. The perks of having no binary, two lockers.

Abe didn't know what they really want, but they felt the need to know. It was exhausting. Everything was. And their chest grows heavy with every interaction they had. having to pretend everyone wasn't affecting their emotions so intensely. Every word they've heard, from how their parents wished they didn't want to pursue their ambitions, to how their friends ruined their own will to pursue anything at all, how their peers now only seem to just bother them to ask help for their own problems, and now they just throw insults at them, as if they are friends with them.

No matter how much food Osamu buys, he only ever talked to Abe for help. No matter how much jokes Atsumu makes, he was the one who caused the rumors. Cola-chan is just after them for a reaction. Riseki was dumb and only went for Abe just for someone to talk to. The Juniors are just helping them because they were just as bad. The girl's whisperings always made Abe feel insecure, even the volleyball players did. Their own friends online made them feel like they're just a mic, only used to talk to. Their family was just something that dig-up memories of how much Abe wished they'd left home sooner.  
  
  


But Abe was surrounded by lockers. Not people. Not memories.  
Right now, as they laugh exhaustedly, they realized they were overthinking again. They were completely alone.

It was depressing, it always felt like that, everything usually was, but they found comfort in it, it was normalized to them. Just enough to the point that they were assigned a specialized therapist. But there's not much their own Doctor could do, just offer an ear and advice. Then that's it. Abe had a nice doctor, they wouldn't blame them, or anyone. After all, if they died, it's because they wanted to.

It was depressing, it always felt like that. But dying was something they were just okay with. It happens eventually, speeding up the process was nothing. Value of life was something they saw, and it's not like they didn't see value in themselves. They were okay with what they just accomplished, all the feelings, accomplishments, everything.

It was depressing, but as they opened their locker, hand grasping the rope they stashed away, they felt relief. Tying it up somewhere in the cramped room was hard, but they found a spot eventually. As soon as it was finished.

It was depressing, but they silently thanked everyone and everything, but they didn't let their thoughts go on any further. They didn't need the memories. As they climb a small chair, barely holding up their weight.

_It was depressing, but I don't wanna narrate anymore._


	10. for my sake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, how does it feel, being exposed?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicide attempt and its a little graphic.

Mornings spent rushing because his brother didn't wake him up. Sleeping or using his phone in class. Talking to others. Heated arguments over simple things. Barely passing his quizzes. Volleyball practices. Planning a sleepover with the rest of his team. That's what Atsumu's life is supposed to be like.

So sure, his fights would sometimes get intense and certain people to push over his boundaries ruining his privacy which pisses him off but things never get too serious.

Being a Jerk was easier. It saves him the trouble of having to share worries and concerns.

Not that he knows that yet.

"Ah! I forgot my shirt!" Atsumu notices when he rummages through his bag. "Seriously?" Osamu complains, all his teammates pause turning to him. The whole club having a sleepover the twin's place for the weekend.

"You probably left in your locker like and idiot." Osamu smirks, Atsumu wanted to punch him.

"That's okay, we can still go back and get it." Kita suggests. "Someone come with."

Aran raised his hand "I'll take the others to the twin's place, I know where it is."  
"Suna then?" Kita asks, the aforementioned boy sighs and nods.

The four of them walked back to the gym, Atsumu sometimes giving a cocky smile to his brother, knowing in some way, he was whipped for Suna. Kita notices and mutters "Atsumu, don't."

The blonde was quick to start behaving, and Osamu starts giving the same smirk back.

"Atsumu started the idea for a sleepover and then he forgets his shirt huh." Suna comments, and Atsumu starts scowling again. "You're really simpleminded," Osamu adds, snickering.

Maybe he was. That's why he didn't know what to do when they opened the locker room. It was like a sunny day and a sudden jumpscare. But one that didn't make you yell, but instead it's like a scar digging, and you can't scream.

Tears slipping down, mixing with the body fluids that kept trailing down the chin of Abe themselves. The rope made sounds, clinging unto the neck tightly. Their eyes were wide, staring at him. But Atsumu was just standing, frozen, and _oh god, someone was dying._

Someone grabs Atsumu's wrist, and he finds Osamu, face filled with fear. Then he finds it in his throat to yell; "Abe-san!"

It seemed to make the other two move as well, Kita starts fixing the chair that was lying sideways. Suna rushes in, and reaches for his shoes, and pulls a small dagger.

Well that was something to unpack later.

The twins also rush in, standing just below the hanging student, ready to catch as Suna passes the dagger. Kita makes a clean cut, it was fast and thorough.

The twins easily catch Abe, their own body weak, limbs shaking. Chest heaving as air enter their lungs, breath heavy and it's loud enough to fill up the quiet room.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Atsumu asks, and Abe takes awhile, and their first response is to push the twins away. They looked up, gaze frustrated, angery.

"It's-" They pause, breath still shaky. "It's fucking rude to disrupt someone dying."

"Hah??"

Atsumu didn't understood, he wished he did, but he made no move. Abe falls back, still breathing. The four let them have a moment to breathe, Kita and Osamu were first to lower themselves, giving concerned gazes. Suna follows, and Atsumu reluctantly sits on the floor.

Kita offers his handkerchief, as expected of the club's perfect captain. Abe was reluctant to take it, but uses it anyways. Mostly to hide their face, eyes were avoiding everyone else's.

"Um.." He starts, "Are you okay?"

Abe shakes their head, sniffling. An obvious no.

It was quiet for awhile, everyone had no idea what to say. Even Kita gazes at the twins, frowning a bit. Osamu and Atsumu shrug at the same time, unsure what to say too. Atsumu could try something, he guessed.

"So w-"

Suna cuts him off, asking "Do you wanna talk about it?"  
his voice was blunt, eyes still the same.

Abe makes short eye contact, then shakes their head.

"Atsumu, bring them to the sleepover." Suna then says, turning to the blonde.  
"Ehh?"

Kita now stands, commenting "Good idea."

Atsumu did not think it was a good idea, but he didn't know if there were any other good ones, everything just felt like a bad one. He watched as Kita offers a hand, letting Abe stand up.

"Are you okay with that?" he asks. Again, the response was slow, but Abe nods. Suna picks up the remains of the rope, and gives it to the shorter student. "Here,"

Osamu whisper-shouts a "hey!", both him and Atsumu worried it will make things worst. Abe starts tearing up again, nodding. "Thank you.." They whisper. They toss it in one of the lockers, everyone assuming it was theirs.

Kita pats Abe's head, whispering "there there." Like their first..or well. their second interaction. Abe's shoulders start to drop down, they let an audible sigh as they close their eyes. The twins also sigh at this.

"Come on," Osamu pats their back, "I'll get you something to eat. You like eggs right?"  
Abe nods again.

"do you have any clothes? And Atsumu, grab your shirt too."

The others try to comfort the student who just tried to kill themselves, things were still tense so Atsumu can't help but keep looking back when he packed his shirt into his bag. Abe was holding their bag tight, close to their chest, occasionally they'd still sniff, eyes still glossy.

The walk was silent, sometimes Kita asking what was happening with the others while Suna tapped away, eyes focused on his phone. Osamu says something sometimes, warning about the items in their household. Atsumu was being uncharacteristically quiet, walking next to Abe.

The twin's house was near the school, it was large enough as well, just usually empty since it was left for the twins, both parents always away for work. The house was just past a couple of busy streets.  
When loud cars passed, Atsumu was first to see Abe visibly wince.

The three in front of them were already pre-occupied. Taking that information in, Atsumu had a brief idea, but one he was reluctant to do.

As they all wait for the streetlight to turn green, giving them the signal to cross, the blonde pulls out his pair of wireless earphones. He leans down a bit, and offers them. Abe looks at him, not with furrowed eyebrows, and their gaze wasn't one that was looking away.

"..my phone is dead."  
"Then, let's share, you can listen to the songs I have." Atsumu flashes his smile. He was still one of the school's most handsome student after all. He had charms for a reason.

"Is that you're 'im charming you' smile?" They visibly cringe. Atsumu was more shocked that the other noticed. Abe rolls their eyes, a small smile was visible though.  
"Practice the one you have when you make successful serves, that one's cuter."

Once they all start walking again, Abe was listening to one of the songs on Atsumu's phone. Their smile gone again. Their eyes was unfocused, and it heavily reminded the blonde of the two other people he was with.

Man, they could all use a smile.

Maybe as soon as Atsumu figures out how to handle the fact he might be traumatized by what he saw earlier, he'll get them to smile. Someday. Maybe.

When they finally got to their destination, none had much complaints but were curious as to why they suddenly brought an extra person. The juniors were the one that was most happy to have Abe.

"Abe-san! Why are you here?" "Are you joining us too?" "Abe-san! how are you?"

It made Abe pre-occupied as they wear a polite smile. "Well,- I guess? I hope you guys don't mind."

"Not at all, it's nice to see you're okay, Hira-san was worried since you she thought you were avoiding her." Heisuke replies. The others dragging Abe to the living room where everyone was playing a racing game.

Everyone had agreed that Osamu, Kita, and Aran would be the one cooking dinner. The others were already playing, Abe even takes turns, and whenever they do, Atsumu tries to convince the player competing with them to switch, just so he can to try and one-up Abe.

It was irritating Abe, Atsumu could tell.

The event earlier pops up in his head, and he starts looking at Abe the next time they played again, checking if they were okay. Their face was...very neutral. It was frustrating, he already had lots of people like that in his life, at least he knew how to irritate Suna and Osamu, and well..Kita looked really good with a neutral face.

But if Cola-chan can make Abe embarrassed even just a little, if Abe can me mad, can cry, can be flustered, looking away, He was determined to make it happen and see it for himself.

The controllers passed around again, and once it was passed to Abe, they declined.  
"I'm not a big fan of racing. Plus my hands feel weak at the moment."

"Laaame." Atsumu comments, Abe just glares, and turns away. The usual reaction, and it ticks Atsumu off.

The blonde frowns, and looks at the different games he had while the others continued to play. They start pondering for awhile, before getting up to go to the kitchen, suddenly hungry instead.

Abe was now using their phone, trying to reply to messages. You know, like nothing ever happened to them.

Suna did the same, but they speak up, just loud enough for Abe to hear.

"I know he's annoying, but it's how he shows he cares."

It was impressive, How Suna's eyes barely show any emotion. His eyes locked on his phone as he keeps using it. Even while they walked earlier, his eyes were glued on it the whole time, Kita scolded him a bit for it.

"And you?" Abe asks. "You're not a talker, I heard you're only good for gossiping. Is it you showing you're concerned?"

"Maybe so." Suna replies. "You're not the first one to do it there."

He then paused, looking up from his screen to think.  
"I could talk shit if someone told you to do it."

"And why would you want to do that?"  
"I just like starting shit."

Abe lets out a soft chuckle. "Is that so?"  
Suna hums, going back to focus on his phone again. "I won't stoop low to talk about what you did though. I'm not that mean if you're intimidated."

"Riseki says you are though." The other points out. "Riseki-san. The sister," they correct.

"Only when people deserve it." Suna was nonchalant about it. "or If I'm bored."  
"Got any interesting stories to share then?"

Suna puts his phone down, finally looking at Abe.  
"Would you even know them?"

"No." They smiled awkwardly, "But you can tell me?"

Once Atsumu has escaped the kitchen, arms full of snacks, his eyes first notice Abe and Suna. Gossiping like girls was a strange look on them, but it fits Suna perfectly, he even smiles sometimes as he whispers, Abe's reactions always looked exaggerated to the point it was obviously genuine and ridiculous.

Atsumu frowns, not knowing why, but couldn't complain since it was entertaining, most especially when he joins in listening.

"What're you guys talkin' about?" He asks, Suna loses his smile.

_"Her hair looked exactly like Atsumu's but worst."_

"What's wrong with my hair?? I take good care of my hair you know! Plus it's a good cut!"

Abe's reaction was neutral again, obviously, they were bothered by Atsumu's presence. The blonde wasn't stupid, he could tell.

"Um, can someone help? We need an extra hand." Someone calls from the kitchen, Abe was first to excuse themselves, getting up to go to the kitchen. Atsumu, offended, scrambles to get up as well.

Kita starts asking Abe to cut some vegetables, Osamu helping peel them. Atsumu stands in the kitchen, fists curled as he pouts. He hasn't even done anything wrong!....he thinks. But still even if he did Abe could at least say something. Didn't he help save their life or something?

Atsumu was a handsy person, something normal to him. So he figured if he gave the one ignoring him something, anything, maybe a noogie or a pat in the back like he does to everyone, that might fix a few things.

But as his hands touch the shorter person's shoulders, he felt how stiff it was, and just how much his touch made it worst.

He felt an elbow hit him, and his arm grabbed. He was pinned to the floor, he didn't know step by step at how fast it was, but soon enough he found himself looking up to a pair of eyes and a knife held above. Honestly, he was a little mesmerized.

He realized when he stared back, he couldn't compare Abe much with Suna, or Kita, or his own brother. Nor the others as well, they were all different persons and so was the one who gasped and got off Atsumu's body.  
The glare, it was the usual glare, but Atsumu notices the fear laced all over it. 'you reminded me of someone', he remembers. People go through things, if he can realize that he has rough days, maybe he should've remembered that others have it too.

"Goddamit-" Abe cursed. "You could've gave a warning- I could've stabbed you!"

The kitchen was quiet, and Atsumu was still stuck, looking up. Abe takes a deep breath and exhales heavily. "I'm sorry- I.." They couldn't find a reason, they just apologized again.

Kita takes their hand, grasping the knife to put it away. "Why don't you step outside for awhile? And calm down. You helped enough."

The other nods, taking a walk of shame to the back of the house, going outside. Atsumu stands up, still looking.

It was dangerous. It was probably VERY dangerous, they warned him after all. He could've gotten hurt, something worst than punches. He's used to those, since he and his brother fought a lot, but this was much more serious. He's not accustomed to dealing with serious.

And yet while everyone was distracted, calming those who got curious to look at what was going on in the kitchen, he followed. Going to the back of the house, where the twins had their small backyard and pool.

The moon reflected on the water, and Abe sat just near the edge, eyes staring as the pool water gently moved. Atsumu clear his throat, approaching to stand next to Abe. When the other didn't move, just looked, Atsumu took that as a sign that he MIGHT not be in danger.

"Sorry again. You can save the insults, I'll leave later."

"Oi." Atsumu frowns. "You almost stab me and you're just gonna leave? You think I'm just gonna let you do that?"

Abe visibly flinches, glaring back. Ah shit.

"S-.." Atsumu has a hard time, but he tries. "Sorry. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I just don't understand what goin' on."

"First time dealing with someone mentally ill?"

"Well.." Atsumu shrugs. " _No_." He takes a seat close to Abe, the other glares at them, noticing his obvious lie. "Maybe?" The blonde finally admits, looking at the pool water.  
  
"God I wish that were me."

The blonde smiles at the little joke, but looks back at the person beside him again, eyes tired. "Sorry. I wish I knew what was wrong."

Atsumu can understand..he thinks.  
"I think.." He starts. "That's ok. But you probably reacted that way 'cause I reminded you of someone right?"

"Hm. Yeah, but this time it was more like.. I was already thinking of stuff before you uh. Held me. I got scared."

"What kind of stuff?" Atsumu asked, genuinely curious. "Or well. Who is this someone anyways."  
The other was avoiding eye contact, and was stammering, but they manage, Atsumu was surprisingly patient about it, but eyes were eager to learn. "Just- Some guy from U.A. and-"

"Whoah whoah _wait_ \- The hero school?" The blonde cuts the other off. Gears were finally starting to fit, but it hasn't moved. "No wonder you can punch!"

"Thank you..?" Abe smiles awkwardly. "But yeah. I was actually from Shinketsu, and then I moved, and then well. I dropped out the course."

"Well no fuckin' wonder you were on the edge of your seat!"  
Abe frowns, and Atsumu apologizes again for raising his voice. "It's a habit." He excused.

"It's alright. I don't usually mind it."  
"You don't?"  
"No. I like it..when I'm not upset and don't feel like I'm gonna go insane that is. And won't burst my eardrums."

Atsumu hums. "You haven't told me much about the guy."

"God." Abe's face looked disgusted. "He's blonde."  
"What is it _with you_ and my hair??"

Abe starts laughing, holding their stomach. It was loud, their grin making their eyes look squinted. The way they laughed, it fits, it's exactly like them. Atsumu smiles, a warm feeling rising in him that helps with the cold air.

"Sorry sorry. His hair is actually worst than yours, if that helps." They said once they calmed down. "He's much more louder too. Oh, and he Immediately gives off 'asshole' energy, while yours is more like a 'dickhead' one."

"Am I supposed to know the difference??" Atsumu asks, Abe nods. "Yeah." They chuckle. "But really, he's seriously so fucking rude. When he says something he could at least try to be nicer about it since he's in the hero-course right? But no. He's plain rude."

"That does sound like an asshole," Atsumu comments, and Abe raises their voice "RIGHT??" they make exasperated noises. "Its- he's. He was frustrating as a classmate and since my old friends were HIS friends I had to be near him and it was annoying. And then one day well, they just. He said I just didn't have what it takes to be a hero. And my friends pretty much implied they agreed. Maybe I never did but I still wanted to try but, after that I just. Couldn't go back. It was crushing. devastating." Abe sighs.

Atsumu stays quiet, letting the crickets of the night fill the silence.

"I don't have much ambitions. They're all gone. Say if you don't have done that, and feel like you've already accomplished enough, you'd be okay with death too, right?" Abe asks. Their eyes looked like they were desperate for an answer. Atsumu was hesitant, but he nods.

"I don't know why I'm still here. It's not like what you saw in the locker room was my first."

Abe then adds "And well, sorry for the trauma"

A gentle breeze flows by, and Atsumu doesn't know what he feels, but his mind was running trains of thoughts. Gentle ones, the speed wasn't too fast, and it was like taking it at a summer night.

"I came here looking for something, what I got wasn't something I completely wanted or predicted. I was just..ready to go through school like an anti-social kid, finish it, and if I wanted to keep going, I'll go, and if Im ready to go away, I'll do it. Maybe it's a waste but It's my life, I have the right to do what I want. But instead I get here, I get targetted for being a foreigner that didn't fit in this country's standard women's look, I get involved by twins that the school body focuses a lot on, I get targetted by a third year who just wants to provoke me everyday for some reason, I get fucking insults by you, Osamu just wants me to be in that table so he doesn't deal with you, I gain crushes on the people I have no chances with, I get fucking death threats by mail in my locker and when I did try to die some guys from a club involving a sport I hate save me."

The growl in Abe's throat grew with every second passed, until they finally finished, they take the minute to catch their breath. They glared like the pool just spat on their grave. Once they finally calmed down again, they ask "Can you not ruin my plans?"

"No."

Atsumu realized he was quick to reply, and he didn't know why. He understood the situation, Abe had a point, he did just stop someone who was dying, and Abe already said that they were ready for it. Not a 'I deserve it' bullshit but a 'I'm ready.'

They glare, "Hah?" they asked, looking confused, and maybe offended.

"Well it's normal to have problems and well I got shit to say about you and-"  
Abe continues to glare and Atsumu cuts himself off. _Of course the other knows problems were normal but was probably just seeking some peace._

"It's well-." Atsumu couldn't find the words. He just suddenly blurted it. He knows he has a brain and he's racking it, looking for a response.

"Well its just.." He hesitates, "I think I wanna make people smile."

Atsumu then visibly cringes at what he said, but shakes his head.

"Not everyone, " Atsumu starts babbling again like he's defending himself. "Its just. People like you, Kita, Suna, and my own dumb brother just..don't smile a lot. I really wanna see you guys grin or something, I mean, you should've seen your face earlier!" He points.

"Not. Not in a bad way its just.." The blonde grew embarrassed by the second, the other's confused expression making his face feel like it's heating up more.

_"Oh god, this is so lame. Don't tell Samu, In fact, just forget I said anything."_

Abe hums, pulling their legs close. "I won't, but you really do remind me of the asshole from my old class." they tilt their head. "You have a soft side somewhere, don't you?"

"No. I'm too swagger for that."

The two burst out laughing. "Never say that shit again,"

Atsumu was first to reach the aftermath of the laugh, he let's himself stare at the other. Well, if he had to admit he was soft, maybe he was. He wouldn't say he was too nice, he know's he's still a jerk, but when it comes to the people he does give a shit about, he wants to see a smile, he's selfish like that.

So he let's himself notice the way Abe smiles, taking it all in. It was a better look than seeing them scowl, he'd hate to see it gone.

"Can I hold you?" Atsumu asks, it was more hushed. "Again, that is."

Abe's face flushes in a darker shade.

"Not that way!" Atsumu starts feeling his cheeks tint red again. "It's just-" Atsumu can't find the words again. "I'll get you for almost stabbing me! And well, the punches. But..for everything else, I think you need a hug."

Abe blinks, and their eyes starts to water again. Atsumu expected that, at least. "You're really a crybaby aren't you?" They wrap their arms around the shorter person, giving a tight embrace as the other keeps sobbing.

"I'm sorry," They whine, "I'm sorry.Let'me buy you pudding." They kept sniffling, their voice was muffled, but Atsumu heard it clear. "Didn' mean to hurt you. don't want to be mean."

Oh god, Atsumu feels a tug in his heart. He hates to admit it but yes. He definitely has a soft side, especially when others show genuine care for him. That, and he feels something else, something disturbing him, like an itch. The hug somehow scratching it. 

The hug brings him comfort too. No one was gonna die tonight, the hug reassures. His voice almost croaks, but he hums. "Yeah, you owe me two cups."

"Swagger."

Atsumu pushes the other away, the two laughing again. "Now look who's saying it!" "I've been saying it before you have! You don't know me!"

It was cold at night, the breeze passing by can make anyone shiver. But as the laughter dies down, the two found themselves feeling warm.

"Atsumu," Abe says. The blonde boy hums. "Thank's man."

"Man??" He asks, confused. "What's wrong with that?"  
"It's just. You know. I don't know, you look like a girl then act like a guy and-.. I'm just confused."

They giggle, standing up. They reach down, pinching Atsumu's cheek. It wasn't painful, it was just firm enough. But the face was close, Atsumu can pretty much see every detail of Abe's eyes, the way it squints even with just a small smirk.

"Doesn't look like you mind it though."

As the other starts walking back to the inside of the house, Atsumu rubbed their cheek.

"Come on, I still gotta apologize for freaking everyone out." They yell, already reaching for the door. Atsumu stands up, still feeling their cheek from when they laughed earlier. Even when it has died down, he realizes his cheeks were still warm the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suna's knife and atsumu's trauma is still there but lets unpack that next time


	11. I felt something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, meals are better with people."

The kitchen was crowded, the boys pausing the game to take a peek inside after hearing a commotion. Kita and Aran tried to convince everyone that everything was fine, as if Atsumu wasn't almost just stabbed. Abe had admitted it themselves. 

But Kotaku had asked about it more, pushing the question which made the others linger, seeking an answer. It wasn't that hard to miss Abe's yelling earlier. Kotaku demanded for an answer again, he always didn't want to feel like he wasn't being told things. 

But Rintaro was humanitarian. He thinks everyone is, even just a little.   
He knows it doesn't fit with how he looks, but he can't do much about that. Everyone was just a little wary, after all they just brought in a student they're not too familiar with. His eyes catches Osamu finally noticing that Atsumu wasn't in the room anymore, and Kita was definitely not used to these kinds of situation. If Rintaro had to guess, Kita would end up telling everyone,

"Ats-"

"Sorry." They cut their captain off, making everyone look at him. Even though his voice was still deadpanned, it caught everyone's attention. 

"I actually wanted to bring Abe-san, they're going through something. I'm sure that whatever happened earlier was an accident," he mutters. 

The juniors looked at each other, and sighed in relief. "Is that so? That explains a lot." One speaks up. "I thought Abe-san finally snapped and Atsumu might be in trouble." Heisuke chuckles awkwardly. 

"Oh, so that's why they were actin' weird. 'Snice for you to do that," Kosaku says, patting Rintaro's back. They only hummed as the other turned to go back to the living room. Aran shoots a thankful smile to him, and he passes a subtle thumbs-up. Though his expression hasn't changed, This was normal. Everyone was just a little paranoid, and Everyone's a little humanitarian. 

"Now where did that idiot run off to..!" Osamu rolls up his sleeves, taking a step outside through the back door. When he takes a peek outside, he did find his bothersome brother, but he paused. The entire scene looked private, and it was calm. 

A surprise, but one that was welcomed. 

Osamu closes the door and goes back. Aran was first to notice.   
"They okay?"  
"Yeah."

They all go back to cooking, the meal almost finished. "Seriously, He sure has a way of attracting chaos." Aran says. "You sure he's gonna be okay?"

Osamu nods. He doesn't know how to put it into words, but he always knew that Atsumu has a nicer side to him, but didn't know how to express it. And Abe well..he doesn't know them that well, but he can't imagine them actually being a threat. 

"They're gonna freeze out there," Kita says, eyes not being taken off the vegetables he held. The subtle change in his voice was noticeable to the two though. Aran chuckles. "You gonna go after them if they stay out for too long?" 

"Well, who else would?" Kita replies. Osamu was quick to say "not me."

He was lazy, definitely, plus he knew that Kita would be the one to want to do it anyways. That, he can't put to words as well, but he just knows somehow, his captain wants to ensure everyone's safe.

Soon enough, the two enter back, Aran first greeting them a "Welcome back you two," Kita being in relief in the most minute way. "You two finally made up?"   
Abe looked like they were in a better mood, and Atsumu was strangely looking away. 

"Well..yeah. Yeah we did." They bowed. "Sorry for everything earlier- I got startled. I'll try to make up for it." 

"They're just a big baby." Atsumu teases, finally facing everyone with his signature smile. "Says you." Abe replies back,

Osamu watches the two banter, before he finally goes back to focus on the food. His hands grabbing a couple of eggs to cook next. 

"It's okay, just don't stab anyone." Kita says, his voice unusually calm, but that's normal to them. "I don't even _want_ to stab anyone!" Abe says, pouting.   
"They actually cant. Too soft. Can't do shit." Atsumu continues to mock. 

Someone enters the kitchen, Heisuke stands there, and his shoulders relieve as he sees the two. "Oh thank goodness, you guys are okay." he walks up to his seniors, patting Abe on the back. "You okay? Hira-san is still waiting for your response, I told her you have stuff you're working on?"

Abe nods, then gasps. "Oh shit- Yeah thanks for reminding me. " They pull out their phone, and the three start walking back to the living room.

The other juniors pause the game, welcoming them back and asking if they were all okay. Atsumu answers to them, letting Abe focus on trying to reply back, the Blonde saw the contacts and saw that they did need to reply, but there weren't a lot of people in there.

Maybe he can steal his brother's phone later since he had the person's number.

"So.. What If I put your bed next to Kita?" Atsumu whispers. Abe freezes up, and glares. The whisper didn't work though, because Heisuke was still there.  
  
"Why Kita?" 

Then the others turn. Suna doesn't look up from his phone, but explains, "Your beloved senpai was the one who called Kita a perverted angel."   
Abe starts mumbling, flustered. All they could do was grab a throw pillow and..well, throw it. Suna was quick to dodge it, looking unphased. 

"That was you?" One of the juniors ask, since they were the ones that missed that incident. Abe shakes their head. "No- _well_. yes but- Don't just talk about it so casually!"   
  
"Well it's not like he doesn't know, why are you trying to hide it?" Atsumu pokes, Abe keeps trying to smack his hands away. Heisuke frowns, and shoots a question that made Suna look up;

"But, didn't you ask for my sister's number because of your crush on her?"

The blonde starts making a face, shocked and his eyes sparkle. "You?? On the captain and on HER??" Atsumu starts shaking Abe by the shoulder like an excited child. "Look at you!! Having feelings!!" "I always have feelings you moron!"

"Now all of the volleyball club knows your weakness." Suna comments, Abe grits their teeth but couldn't come up of anything to reply.

Atsumu keeps teasing Abe, and ends up bragging and 'giving advice' on how to flirt, Heisuke was the only junior that tried to comfort them while the others laugh a bit. The poor victim being embarrassed was now covering their face, groaning every now and then. 

Suna then starts tapping on Abe's shoulder, when they lift their head up, Suna's phone was being shown, a video playing. They were quick to notice Atsumu's blonde hair, looking like it was freshly bleached, and Kita too.

In the video, Atsumu was giving a grin that look painful while pinning his taller upperclassman. Kita looked unsurprised but was waiting for Atsumu to say something. 

" Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my praye-" 

A sudden hand was thrown in front of Abe, and Suna pulls his phone back, saving it just in time. Atsumu glares at him, face entirely red. "What the hell man?!"   
Suna only gives a sly smile while the others burst out laughing.

"Oh yeah, I forget he did that," Ginjima chuckles, Atsumu makes whining noises when the video continued to play. Suna kept avoiding Atsumu effortlessly around the livingroom. The audio heard was just Atsumu who keep trying to flirt, each one cheesy, the other's being messed up the whole time.

Someone suggests a different game to play, which saved Atsumu from further embarrassment. They started switching again, after changing the game on screen. Conversations kept going, ranging from different to slightly personal ones. Occasionally, the others would ask Abe something, hinting a subtle 'hey are you ok?'

They were responsive, but it wasn't much. They were okay. Just..ok.

Although Atsumu was obviously starting to behave like he wasn't sure if things were really okay since the responses, though normal for Abe, was polite, most of the time lazy.   
Suna pats his back, but didn't glance up. They know not to rush recovery. Though Atsumu is most likely traumatized, Suna still can't see anything wrong happening yet, but now Abe was still probably processing a lot. They won't know what the other needed, but they offered them to join the sleepover for comfort. Whether they need space or someone to talk to, Suna could at least help and make sure they weren't lonely. 

If it wasn't for their hair, Suna would see the red marks around Abe's neck, even from the back.  
  
The first years have to be the one who are closest with Abe, It was easy to understand why. Guy who looks Introverted but has strong morals seemed approachable to them, and the fact they were foreign made them stand out which is like finding an interesting rock to kids. Like how the twins had a fascination with Aran's name sounding cool because it sounded foreign. 

Abe teases some of the underclassmen but in a more light joking manner. Like they can't even throw a genuine insult no matter how much they want to. In return the others often include them in things, reminding Abe when it was their turn to play, asking things and making sure they give them questions too so they don't feel left out.

"Is something wrong?" Suna finally asks Atsumu so he stops pouting when no one was looking, or so he thinks. Atsumu asks "eh?" he smiles "No?"

Suna hums.  
"So what happened in the kitchen?" he asks, lowering his voice this time, so no one hears.  
The blonde hesitates, frowning, but sighs. "Scared em off, almost got stabbed. Also found out the reason why. said I reminded em of someone, but I'm pretty sure it's just cause of my hair." 

Atsumu pushes his hair back, and pouts again. "I don't know what's wrong with my hair, It's fine and clean!"

"anything else?" 

"..Oi.." Atsumu glares at Rintaro. Suna looks up from this, pausing on his phone scrolling. "You're not gonna-"

"I'm not." Suna glares back, cutting Atsumu off. "I'm not that cruel." he says, feeling a bit disappointed. Atsumu gives an apologetic smile.

"I can't say much of course, but I think they just need some peace of mind first." The blonde says, Suna hums going back to his phone.  
Abe finishes their turn playing, and sits close to the two, asking "Why we whispering?"

"sharin' secrets." Atsumu replies. "With you? I don't think you can even keep one." Abe mocks, before adding a "Just kidding. What secrets?"

"'snot a secret anymore then." Atsumu crosses his arms. "Senpai you're childish." A first-year comments. The others giggle, Abe included. The atmosphere inside the house was becoming warmer and lighter. It distracts suna from looking at the other's neck, but instead focus at the fact things are becoming peaceful. Atsumu said that's what someone needed. 

  
"Oh uh. Rintarou." Abe calls out, Suna looks up. "Thanks for inviting me." 

"It's nothin'" They say, looking away. It really wasn't a big deal to him. He hesitates, but he adds "just from one they/them to another."

Abe makes an exaggerated gasp, eyes going wider. It was NOT a big deal, but Suna did enjoy the reaction. The other moves their head around, then scootched just a little closer. Suna looks back, and the other starts bending their wrist, eyes pretty much yelling _'this you? like this??'_

Suna does the same, and Abe gasps louder again, eyes shining as they grin. "Bitch" They said, "No way. Well, I should've expected from the.." Abe gestures to their eyes. "But still."

Atsumu wore a confused face, looking back and forth from the two. "Whats? What's going on?" 

"You can't _not_ know."   
"No, he won't know." Suna explains. "He's still pretty new."

The two stifle a laugh while Atsumu complains, demanding for an explanation. 

A delicious smell suddenly overwhelmed the air, and everyone looked up to find Kita placing food on the table already. Everyone starts standing up, rushing there. "Finally!" One said "I'm starving" other chimed in, surrounding the table. 

"Fuck, you guys should cook together more!" Atsumu says, already stuffing his mouth full. "HEY- HOW'D YOU EVEN GET YOUR OWN CHOPSTICKS ALREADY?"

The others start helping getting the table set up, everyone's voice filled the air as it mixed along with the scent of food. With how warm everything was, the atmosphere felt very homey. Kita was scolding the others who were already hogging up the food, Suna makes sure to takes pictures of the others who got away hiding food. For future use.

Osamu places a bowl in front of Abe from where they sat, and as promised, there were eggs, boiled. They were carefully placed on top of the rice, and salt and pepper was sprinkled all over it. A simple dish, but one that Abe expressed their favorite, back to the night they and Osamu met in a small store.

As soon as everyone said thank you for the meal, the others were quick to maul all over their food. The others laugh at this, and ate at a slower pace. Osamu was eating of course, but he and Kita were looking at Abe as they took their time, grabbing their utensils. They took their first bite, a slow one. The egg and rice was soft, a bit too hot, but it's the right kind of warmth they liked. 

It was warm. _It was warm._

It hits them all at once, they felt relief. Lots of it, they've been having it the whole night. It was hard, but they felt the tension release, at least for now. Their mind was quiet, all they heard was everyone and everything in the house owned by the Miya twins. Their mind was quiet, and o _h god, their mind was finally quiet._

Abe starts sniffling, fat tears running down their face as they tried to keep chewing between sobs. The table goes a little quiet, watching them, but none judged. Kita pulls out tissues, and pass them over. The first years pat their back, and Heisuke pulls them for a side hug. 

Abe didn't know if they needed space, or someone to talk to, or if they're ever gonna recover, or if they had changed their mind, but for now, they didn't feel alone, and they were thankful for that. 


	12. I felt like you cared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, You're not wanted."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is dialogue and text heavy

Abe definitely needed to check up with their therapist.

"Maybe talk to them again?" Suna asked. Abe had opened up about what happened today but didn't go into too much detail. All the club members know is just that the four found Abe when they were going to harm themselves. Heisuke suggested talking to a therapist, and Abe admits they have one all the way in Tokyo. 

They wince at the thought. Kita's brows start to furrow, a slow change to a scolding glare. Abe whines but nods. "I will. I'm gonna try to ask them If I can drop by next weekend." 

The others find relief at that, and went back to playing games. It went up until it was late and everyone fell asleep. Abe thanked everyone, and they all part ways. It was Monday again, sooner than everyone expected. Abe finds themselves following the same schedule, the same pattern, but things have been quieter. Their brain hasn't screamed so much..yet. 

Cola-chan has been teasing every morning, which made Abe want to bite down on her arm. That's normal. Riseki-san has been worried, but was happy Abe was being responsive again. Heisuke did warn his sister, and Riseki understands. She made no comment when Abe was spacing out for longer periods and has been lazier with replies. 

  
"This park?" Riseki asked, accompanying Abe on their way home. They decided to stop by the park first, the one where Osamu hung out with Abe. The aforementioned starts lowering themselves, calling out to cats. A few pop out, curiously sniffing. They run away. 

"Aw. It's too bad they ran away." Riseki pouts.   
"They have their own things to deal with. It's normal." Abe explains. The two continue their walk home.

"Saturday?" Tendou hums. His voice echoes around the kitchen where Abe was making dinner. "Yeah. Need to talk to em about something important." They explain, voice loud enough to reach the phone's mic. 

"Is that so? And whoah, your voice sounds a little different."

"Sorry? If so I don't know why, maybe I'm just tired."

"Or picking up the accent." Tendou adds. "But, back to your check-up. That sounds serious."

"Oh you have no idea. We're gonna get serious." Abe laughs. They start chopping vegetables. 

"I have one in Sunday." Tendou says. "We can meet up on your day. I'll be there for emotional support!" he also laughs.

"Sounds serious." "You have no idea."

Abe starts cleaning up, tossing the last of the ingredients in a small pot. The smell was wavering through their apartment, and heating the room up. They hum, grabbing their phone from the table where it was clean and cry.

"Well, I'd love to, but I plan on meeting someone too."

They weren't lying. They told Sakusa two days ago that they were going somewhere, and just yesterday he says he plans on coming along.

 **germaphobe** : you still going on Saturday?  
**absizanerd** : ya!!  
**absizanerd** : gotta get that therapy   
**germaphobe** : you've only went there for therapy right?  
**absizanerd** : yeah, I don't do much after that bc I will get lost  
**germaphobe** : meet me here

 **germaphobe sent an attachment  
****absizanerd** : girl what  
**germaphobe** : we have a week long training there but theres been an increase of villain appearances.   
**absizanerd** : I can take care of myself  
**germaphobe** : this for me :/

 **absizanerd** : :/

 **germaphobe** : I'll take you around

 **absizanerd** : no. rude ass

 **germaphobe** : let me finish

 **germaphobe** : theres a cafe. the strawberry cake there is really good

**germaphobe sent an attachment  
**

**absizanerd** : omg swag lets gooooo

Thats where the messages last left. Aside from the following argument of Sakusa asking everyone to stop using 'swag'. 

"You meeting someone?~" Tendou asks, his voice teasing. "Not like that." Abe chuckles. "The guy I saved, remember him?"

"Well of course, all he does is complain yes?"   
Then he paused. "Wait shit, he's showing up? You GOTTA make me meet him." He says, suddenly excited. Abe hums, waiting for their soup to start boiling. 

"Sure but if he doesn't like you, that's not my fault." 

Abe texts Sakusa, asking if they could bring someone. 

  
absizanerd: what if I brought a friend with me  
germaphobe: fuck no

They shake their head. "He said no."   
"Add me to a groupchat."  
"What? uh- I don't think he'd like that."  
"Cmon. I'll just try to talk to him myself."

Out of curiosity, Abe goes with it. Making a groupchat for the three of them. 

**absizanerd added chicken tendo man to 'swag' haters  
absizanerd added germaphobe to 'swag' haters  
absizanerd changed chicken tendo man's name to Tendou  
absizanerd changed germaphobe's name to Sakusa**

**Tendou** : hi  
**Tendou** : OMFG NO WAIT SAKUSA KIYOOMI??  
**Sakusa** : bye  
**Tendou** : NO WAIT LMAOO I DIDNT KNOW IT WOULD BE YOU  
**Tendou** : **absizanerd** GIRL WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME

Tendou's laugh can be heard through the speakers. "SAKUSA??? SAKUSA KIYOOMI??" He asked. "You know him?" Abe was confused.  
  
**Sakusa** : I hate you both  
**absizanerd** : huh what I'm confused  
**Sakusa** : why the fuck are you friends with the freak from shiratorizawa  
**absizanerd** : dont be rude he just wanted to meet you :/  
**Sakusa** : but why him  
**Tendou** : relax relax~  
**Tendou** : But yes hi hello how are you :3

"Our team played against his a couple times already." Tendou explains. Abe groans "Oh my god, volleyball." 

**Sakusa** : **absizanerd** you're not bringing him.  
**Tendou** : I'm still going to tokyo either way for therapy :P  
**Sakusa** : right where you belong  
**absizanerd** : stop being so fucking mean  
**Tendou** : It's fine lol  
**Tendou** : but cmon buddy pal  
**Tendou** : its not like I'm going there for a volleyball match.   
**Sakusa** : we are not pals  
**Tendou** : but we could be. outside the court  
**Sakusa** : no. stay 100 meters away from me freak  
**absizanerd** : o fucking kay we get it you dont want to be near him we fucking get it dont be so rude  
  
Tendou audibly snickers. "Sorry." Abe sighs. "But I did tell you he might not like you."   
"That's alright" the other replies.

 **absizanerd** : alright bitchasses who tf actually wants to hang out with me  
Tendou: me  
**Sakusa** : me  
**absizanerd** : no the fuck you dont you just want protection  
**Sakusa** : you said we're gonna hang out at the cafe  
  


"Bitch." Abe suddenly blurts. "What are you? a Tsundere?" 

Tendou start cackling again, and the other shakes their head in disbelief. "No you dont understand, he told me he wanted to meet up because, and I quote, 'we have a week long training and theres been more villains.', He only brought up the cake thing later, and I just said 'ok', that's it." Abe blinks a couple times, "I didn't agree to that I just said yes to getting the cake and the protection." 

**absizanerd** : we could all hang out the cafe  
**Sakusa** : no that's the only clean place I know he's gonna mess it all up  
**Sakusa** : plus theres a store there where you can only buy this one brand of dishsoap and it smells so good its bubblegum and vanilla  
**absizanerd** : kiyoo-chan, in the nicest way possible  
**absizanerd** : ur acting like a kid  
**Tendou** : ASHFJLKRHJHE PLEASGEEE I WOULD NEVER IMAGINE UR ACTUALLY LIKE THIS  
**Sakusa** : shut the hell up   
**absizanerd** : what if I make sure Tendou is dipped in alcohol before I take him  
**Sakusa** : no  
**Tendou** : I promise I'll behave ;)  
**Sakusa** : with that wink, on god's name no the fuck you wont  
  


Abe bursts out laughing now, and Tendou follows.  
"IS HE ACTUALLY LIKE THIS?? HE'S SO...INTIMIDATING ON THE COURT.." 

"he was intimidating when I met him but it went away when he just..started emailing me product reviews?"  
"EMAIL??"

When the laugh dies down, Abe catches their breath.  
"Okay, seriously though, you wanna join in with the cake thing?"  
"Hell yeah."  
  
Abe sits up. "Okay, I'll try to convince him again."

 **absizanerd** : more ppl more protection. also you guys can talk about volleyball. and I'll pay.  
**Sakusa** : I'll consider  
**Tendou** : omfg  
**Sakusa** : its a no  
**absizanerd** : oh my god why  
**Sakusa** : we planned to hang out first  
**absizanerd** : um you just want me for protection :|  
**Sakusa** : If I just wanted that I would've paid you instead idiot I'm trying to show you shit  
**Tendou** : translation: I actually wanted to hang out  
**Sakusa** : yeah okay maybe I did  
**Sakusa** : you guys already talk a lot   
**Sakusa** : He's the one you say you talk to a lot after classes  
**Sakusa** : You won't even tell me anything. you've been quiet ever since last week  
  


Abe's smile falls. They excuse themselves and end the call.  
They guessed they haven't told much to Sakusa, they never do. They did at first but figured it was hard and Sakusa never really looked like the type to like that, so they barely did it anymore. 

  
But Sakusa was a bit of a liar. Maybe he was a bit confused. He was more used to people that will never shut up, telling him lots of things, and he'd be annoyed, but informed. He knew he grew up quiet, but people will often talk to him a lot as he grows up. He also found comfort on being realistic and having lots of information at hand, maybe that's why he also found comfort one being informed about what's going on with the people he cares about.

It's hard to admit, but he knows he's just using Abe for protection if he needs it, and wall to rant to. It's hard for him to decide if he actually cares about it or not.

Maybe he does. He's okay with his friends, don't get him wrong. He's okay with the close one he has. But there are certain people he doesn't know how to deal with yet, and he can't know when he's okay with opening up with them. Sometimes he wants to. 

Sometimes it's hard.

Sometimes it gets harder.

Two nights where Abe barely replied, and then suddenly one morning he wakes up to them saying they were going to Tokyo to have a check-up with someone, and a therapist at that. Something was wrong, is the first thing he concluded. That's the only explanation, that when you meet up with a professional where the job is to help with mental health, of course something would be wrong. 

Sakusa tries to ask what they were up to, most he could get is they were busy, or busy talking to someone else. Be it school peers or other people.

Sakusa tries, but it hurts his head when he feels like he hasn't gathered enough information. 

His phone rings before he could reply, or go offline. It was the first time Abe has called ever since they exchanged numbers, and Sakusa was hesitant, but he ends up accepting the call anyways.

"Sakusa-san?"

The voice was hesitant. It was nervous. But so was he. All he could muster was a hum to reply.

"...Are you okay..?" they ask. It was quiet, and Sakusa doesn't know how to reply. It was easier to just stare until someone gets nervous from his gaze, or to spray alcohol on someone's face. 

"Sorry I haven't talked to you much."

It wasn't a big deal to Sakusa.

"I..actually didn't know how to bring it up."

It wasn't a big deal to Sakusa..

"But I wanted to tell him too.." Abe says. It was the honest truth. "It's kind of hard to know if you wanted to listen to anyways. I don't want to bother you."

"Stupid." Sakusa finally replies. The other end was quiet for a second. "I know, you don't have to remind me." They chuckle. "Can you not insult me though? or Tendou. I think he actually just wants to hang out."

Sakusa frowns, but could only glare at the floor. He sprays the bottle he has nearby for comfort.

"I'll try to open up more." They whisper. It wasn't a promise, or a whisper to convince Sakusa, it wasn't an 'I'll talk to you more.'

Somehow, that made something tug at his chest. 

"Is it true you're hanging out with the miya twins?" Sakusa manages to ask.   
"I..guess you'd also know them?" There was a chuckle on the other end. "Yeah. They're lots of trouble." 

"Hows..Atsumu?"   
"Bratty, but he seems alright. Stole Osamu's biscuits today."  
"So he's also just doing fine.." 

Sakusa sits more comfortably, adjusting himself. 

"and you..?" he adds.  
"Barely okay, but managing." 

Not sharing a lot, but it was still a response they managed to share.

They nod, looking up to their ceiling. The blandness of it making him want to throw something.

"And you?"  
  
Sakusa was still hesitate, and doesn't know how to share a lot, but a response they manage to share; "Barely ok, but managing."

**Sakusa** : okay fine, he can come on some conditions  
**Tendou** : omfg  
**Sakusa** : please be clean   
**Tendou** : gonna scrub myself until I'm a clean squeaky boy :)  
**absizanerd** : whats better than this  
**absizanerd** : just guys being dudes  
**Tendou** : we gonna metabolize in the cafe like mushroom ladies  
**Sakusa** : I'm already getting a headache  
**Tendou** : lmaooo  
**Tendou** : Go rest though  
**absizanerd** : and maybe hydrate your ass  
  
  


Sakusa ends up actually getting a glass of water, realizing he was thirsty. Noticing the time, it was a little late past his sleep time. Others often said he sleeps too early, but he liked keeping his sleep schedule normal. He typed an 'I hate you' to the groupchat, but didn't send. He tosses his phone aside and went to bed, pretending he didn't bother to reply again. 


	13. I felt like you'd be there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, you really need more friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> casual suicide and bad coping mechanisms talk

"dude, i feel so fucking tiny."

Sakusa and Tendou already had tension as soon as both the red-head and well, the shortest one got off the train. They all agreed on meeting at the station as Sakusa demanded, for some reason.

"Well, you're tiny."  
"Im aware I'm short but like, being in the middle is like, making me feel tinier."

Tendou pats Abe, they didn't complain and welcomed it.

"I grew an inch though."  
"Hard to notice."  
"Yes good, keep ignoring it so I can shock you harder when I grow two more inches."  
"Ambitious! Good luck with that." Tendou teases. Abe smiles, maybe failing to notice that it's supposed to provoke them.

Sakusa grumbles something, avoiding a person, sticking close to the other two. Unsurprisingly when the two approached him, he was already wearing a mask, and he sprayed disinfectant all over the two.

"Can you two keep your guards up? A villain was just spotted here yesterday." He complains. Tendou lowers himself, back hunched. "Kiyoo-kun," "Dont call me that." "Are you quirkless?"

The streets were still busy, as usual. It was always so loud, aside from the crowd, the noise has a sense of familiarity to Sakusa.

"Not really.." He finally replies. "It's just a bit useless."

Now Abe also stared, wanting to hear more. Sakusa makes a noise of disapproval but still complied for an explanation.

"It's called premonition. I get stronger feelings when something bad is going to happen, and get few ideas on how to help, but I can't use it on myself. It's not always accurate too."

Sakusa points on a stranger, pushing the two to the side. On cue, the stranger sneezed, and went by on their day while the others kept going.

"Eh? That's cool though." Abe comments.  
"Oh shut up, you have a quirk that got you into a hero course."  
"Your quirk is also hero worthy, powers aren't the only thing that makes someone a hero." they explain. "you gotta go through intense training and lots of classes as well, and have strong morals and good sense of justice."

"Sounds exhausting."  
"Right?"

Tendou hums. "So even if I got two quirks, It's just extra things I can do right?"

The three took a turn, entering a large building. The three agreed to wait for Abe to wait for their check-up to finish first before they go to the cafe. The two re-assure Sakusa that the building is clean and regularly maintained.

"Two quirks?" Sakusa asks. Tendou hums, nodding too.

"Not anything flashy, One of them is Behavior Reading and the other is.." Tendou looks to the side, smiling. "Maybe I'll show it some other time."

They start tapping down Abe's head though, tilting his head as they walk down corridors. "You're the hero drop out though, gonna tell us your quirk?"

Abe sticks their tongue out. "Table of elements, but really I can just produce anything on the table of elements and dye, I had to figure out a way to use them for fighting and defending and it was exhausting."

Tendou plays with the other's hair, whistling. "You dyed your own hair then? Can you help me dye mine? I've always wanted to see what I looked like with blue hair."

Sakusa's eyes visibly winced as Abe laughs. "No. I don't think I want to even imagine that."

"Alright, See you both in a bit." Abe waves before walking in a room. The other two sat next to each other in a row of seats. That fact was already a surprise to Tendou, expecting them to sit at least one space away from him.

Sakusa spraying the sit before he sat wasn't surprising though.

It was quiet, and Tendou just hummed to himself, comfortable enough to spread his legs and have his arms on the back of his head. Sakusa was frowning by the minute, glaring at every direction every five minutes.

When someone starts passing by the corridor, Sakusa sits up straight, his eyes locked on the patient before they disappeared from their line of sight.

The building was still full of ex-criminals, of course, maybe that's whats making Sakusa act uneasy. Tendou continues to hum, smiling to himself with his eyes closed.  
  
  


"can you please stop humming?" Sakusa asks, finally snapping, Tendou guessed. The red-head opened one eye to look. "Hmm?" They smirked. "No humming then."

Tendou now starts singing, it wasn't loud, but it echoes a little through the empty corridor. The sound bounces, and Sakusa clicks his tongue, glaring.  
But as he continues to sing, Sakusa was just looking away, and his shoulders didn't look as stiff anymore. They kept singing as the dark-haired boy himself starts to stop looking around.

When Tendou stops, he hums, hunching himself closer to the other's face.  
"What's this?" He smiles, "did you just want to hear me sing?"

Sakusa rolls his eyes. "You wished."  
"Maybe so." Tendou smiles, poking Sakusa's shoulder. His hand gets slapped away.

"Dont you have a therapist to visit to?" He asks, Tendou hums again, this time pondering a reply. "Why would you like to know, hmm?"

Sakusa scowls again, crossing his arms like a child, focusing his glare at the wall across him. It was quiet, and he felt Tendou's gaze still on him. Tendou hums, tilting his head slowly and moving it for the curly-haired boy's to see. 

They respond with backing their head away, but Tendou kept leaning. Tendou finally stopped to laugh, amazed at how Sakusa kept quiet the whole time.

He could've just pushed him away, or say anything.

"My appointment is tomorrow, I'm just here a day early to hang out, a little break from volleyball practice and school. That kind of stuff~" 

"All by yourself?"

Tendou hums a 'mhm'. Sakusa's brows furrowed, but made no further comment.  
"Do you have a place to go to?"  
  
"Nope"  
"Wow you're so unprepared."

Tendou sends a small glare, but kept smiling and humming.

"What about you?"  
Sakusa shakes his head, not telling. The red-head continues to pester, poking shoulders and asking. It took two minutes before Sakusa slaps the hand away again.

"Another week-long practice."  
"Eh? Volleyball again? Don't you guys ever get any rest?" Tendou asks, expression a little scared. Sakusa huffs. "Of course we do, it's still important. Why do you think I'm here?"  
  
"Because we forced you."

Sakusa sprays his hand before hitting Tendou from the back, The red-head laughs at that.

"Obviously," The curly-haired hissed. "But we got here two days early to explore, resting before we practice again. But resting isn't just sleeping and staying inside, If I don't go out I might mess up my Immune system." 

Tendou hums. Of course he'd care about that.

"Boooo, fuck up your health like the rest of us."

Sakusa hits Tendou again.

Someone enters the corridor again, walking past the two. It felt agonizingly slow for Sakusa, and every footstep that echoed made him glare. Once the figure was gone, Tendou pat's Sakusa's shoulder.

"Relax, you don't have to be a scaredy cat mr.stiff shoulders." He reassures, but the other just glares at the nickname. "The ex-criminals here are trying to be nicer, and I can assure you that not everyone in here is out for blood. only maybe..." he pauses. "ten percent."

It was most likely inaccurate, And Sakusa frowns at that, but it was enough to let his shoulders down, feeling a teaspoon of relief. 

Soon enough, the door opened again, and Abe exits, bidding goodbye to their therapist. As the door shuts, the other two stood up. "Took you long enough," Tendou complains. 

"So..anything interesting?"

The walk was quiet, and Sakusa's eyes were waiting in anticipation, wondering what happened. This was his first time here anyways, and he didn't really know anyone who needed a therapist growing up. 

"You said something bad a week ago?" Tendou asks again.  
  
With a forced smile, they said "I fucked up my lungs!"  
Tendou invites them for a highfive, and with the same smile they replied with "And I broke a bone"

After the highfive, Sakusa only looks scared and confused. He takes a step away from the two, thinking they've gone insane.

Tendou suddenly grabs them, dragging him back close to the group. Tendou gives a squint that goes past the curly-haired's shoulder. When he turns, he finds another patient, though they looked like most people he's seen so far, when they gave a smile, it felt uneasy. 

The three walk out the building in silence.

"Whoah, didn't knew he was still there." Abe comments, Tendou shrugs. "Me either."

Sakusa shakes his head. "Who was that?"  
"Just another lost case. Some people who go there never really get better. No amount of therapy can help a villain who just really wants to ruin people lives." 

The two pat him again, making the group continue to walk. "Relax though, he's going to get prisoned for good now, so I've heard. It happens all the time." 

Sakusa still feels uneasy, but whatever happened earlier was gone in his head. If someone's locked up for good, then that's a problem gone. However..

"You guys should take better care of yourselves.." He grunts, "Why'd you break your bones anyways?" 

The two look at him, and then stared into another direction. Tendou obliged to reply though. 

"It's a bad coping mechanism." they said. "It's hard to explain, but when I can't pull myself together, I end up breaking a bone. I'm trying to work on it though." 

"Why?" 

Tendou shrugs. From the way he looks away, Sakusa wouldn't get a proper answer, so he turns to the shorter one. Abe shrugs as well.

"Almost killed myself again and the noose fucked up my breathing, that's all." 

  
The three entered the cafe, it was very quiet and tense. Sakusa focuses on the modern furniture and the smell. Of course it smelled like baked goods and drinks, but it also smelled very clean. It was faint, but you can smell it, they just finished cleaning all the tables properly.

Once they ordered their drinks and got to a table, Sakusa frowns, sitting across the two. They gave a smile, which made him feel uneasy again.

"You still got a question." Tendou points out. "If you got one you can just point it out, we don't bite." he waves his hand.

"hard." Abe adds, joking.

Sakusa stays quiet, looking to the side. The two talked about their orders, though they did get a strawberry cake to taste, Abe added a blueberry cheesecake, something about 'I don't eat it enough'.

Sakusa wished he understood. Everything, most especially the two. It's strange to him, how the two can be so open to admit at how bad they are at taking care of themselves, but are here to care for their mental health. And they just admitted it so casually. 

He shifts uncomfortably.

"Why did you break your bones?" He asks, gathering up his courage, he'll just decide what to do after he actually gets the information he needs.

"Did you get into fights? you said you do it when you can't pull yourself together, what happened that you broke your bones again, why do you always do it anyways?" Sakusa continues, glaring.

Tendou was visibly nervous now, but still smiled. Abe frowns. "Sakusa, stop interrogating him. You're gonna make him uncomfortable," they complain.

"You." He still continues, frowning. "You tried to kill yourself again? why is that?" 

It was quiet, but the people inside the building just continued on, no one paying mind to the three in their corner. Tendou sighs, leaning back to his chair.

"I told you, it's hard to explain." he looks away, smile disappearing. "It's not like I want to do it, but it's an urge that's been there." he then gasps, looking at the two.

"You know how in anime when something bad is going on, and the character is a little quiet..then SNAP!" 

Tendou snaps, literally. His fingers made the sound as he tilts his neck to the side. Abe shifts uncomfortably, and he notices, and moves his neck back.

"It's kind of like that for me. When I get upset, sometimes It's hard for me to calm down. No matter how hard I try, nothing works until I break something, most of the time I do it to my fingers. Just dislocating it a little. Other times I punch something." he explains, showing off his hands. His fingers were long, covered in bandages. 

"I don't actually want to do that. It hurts you know!" he laughs. "But still. I don't have other things that keep my head grounded. So sometimes when things get tough again.." He snaps his fingers, ending his explanation. 

It was quiet, their cakes and drinks were finally there. Sakusa hesitates, but he grabs his own drink and starts sipping. Tendou nudges Abe.

"Don't leave us out, you gotta say something too."

They look away, thumbs fiddling as they hold their own cup. "level thirty lore.." They mutter. Tendou's eyes widen a little at that.

"Uh...to answer your question, I've hit a low point in my life a long time ago, and kept digging until everything feels so bad that suicidal ideation is normalized for me. So every now and then, even if things aren't going bad if I feel like doing it, I'd try it. My therapist said its unhealthy, and I should try to find a reason to live, but I can't."

Abe grabs a slice of the strawberry cake. They stuff their mouth, humming.

"It's not like I always feel miserable, most of the time it's a 'eh, I feel satisfied with all my experiences and will be ok with death. why not fasten the pace?' kind of thing. But somehow I'm still here, and I'm trying to figure out why is that." 

Sakusa stays quiet, drink in hand. The others were quiet too, Tendou starts serving himself a slice of cake too. The curly-haired boy gently placed their drink down, and serves himself too.

"..do you guys think I should get therapy?" he was quiet about it, but it made the two pause their chewing. "I don't think my problems are as bad as..well..." Sakusa frowns, then shakes his head. "nevermind."

They all continue to eat, and Abe swallows hard, and wipes the icing on their face.

"Do you think you need help?"

"Eh?"

Abe shakes their head. "You don't need a very fucked up problem to get help. Sometimes people just go get therapy because they don't understand something, or even as simple as just needing someone to talk to." 

Tendou hums in agreement. "If you're scared that someone's gonna judge that you've gone psycho, it's normal. But there's no need to be ashamed, it's pretty much like bullying a kid for going to the clinic. Why make fun of someone who simply just needed help to be healthy." they said, trying to help.

Sakusa looks away, feeling a bit guilty.

"Did ya want to get therapy after you almost got kidnapped Sakusa-kun?" 

Abe almost chokes on their drink, and the aforementioned glared at them,

"You told them??" 

Tendou laughs as Abe looks away, guilty. He stretched his arms, yawning.

"Can you two relax? It was all over the news anyways, People are bound to know, all they want now is an Interview from you, right?"  
Sakusa clicks his tongue. "In their dreams."

"But." He turns to Abe, glaring again. "First you don't tell me stuff, now you're hanging out with Miya Atsumu, out of all people, and now you're telling people?"

"I'm sorry!" they apologize, before blinking. "Wait, Miya- Do volleyball players just know each other??" turn to Tendou. The aforementioned shrugs. "Don't know who Miya is."

"He's a brat I'll tell you that. He won't stop annoying me and he just attracts bad things, everytime you both started texting me my quirk starts acting up and I can't even tell why." His hand was curled into a fist, wanting to punch the other. 

Abe frowns. "Wow, you just hate everyone huh." They chuckle. "That's a joke, but Atsumu actually cheered me up..and well..was one of the people that saved me from dying last week.." they winced. 

"Ah shit. I just realized I also probably gave my crush trauma."

"atsumu is your fucking crush??"  
"FUCK NO."

Tendou starts laughing at the two, both cringing. 

"I meant one of the people who were there, the volleyball captain was there and he's really pretty." 

Sakusa sits back properly, sighing at that. and well, relief for other things. He remembers how he was pulled earlier. Maybe he was hanging out with complete screws but maybe they can be okay..maybe Sakusa might actually be okay hanging around with the two. 

Tendou off the court was a little different for him, but was..friendly. Still a bit of an annoying tease, but when Sakusa reviews everything that has happened so far, Tendou was...decent.

Abe on the other hand.. Sakusa mostly finds it refreshing to hang out with them, since they didn't talk about sports and classes all the time.   
  
  
The red-head clears his throat. The others finish the strawberry cake, moving on to the blueberry cheesecake.

"So.. how's your volleyball practice?"

"I only managed to do one thing, which is doing a lucky receive." Abe says.

"Why are you so proud with just that?"  
"you have no idea how hard it is for me to even hold the ball!" They pout at Sakusa. Tendou sighs.

"Some people are just unlucky like that."  
"mean!" Abe lightly hits them. Tendou smiles before taking a bite of his cake. He yells a loud "WHOOOH!"

They keep stuffing their mouth full, chewing and humming. They close their eyes basking in the flavor. "The cake here is really good!"

Sakusa smiles a little at that while Abe chuckles.

"Since were here, we can go to a gym nearby later, I can show you how to serve." Sakusa offers. "Really?" Abe's eyes sparkle, before they frown. "Wait, no. I don't trust that."

"You literally have a nationwide well-known blocker and beloved ace teaching you and you only managed to do ONE receive, you're embarrassing us." 

The other looks away, ashamed. They continue to eat their cake in silence.  
"By the way, I'm surprised you aren't gushing about your waka-kun" Abe suddenly says, both Sakusa and Tendou chokes on their drinks. Sakusa knows exactly who it is, it HAS to be Ushijima, but they made it sound like it was a cutesy name, like the red-head had a little crush.

And when Tendou starts frowning, face red, he's just proving him right.

"... 'waka-kun'..??" Sakusa smiles, mocking the other. Abe looks at the two. "Awh shit- wait.." They looked at Sakusa, and back at Tendou. The red-head sighs.

"Ushijima. His name is Ushijima, and..he's also a player, that Sakusa knows."

"Shit!" Abe apologizes. "I didn't know!" They said, Tendou pats them, "It's alright."

Sakusa raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms.  
"Ushijima huh.." The pause, before frowning. "That's gross, actually."

"Say all you want, he's the one who made me try to go back to therapy again."

"He's not even that hot."

"Oh? and you'd know what a hot guy would look like?"

Sakusa winces. "Definitely one that doesn't look and talk like Ushijima."  
Tendou squints, crossing his arms. "He's charming in his own way."

The curly-haired snickers to himself, and takes a sip of his drink. The cake was all gone, and plates were completely empty. Abe frowns, then speaks up;

"So you're telling me, you're just going for therapy because you had a crush..??" They frowned, looking judgemental. Tendou didn't respond.

Sakusa didn't see a problem with that, it's good to go get help for someone, right? But Abe glares, wearing a genuine frown before they sigh.

"As long as you're doing it for yourself, but that's a little messed up but that's just what I think."

Tendou sighs as well. "I know, I know. I figured if I was just..a little less 'insane' I'd actually have a chance."

Ah. Sakusa finally understands.

"You should prioritize yourself before others. Go continue your therapy for yourself, not for him." Sakusa adds, frowning. "Don't jump into a relationship without knowing how to take care of yourself first."

Tendou smiles, "Speaking from experience?"  
"No. It's just what I think."

The red-head squints, looking to the side. "Yeah yeah, I'll think about it."

Sakusa smiles, eating his cake. His uneasiness was now gone. There was still things he wants to ask, wanting to understand things a little better. But he feels okay now, and just settled with listening to his surroundings. His worries about getting attacked out of nowhere was gone, and his head focuses on the conversation the two were having.

They were talking about their experiences from the past days, Tendou almost burning things, both on purpose and by accident. Abe complaining about certain people and wanting space. Tendou gushes about his teammates. Abe gushes about their favorite games. Tendo blabbers about an anime. Abe rants about food.

Sakusa was quiet. He always was. But if he had to admit, he hated being left out. Maybe it's his need to be informed, or maybe something else. But he's okay with having nothing much to say, as long as it was like this. The two continue on conversations, sometimes asking Sakusa about his opinion on something. 

They were weird. Sakusa realizes that, but didn't mind. It wasn't hard to adjust to it, since they weren't too annoying. Plus whenever Tendou starts talking like he was singing, it sounded nice, It kept the mood up. Abe's hands moved a lot, Sakusa wants to ask next time if it was sign language.

And they both talked a lot. He liked that, and it made him feel like he easily adjusted to their voices. It now felt familiar enough that he finds comfort in it. Just being able to listen.

The three finished their drinks, and step outside. Sakusa checks his phone, there was still a lot of time. He remembers that He needed to go once it's 4 pm, and Abe has to be at the station before 3 pm. 

There was still a lot of time but...not enough for volleyball. He frowns, wanting to see how bad Abe was volleyball and see how Tendou plays all by himself. But by the time they'd reach the place he had in mind, it wouldn't be enough time. 

"So where do you guys wanna go next?" Abe asks, Tendou shrugs.  
"We could go to an amusement park, I think there's one but it's twenty minutes away."

Sakusa debates with himself, looking for options. He wouldn't force the two to stay, but he wanted to play. An amusement park didn't sound bad, but there's so much people there, and places like that makes his quirk start acting weird.

"Sakusa?"

The aforementioned looks at the two, they were waiting for a response.  
"Huh? what? ok." He ends up replying. 

Tendou starts trying to get a ride, but Sakusa clears throat.  
"Actually- wait." He starts, feeling hesitant.

 _Was this ok?_ He thinks it's ok, but at the same time, it feels like it's not. 

"Do you guys want to stay over?"

The two stare back, and Sakusa ends up having to avoid looking back. He braces himself for the response, so that he'd be ready, but when they replied, he still didn't expect it. He doesn't know why.

"Sure. Is your coach gonna be ok with it though?" Abe starts, and pulls out their phone. Tendou hums. "I don't mind, I mean, It's free of charge right?" He smiles, tilting his head. 

"Of course idiot. I have a condition though." He raises a finger.

"We won't make a mess." Tendou already says. Abe adds a "And we'll shower properly." 

Sakusa shakes his head. "That, and you guys are gonna be playing volleyball with me tomorrow." 

"Sure." Abe says again. "Of course! You said you were gonna show how you serve right?" Tendou grins and pats the curly-haired's shoulder.   
  


"I'm bad at volleyball though." 

"Abe-chan~, we already knew that."

Sakusa doesn't know why, but he finds himself feeling great. All the time he spent dreading today felt worth it. He pulls up his mask and smiles, a warm feeling wavering inside him. Next time, he'll try to work up the courage to tell them to go get more cake again, under the condition they won't hurt themselves. _Next time_. Somehow, he feels the warmth spread to his cheeks at that. 


	14. Just when I need someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, still bottling those feelings?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is longer than I expected lol. anyways atsumu and his high standards for himself, tw for uh, him slowly realizing he might be a lil traumatized, tw for death and violence, tw for lots of cursing too. tbh this is just full of my headcanons for him and what I imagine happens if characters like him go thru some shit.

Atsumu has been having weird thoughts lately. It makes him really hungry. 

He finds himself putting his phone down to think. Which is also making him easier to get caught by the teacher. It sucks, because after being forced out the classroom or getting his phone taken, his head would still be running trains of thoughts before his stomach finally growls and he's out looking for something to eat.

  
Suna asked him if he was okay.   
  
That itself was strange, since Suna always looked carefree, only ever interested on fights and dramas. Atsumu teased him which made the boy go away, but said that 'You might want to talk to someone about what happened'.

The blonde could only guess that 'what happened' was he saw someone almost killed themselves.

Well, if he had to be honest he was bothered by the fact it didn't feel like it was bothering him enough. He went through class normally and even finds Abe doing the same things. Even the people who were with him that night went through their days like nothing happened, Kita was still the amazing captain that he is, Suna was fine, even his brother didn't say anything about it anymore.

He expected Samu to say something the most, knowing that he's the one who became close with Abe first. That student even went all the way yelling at the journalism club because of the stalking for him. 

  
Said student also glared at him while they were hanging, and almost stabbed him.  
  
  
The blonde squeezes his eyes shut. He was currently in class right now and needed to focus...even if its terribly boring. Or at least he could think about something else.  
  
Atsumu spends the class hour planning how he's gonna steal his brother's snacks again.  
When he did, Osamu of course yells at him when he kept lying. He thought it was a little funny, but somehow when his brother insults him, it got on his nerves. Faster than usual.

Atsumu has been more dreams lately. They haven't turned into nightmares yet. But as he scrolls down, seeing Abe's tweet that they were one their way to get therapy, he was stuck inside his room, bored, one hand holding his phone, the other holding a ball.

Usually he'd practice, but he knows his body needs some rest. He was already practicing all day with his brother.

Sometimes when his mind had nothing to offer, his thoughts go back to the fact that someone just almost died, by their own hands. Sometimes, he dreams of it happening to other people. He dreams of himself drowning. He dreams of Kita telling him things that make his chest ache. He dreams of Suna's hanging corpse. He dreams of Osamu staring into his soul. He dreams of Sakusa disappearing. He dreams of Abe slicing him, slowly. He dreams of strangers following him everywhere.

  
It's been a week or more since Abe came back from their therapist, and apparently hang out with their friends. Friends being Sakusa and someone else Atsumu doesn't know, but he does knows Sakusa. A boy he's been trying to be close with, but he gets pushed away.   
  
But basing from the pictures they posted, it looked like they had fun. Sakusa was scowling in the picture, but held a giant stuffed bunny. The background was crowded, something he hated. The bunny being a prize he won while the others also did the same, just having their own prizes smaller compared to his.

Atsumu was upset, but didn't let himself be. It's not like Sakusa really liked him, no matter how hard Atsumu tried to approach, he gets pushed away. No matter how bad his dreams start to get, he wakes up, and forces himself to go back to sleep. He wasn't upset, after all, his head tells him that he's been through worst things, he should be able to get through this just fine.

  
  
Atsumu feels himself being more upset. More than usual.   
  


Atsumu watched as the girl who confessed to him this week cried, running away. It was dramatic, but he made no comment out loud. He finds himself understanding that opening up about things were hard. He realized that through the multiple rejections he's gotten from Kita.

The blonde draws inspiration from the way Kita does it. A simple 'Sorry, but no.' 

It was straightforward. Kita would wait for Atsumu to finish whatever he had, let him talk endlessly, and Kita respected it, but still rejects him. It was the most responsible thing to do, acknowledging both side. So Atsumu starts rejecting girls like that. 

So, he mocks girls when they get too close to him, but a genuine confession, he turns them down properly. Thanking for the admiration, but saying no to the relationship. Sometimes when the girls are too nervous, Atsumu throws in a compliment, saying that they were brave. 

Atsumu wasn't that much of an asshole, right?

  
The blonde turns, and tries to rush back to the Gym before he gets scolded for being late to practice again. 

' Atsumu, do you actually want to play volleyball? '

It was a one time thing. He only heard it once, but it bothers him. Whenever he gets scolded, he feels it being yelled at him. Of course he wants to play! Everyone should know that. 

He loved to play, and he finds joy on being able to do successful tosses. And whenever they practice, he gets to be competitive all he wants. He feels like himself the most on the court, like he's free.

Even when people think he's sometimes an Idiot on the court, at least he's enjoying himself.

In the end, Atsumu was a little late. Kita scolds him, and the blonde frowns at this. He knows that the captain was just doing his job, and he's at fault, but it still bothers him. 

He wasn't a kid, the scolding feels so unnecessary sometimes.

Later that night, he and his brother had a fight. A normal thing. Sometimes it escalates to punching, and when Osamu threw the first punch, Atsumu couldn't bring himself to fight back. So he just ended up throwing the bag of chips he stole and stomped to his room. 

He only did it because he knows that he might end up burning the food Osamu was trying to cook. 

He doesn't understand why he couldn't bring himself to punch back however. When it happened, he felt stuck in fear. It's not like this was their first fight though. They always fight, even in the kitchen.

Atsumu thinks it's because Osamu called him irresponsible. He groans at it. He wants to deny it. He wants to deny it, because he cleans!...sometimes. He sometimes does the other chores. Simple it may be, but he still helps! 

He doesn't throw a fit everytime, he can be the calm twin too! He can still passes his classes. He excels at volleyball, even if sometimes he's a little late. He's rude and lies all the time, but he has honest motivations and still tries to emphasize. He rejects everyone properly, and isn't clingy. He doesn't throw a fit when the attention he seeks internally isn't given. He didn't get angry when people keeps getting on his nerves, when his friends end up having more fun with others than with him, when his brother gets most of the praise compared to him, or when he's constantly mocked. 

So why can't he control his emotions now?

  
Atsumu has been having nightmares lately. He had a nightmare. It happens. But it shook him awake, leaving him panting as his eyes were wide. When he sat up, he found himself crying. It wasn't dramatic, but he finds himself pouting as he tries to stop crying.

He couldn't stop crying. He couldn't do anything and he hated it.  
  


Atsumu can't stop his sobs. He can only try to keep his voice down as he cries over a nightmare. A dream where he was stabbed by someone who looked exactly like him. 

It was dumb. It was stupid to him. And he felt like a child that he finds himself crying over it.

Even when he's been having the same nightmares lately. Sometimes he finds himself bleeding to death, sometimes drowning. Sometimes he sees someone hanging from a long rope. Sometimes it's him, sometimes it other people. And he'd wake up having trouble containing his emotions, and he feels awful when he can't. 

The phrase "you've been through worst things" doesn't help him anymore.

Maybe he was actually scared. Scared that someone like Abe could hurt him at anytime, or hurt anyone he cared about. Maybe He fears that some of his fans might do the same, maybe he's just as afraid as Osamu was. Maybe he does care a little about what people think of him, but it was easier to ignore and just enjoy himself. 

It was hard to understand since he's so convinced that he in fact, does not care. But here he is, afraid that if he lets out a sob, someone will show up and tell him he's crying over something stupid. 

So after the tears had stop peeking out and he had an internal fight in his head, he stands up to leave the house, even if it was dark outside.

He leaves a note, something he and his brother had agreed to do when one was going out all alone, most especially at night. For obvious reasons.

Though he hates to admit it, his brother was the real food lover, but it didn't mean he can't love food as well. He's not much of a good cook and doesn't eat a lot Osamu, but he still steals his snacks for a reason. When things are hard to bear, he and his brother often ate breakfast at midnight until one starts complaining or until they were both tired.

This was something Atsumu didn't know if he should share though. So he finds himself all alone in a store. He doesn't take long picking out the things he wants to buy. Soon enough, his arms were almost full. He'll probably just eat them all in his room until he's full and ready to sleep again.

Save for the fact that as soon as he turned around he completely jumps and drops everything.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you!" 

It was Abe. Well..The real one.

Atsumu forced a laugh as the two of them pick up the items. Abe was quiet. Neither talked much in school, unless Atsumu was poking fun or asking to borrow something. They texted a lot though. Abe was..aloof. It was hard to approach them, but Atsumu found out soon enough they were a complete softie. Not a goody two-shoes, and could still probably punch him in the stomach again for the third time, but..

"So uh. You twins like doing midnight snack runs or something?" Abe jokes, making a small smile as soon as they picked up everything.

Their eyes looked tired, they looked back like they just woke up from their own bed. Abe would probably do that, make a spot in this store their own bed and wake up to greet him, just to be weird. Abe was weird, that was the word. Something about them just screams 'be careful', maybe both in the good and bad way. 

"No. He just ate all my snacks again." Atsumu forces a smile. Abe pouts at this, "Nahh, bet you ate em all. Or maybe you're just hungry and couldn't find his stash.

The other chuckles as Atsumu yells a defensive "No I didn't!"

  
"You wanna hang out?" Abe asks, grabbing a large bag of chips. Atsumu shrugs. "Where to?"

"Just by a park, or anywhere you want. Just to eat and talk." Abe grabs a drink too, and something with caffeine. "Is it weird that it feels like you need it?"

The blonde scoffs. "No.." They look away, grabbing a drink as well. "I meant no that I don't need it." 

  
"Girl please you looked like you had a heart attack earlier."   
"Girl..???" 

Atsumu turns to look, and Abe was giving him a judgemental look. They started to approach the cashier to pay.

"Do I look scary? Like I know I'm ugly but damn, you turned around and really threw your hands in the air." 

He did, didn't he?  
Atsumu huffs.

Abe turns to him, frowning. "And you're quiet. Last time I saw a Miya in this store late at night was when your brother talked to me. So come on stupid, either try to talk to someone or let me make sure no one stalks you on your way home." 

The air outside was a little cold, but Atsumu knows it's getting warmer since the seasons were changing. The night sky was much more clear, showing the stars, giving a better view than the previous night. 

Atsumu ends up following the shorter one all the way to the park. It was the one he and Osamu used to visit, when they were MUCH younger.   
The blonde looks at the shorter one..well.. Not too short. Atsumu noticed that they were a bit taller. It's hard to notice, but with the two of them, the blonde didn't have any other things to analyze.

The two sat on a bench, and Abe was already opening a bag to eat. Atsumu does the same, remembering he was hungry. A cricket, or maybe a different bug, was making noise. It was the only thing that filled the empty park as the two munch on chips.

  
"..Are you jelouse of Sakusa?"

Atsumu chokes on his snack, and Abe panic, patting his back. After chugging his drink, The blonde clears his throat.

"No." He glares. "But why'd you ask?"

"Kiyoo-chan complains about you sometimes, now that I know you two know each other. I thought he might've told you something about our cake date."

The blonde freezes. It was a date???  
Abe seemed to notice though,

"Ah, but it's platonic. Just three guys getting cake. Hangin out. That stuff." they elaborated. "We're gonna hang out again soon. Sakusa is mostly in it because I'm still very bad at serving. Tendou wants to eat sweets, I think." 

Atsumu hums. Tendou was the name of the guy, huh?

  
"No, I'm not jealous." The blonde replies.  
"Do you want to talk about what's wrong then?"

No, Atsumu didn't. He didn't want to. But he can feel the other staring. It was annoying. It felt like when girls stared at him like he's a piece of meat. Or when people treat him like a god.

But as he turns to glare, Abe stared at him like the way they did back when the pool reflected the moon. Like Atsumu just gave an excellent serve on the court. That's the Abe his heart knew, and not the one in his head. Not the one in his dreams. And not the one from the locker room..he thinks.

He doesn't know what the other is thinking. They're not even close. But Atsumu feels like he's being pushed to talk. Maybe it's encouraging, or intimidating.

The blonde doesn't even realize his awkward smile as he crosses his arms.   
"Well, since you're so curious.." 

How's he going to explain this anyways?

_Hi! I'm still afraid that you might hurt me or someone, but I think I shouldn't be because If I can survive being degraded and stalked on a daily basis, I think I should be okay! I want to feel like I can handle things so so badly!_

  
He settles with asking; "What do you think of me?"

"I think you're a brat." 

_Okay yeah, he regrets this._ The blonde scoffs, glaring. Abe munches on their chips.  
"Sorry. But you kinda are. But I think everyone already knows that, as long as you don't push past boundaries, I don't really think you're a bad guy. Just a bit of a jerk, but your confidence is kinda admirable." 

Atsumu stops frowning at that, and sits back properly. 

"I'm not that confident." Atsumu looks up, placing his arms behind him. "It's kind of just a way for me to ignore everything else. It gets on my skin, y'know? People will adore me, will look at me like I'm a god, will lust at me like I'm meat. Then on the other hand, I get scolded for not helping, for being too careless, for being an ass, when I do try to get along; I get pushed away by people I want to be with." he gives another scoff. "I'm cool yes? I don't really care. I genuinely don't most of the time. As long as I can enjoy things, I'l be alright with whatever comment is thrown at me. But lately, every little comment is getting to me. I feel like if I fuck up soon everyone's gonna see and I don't know how to deal with that. It's gonna give me a complex. "

_Well, maybe he actually has one now._

Atsumu stays quiet. Abe waits. and waits if the blonde has something else to add. 

"I'm cool now though." He adds.

"So.. You're insecure.. and confused?" They reply. Atsumu frowns, somehow that sounded..It made him feel like something was wrong.  
"I'm sorry you feel that way but, have you ever tried considering just feeling as shitty as possible?" They add, frowning. 

The blonde crosses his arms. "Now why would I?"

"Because you need to feel things." Abe blinks. "You-.. I know it's hard, feeling bad of course, feels extremely bad. But if you don't let out your emotions they'll just stay in there. And what're people gonna do? Judge you?"

"What do you know about feeling bad anyways?"

Oops. Atsumu looks back, suddenly realizing what he said, and who he was talking to. Abe visibly looks like they were about to burst, and they did, yanking their hoodie to expose their neck more.

"Uh, fucking a lot?" They glared. "Maybe some people had it worst, but I've gone through enough and kept everything to myself until I've hit my breaking point. I can't even handle a simple problem without considering dying as my first option!" 

The mark on their neck was still visible. Hard to notice, but it was there.

Abe huffs, and raises their hands. "Sorry- sorry.." They sighed. "I just don't want you to end up like me..or worst."   
Atsumu doesn't know what to say. He hasn't really been in these kinds of situations. 

"At least tell someone, or let it out. Just don't keep holding it in pretending everything's fine."

None of them haven't touched their snacks now. Whatever bugs surrounded them are probably gone now. A breeze sweeps by, and the Blonde feels full of feelings.

_'I just don't want you to end up like me.'_

It echoed in Atsumu's head. He was still cared for..but..

"I'm scared of you." He admits. "or maybe I'm scared at what could happen. You punched me, you gave me a nasty glare when you were almost at your last breath, and almost stabbed me. I was wondering what would happen if it actually happened." He forces a giggle as he holds his shirt.   
"Or what would happened if it's someone else. Stabbed or hanged. I'd dream about it all the time. Then when I'm awake, things just bother me lately. I keep looking back, trying to find someone or 'Samu. When yer not there, I feel like maybe someone else might stalk me, and kill me. Some girl, or that creepy guy who used to follow 'Samu. Which is weird!" he laughs again, "I've been dealing with it since my first year. I've been doing just fine." 

Atsumu frowns, looking to the side. "Or maybe it just sank in. That It's probably not okay that I've gotten used to it. And that I could actually get in serious trouble just by existing."

Abe frowns, and whispers his name. But he wasn't finished.

"I try my best to be careful!" he swore. "I know how I look like to everyone. I know you see me like an overconfident dickhead. Loved by people, but to others like you, I'm just someone who fights my brother all the time and a class troublemaker. But I still try not to get into too much trouble. I still try to pass my class, I still try to get along with others..  
  
Fuck, I'm still trying to be friends with Sakusa! Even if he pushes me away! But my brother says I'm irresponsible, everyone still calls me a troublemaker and then others will drool over me for that kind of behavior and it's fucking disgusting. "

Atsumu swears loudly, grabbing his head. His snacks ended up getting spilled on the ground. The yell was loud enough to startle Abe, but they calm themselves down, and picked up the bag.

"I can't shower well thinking about it. Kita still probably thinks I'm just a kid. Sakusa just thinks I'm an annoyance. And everyone thinks 'Samu is better than me. It's like I'm just insignificant, and some days It's just hard. It's hard because I can't bring myself to ignore everything, push my confidence out there. I feel like one day it's gonna bother me on the court and they're gonna put me on the bench. I wish I can tell them. I wish I could but if they find out they're gonna hate me. I'm gonna lose all the people I care about, my only family, my volleyball team.." 

The blonde looks up, embarrassed that they were edging close to crying again.

"Maybe I am a brat..but do you really think I'm that childish?" Atsumu asks, "Maybe I am a perfectionist but It's like..If word gets out that I get so upset when people call me shit when I try so hard..that If I..That I'm not as great as I think I am...That maybe I really am just troublemaker.."

"Need a hug?" They ask, hesitant, but Atsumu's chest swells up. He pulled the other, and wraps his arms around. He swears. He whispers curses at himself, his hand gripping harder when he continues to cry. 

"'Tsumu.." They whisper again, rubbing his shoulder. Or what they can reach, The blonde helps by leaning down lower. closer.

"You're gonna be okay.. They're not gonna hate you." Abe whispers. "It's alright for you to be upset. They're not gonna hate you." They repeat, and Atsumu pushes his head. He looks up, face covered by the other's dyed curls. It was warm, his tears, his chest, and Abe. 

"I'm sorry..for everything. That I scared you, and the insults, and everything you've gone through." Atsumu feels one hand on his back move to his hair, playing with his bleached locks. Fingertips massaging his scalp.

  
Then Abe hit's the blonde. 

"OW!" Atsumu looks up, pouting. "Why'd you do that?"

"Because you are, in fact, kind of stupid." The other glares. "I swear, it's blonde people like you who get on my nerves." 

The blonde feels his nose gets pinched. And when he looks up again, Abe looks like they're about to tear up. How is this guy always ready to cry?

"I feel bad but stop being a dumb perfectionist!! The fact that people call you things is proof that you aren't perfect and everyone's already aware of that! And the only ones who call you that are the people who care about you anyways!" They sigh. 

"Care about me?" Atsumu asks, offended. "I get called names on a daily basis!"

"Oh boohoo I'm Atsumu my friends call me a dickhead." 

The blonde yanks Abe's collar for that, fuming. The other just glares back, despite the tears spilling already. But Atsumu doesn't care.

"You call your fans' names you stupid attention whore." They hissed. "You're already so fucking lucky you're loved by your fucking volleyball team, you have your brother, the whole campus fucking loves you. So much that even if you're such a dickhead girls swoon for you. You think being upset is gonna change that?" 

  
The blonde slowly lets go, slowly understanding. The shorter one winced as they sat back farther away, sniffling. 

"Shit makes my head hurt. You're just making me think you just don't love yourself. Bet your ass gave yourself high standards and now you think if you get sad you're vulnerable or some shit." Abe curses, and Atsumu looks away, feeling guilty.

They both stay quiet, until Abe stands up, saying they need to leave. Atsumu's hand responds quicker than he did, as he had grabbed the other's wrist. When the blonde looks, he realized how shorter they were again, and how much of a crybaby they actually are.

Guilt hits him again, which was frustrating to accept. But the truth is there, that he's afraid of the other and yet he scared them off. 

He knows, maybe. Maybe he knew deep down that he does in fact hate feeling vulnerable. He hates to think about it. To feel it. 

And yet when earlier, when he maybe considered he might not get pushed away if he was sad, when Abe convinced him he'll be okay. He felt welcomed, he felt relief. He felt like himself again. So as the other looks back at him, afraid, confused maybe. The blonde looks back, pleading for the other to stay, willing to accept anyone's company as long as he's not left alone. Afraid that he might start judging himself too hard again.

Abe frowns, before sitting back down, sighing. The blonde pulls them back to a hug. The other was surprised but, didn't say anything. The two hug again, even if it feels a little awkward, maybe both were too tired to talk about it. 

It takes a while. A little time for Abe to feel comfortable again, their heartbeat steadying as their hands start combing the blonde's hair again. And it took awhile for Atsumu to mutter a "sorry.." 

And a little while before he asks; "Let's say, hypothetically, I do start feeling upset, for reals, then what do I do?" 

The other snorts.   
"Then, hypothetically, you're supposed to feel your emotions and let go, move on. It might take a while but realistically, it's normal to be upset." 

The blonde frowns, leaning his head down on the other's shoulders, even if it's hurting his back. 

"Okay but what if hypothetically I get upset and it makes other upset or something bad happens."   
  
Abe hums, looking up for a bit. "Well, it usually means you let your emotions get ahead of you. That's something common most especially when you're not used to controlling your own feelings, but although emotions are valid it doesn't make you entitled to just do whatever you want." 

Atsumu feels stupid, for a second. Like it was such an obvious answer. But Abe still looked at him, though he can't tell what it's for, it felt genuine. The blonde hesitates to look back, but he still did. 

"Do you still think I'm a brat?"

"Absolutely." the other replies fast, which infuriates the blonde, still. "A dumb brat that is such a dumb perfectionist he thinks it's okay for him to force his feelings down because he's insecure about being emotionally vulnerable. " They squeezed his cheeks, which made Atsumu whine. "I hope you learn to love your vulnerability."

Though it was a sigh, the last part sounded gentle to the blonde. A small wish for his sake. Atsumu feels the same, he thinks. He looks down, and remembers that maybe he is, in fact, putting too many high standards. And yet he's still in the volleyball team, his brother still hasn't abandoned him, and he's still loved by many despite his fuck ups. 

Abe looks at him and he remembers that maybe he is loved, and the only one preventing him from feeling that is himself.  
  
  
  


"You're feelings are valid, but it doesn't entitle you to ruin things for others."  
They gasp, and looked around. "Dude, that was the most **pog** advice I ever gave." 

Atsumu laughs, and pushes himself back. "What the fuck?"

Well, the advice was good. He makes sure to keep it in his head.

"IM SERIOUS- ITS SO HARD FOR ME TO COME UP WITH WORDS YOU KNOW." Abe laughs as well. "And seriously, it's like, hard, but, It took me awhile to actually understand it. If you're sad just be sad man, if someone says you're a pussy for it, fuck em. Who the fuck wants that kind of toxic mentality anyways?" 

The blonde smiles, and doesn't pull himself away just yet.  
  
"Abe-san, you're kind of stupid, aren't you?"

"Yeah well, so are you, for a perfectionist on the court." The other pouts, and grabs the blonde's face, which took him by surprise. "Seriously, I feel bad, and it's good that your standards are high and stuff but it's okay for you to feel bad every now and then, your feelings aren't fucking volleyball." 

Abe glares but they wore a lazy smile, still tired from the lack of sleep. Their hand that was on top of his head starts trailing down on his cheek though. "can't believe I'm talking about insecurities to a pretty boy. Give me some of your good looks."

Atsumu feels his face warming up, and pushes Abe's hands away, which they only seemed to notice at that moment. But he laughs.

"Pretty boy?" He finds himself smiling again, and relieved enough to feel carefree again. "You wish you were this good looking huh?"

  
He still feels a bit afraid, that he might get judged if he ever tells anyone that aside from his confidence and care-free attitude, he does get upset. Maybe he doesn't deserve it, since he is a jerk most of the time. That maybe it makes him feel entitled if he tells everyone to stop calling him irresponsible. The loud and messy twin. 

But right now as he pokes fun at Abe who still kept their hand back on his head, he felt like he was welcomed. Atsumu is being looked at with adoration, genuine, welcoming, he can't do the same, but he wished he could make the other feel like that too. Like everything was okay, no one is going to judge.


	15. One day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dear Abe-chan, just get over it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically just more cola chan bullies abe chan   
> EDIT: uh more cola chan lore bc I wanted to explain more as to why shes doing stuff

One day

"Dear Abe-chan, just get over it."

Cola chan liked it when she gets what she wants. Well, most people do. In doing so, she know's the risks and everything that comes along. For her, it's the attention. It's not bad, but it definitly a lot of responsibility. 

She doesn't remember how she got into this position. All she knows is she tends to make fun of people and does what she pleased, and somehow, it gathers attention. It's fun, but in doing so she has control over the flow of rumors in school, wherever she goes eyes are on her. It's fun..sometimes.

It's why she's spent so much of her time away from crowded areas of the school. When all is done, and she needs a break, she's near a vending machine with a can of cola in her hands.

  
She only ever teases people because it was fun, that's all. 

She also makes sure whatever rumor flies around doesn't end up causing harm.

  
That last part, is something she keeps low, and also does because she wanted to. Not because she feels bad, or anything.

Cola of course knew about the volleyball club, they're that popular. But she only ever got involved because of a classmate. When she realized she can change whatever rumor comes out of the club, she only used it just because she wants to, but by doing so, she knows she also becomes responsible for whatever comes next.

So here she is, Third year, and listening to the newest rumor. Something about a girl getting into the pants of some first year volleyball club member. 

Of course, it was false. Cola sighs, crossing her arm.

Rintaro gives him a look. The boy was younger than her, but they both are on the same position. Only ever doing what they want. They share gossips, and she teases him too..sometimes. But they weren't friends. 

Cola had friends, don't get the story wrong. She has lots of people she's close with, and she's satisfied with that. Her concern goes to the responsibility of having to be the mature one and making sure bad rumors stay just rumors. But she doesn't really care enough about the club to do it, and she's a graduating student.

All she ever wanted was to poke fun and empty cola cans from vending machines.

  
But for almost three years she's kept a schedule. Schedule of people to check up on, making sure whatever was floating around isn't gonna cause damage to people, she'd feel bad for not being able to do something when she can do so much about it. 

The only ever recent change on that schedule is the appearance of someone else.

Second-year transferee, Abe-chan, or how Riseki-chan calls.

Abe has some friends. _..she thinks_ _._

They were a bit too honest sometimes. She know two people that the student talks to, and recently they've been having lunch with the Miya twins. She also hears other things from Rintaro himself, finding interest on a student trying to be androgynous that's around his age.

Doesn't matter what they though, to Cola the kid was making friends. She also knows that recently, every morning they go to the volleyball club gym. She only ever picked it up from the juniors, and it left her thinking that maybe the first years just like hanging around with second years that much. 

Cola chan teases them every morning for lots of things. Because she wanted to. 

Abe was a bit too honest. Their reactions were always too genuine. 

One Tuesday, Kita talks to her, and maybe God was either blessing her or was being cruel.

  
Abe likes their interactions with Kita and Riseki-chan though. They love those the most.

  
The captain was strict and just knew how to handle his own team well, that itself was admirable. Abe already gets tired looking at the twins whenever they have problems, and though they did love the freshmen, the kids also just have so much energy and questions, it's not like Abe knows what they're doing as well. They're just happy to help motivate the others by being the worst guy to play volleyball. A living 'hey look at me, at least you're not as bad as me.'

  
But Kita sometimes approaches them, asking if they were okay and sometimes giving advice, or pointing out why Abe keeps making the same mistake.

"Like this," Kita demonstrates, doing a simple serve. Abe manages to do a clumsy one, but they managed to hit it. They smile, but shivers, remembering their fears. Kita notices, and always pats them on the head, calming them down, even if it's just a little. 

Abe always appreciates it. They don't know why someone like him would even bother, but they still always appreciate it.

"If you don't mind me asking," He starts one day. "Why did you call me a 'perverted angel' ?"

The other turns away, embarrassed. They were hoping the captain forgot about that.

"Well it's just, I only just recently found out you liked cleaning everywhere and when I got there I jus thought. You were only wearing gloves in a girls locker so I thought..you know.." Abe mutters, trying to explain it. Kita hums.

"And..'angel'..?"

"You're really good-looking!" Abe grins. "Well, I know it sounds creepy but like, I thought you were a prince! You have like, really nice hair, pretty lashes and eyes and stuff." They gesture to their own face. 

"Is that so?" 

The boy passes the ball to Abe again, they try to do another serve, but misses. They frown. They've been practicing for awhile now, but can't even manage the bare minimum. Even Sakusa has tried to teach them. 

"I'm not interested in dates." Kita says, and Abe hits a serve, but mostly because they tripped. They turned to the captain, blushing.

"I'm not trying to ask you out!" They said, defensive. "I mean, It would be nice and cool but don't want to be in a relationship again. Besides, Atsumu would probably get me." 

Kita blinks. "Is he still trying to ask me out?"  
"Is he..not?"

The captain hums. "I think he's still texting me pick-up lines, but I haven't responded." 

"Is that so..."

Abe goes back to practice by themselves, and soon enough Kita has to go assist in practicing with his team members.

Riseki-chan was sweet. Hira was her first name, and Abe wished they can call her that too. Ever since they talked, She'd come up to Abe when no one else would. Not for their help or something, just to talk. She'd ask them for their own opinions, ask if they hear whatever latest rumor is floating around. 

She'd introduce them to other students too. Not that Abe's shit memory would remember all the time, but they felt appreciated. They felt like a normal student who had a friend.

Abe might be a little whipped for her.

They'd find themselves staring at her, wanting to be able to re-pay Hira's kindness. And unfortunately, as the days go by, when Hira starts holding Abe's wrist to go around campus, when Hira starts being there when Abe walks home just before they split ways, Their crush gets more and more worst.

or better, if they tried to be optimistic.

Hira's brother knows, and well, most of the volleyball team also knows. But it was the brother himself that was trying to push them together. He said that he's never seen his sister with anyone else.

That sense of hope made Abe want to try, but they were still unsure.

This was where the phrase ' _She's always kind_ ' pops up.

She was always kind, to everyone and even the teachers. Abe has seen the way shes treats girls, boys, teachers, elders. It's the same thing, even the way she treats them. It should be obvious that Abe had no chance.

"How's it going with Riseki-san? You ever plan on confessing?" Cola asked one day, giving her smirk. The shorter one was quick to look away, mouth pressed into a thin line. Daily she'd be right on time just to poke fun of Abe. 

And she's now persistent on being there now that she has hit a weakness, one that Abe keeps failing to even reply at. 

It was nothing personal, they think. At first maybe it was a little revenge. How dare they enter her territory, poking fun of the twins when she was the one who used to do it the most at school? But now it was simply just to keep her roll going. She can't be the school's teasing master if she can't hit all student's weak points!

Then one day they receive news, something Cola was excited to deliver. Said gossip wasn't juicy, but Cola-chan saw the light flicker out of Abe's eyes when she was the one who told them.

It was a Tuesday, and Abe was right on time, but Cola-chan was there extra early. 

"Have you heard?" She asked, giving her smug grin..extra smugness.

Abe just glares as usual, and tries to walk past her. But no, oh no. She had to tell them. She just had to.

"Hira-chan's straight."

It was a simple fact. It was common. and It was also the hard truth for someone like Abe. So Cola-chan was there, to give the news before anyone else did. And she stood there, graceful, as the one shorter than her looks devastated. A little confused, but they stood, frozen.

Cola knew that even if she dressed in boys uniform, that even if someone like Abe wore pants, they're still undeniably referred to as a girl most of the time by everyone. It would also mean that for Abe to like a girl, they'd have to make sure said girl was also into women.

If she wasn't then the other had no chance. That's the simple truth.

So Cola watches with satisfaction as Abe leave, not saying a word.

Abe knew it was ridiculous since they had no chance from the beginning anyways. But when Riseki greets them, they can't look back. When she had asked with a sweet voice "Abe san, are you alright?"

Their chest hurts, but they nod. Using a "Just not feeling well today" As an excuse.

Atsumu points, saying "Abe san, you look depressing." 

It was rude, and Osamu nudges him, but Abe doesn't mind. They use the same excuse as well. 

"I'm just not feeling well, sorry." They said. 

Heisuke sat on a different table, but he shoots Abe an apologetic look. Abe just forces a smile, they knew they'll get over it.

  
"Where's Kita?" Atsumu then asks, looking around. Abe of course looks around as well. They knew that the captain often ate lunch on another table just behind them. They always thought it's for Atsumu to easily admire the captain, but they can't find the white-haired boy anywhere.

"Oh, he's with Cola."

Abe freezes. Atsumu gasps, and when Abe looks, and in a faraway table they see Kita and Cola together. Aran explains that it's for something important.

Well, it did look important, knowing Kita, but Cola makes eye contact, and smirks.

Maybe it was directed to Atsumu, maybe to also them, maybe both. Whatever it is, it gets under Abe's skin. It can't be coincidental. There's just no way.

But Heisuke texted them earlier, and it was the truth. And later that afternoon, as Abe stays away to practice by themselves, Kita didn't approach them. Instead, they would find Kita talking to Cola-chan outside. No one knew why.

Or maybe Hira knew, but they haven't talked lately. It was okay, Abe couldn't even look at her straight in the eye again. It was hard.

"What's wrong with you lately, you look like you're grumpier than usual!" Cola teases, ruffling Abe's hair. "Oooh! Your hair is getting longer! And greasier." She snickers. 

Well Abe admits, they haven't gotten over the fact the girl they had a crush on was pretty much out the dating options. And now the boy they have a crush on is hanging out with the person they hated the most.

"I heard that you were lookin' for Kita the other day" She whispers, Abe shakes their head. "That was Atsumu."

"Is that so?" She leans, "Can you tell him then I've been going out with Shinsuke~"

Shinsuke. Not Kita.

"What? Why are you so surprised? Didn't the others tell you? Oh right! You're not part of the volleyball team!"

Abe clicks their tongue, moving past Cola to get to their class. Their own shoes made loud stomping sounds that made everyone move in the corridor. Cola snickers to herself.

Cola returns the next day, going after Abe in the morning. 

"Heyyy!" She waves. "So why did you start stomping yesterday? I could hear your footsteps above you know?" 

She points above, smiling. "Don't tell me you're mad! You're not even really in the volleyball team! There's no point getting so fussy over it" Cola pokes. Abe tried to move past, but the upperclassman kept covering the path.

"Did you perhaps..want to join? You were always watching the court anyways.." She hums, looking to the side. "When Kita invited me over It was surprising to see you there! But all you did was watch the players..you were barely practicing.." 

Abe knew where it was going, and they start trying to come up with a reply, or to at least try to get away already.

"Were you just there to watch the boys? That's creepy you know!"

Cola ends up getting pushed away so Abe could finally leave. The other lets out a shaky sigh, feeling like they'd kill for some peace. 

Abe wasn't even trying to be creepy. Maybe it was, they did look a lot. But it was mostly to mesmerized how the boys played. If Hira invited them to the girl's volleyball gym instead, they'd probably be doing the same thing there.  
But their gaze lingers for a bit longer that afternoon. Abe wasn't a volleyball player, they weren't even good at it, and they had some sort of fear/hate relationship with it. 

There's no way they'd want to be in the team.

But as they watch the players hang out, talking like they once did when Abe got invited to the sleepover, they feel themselves craving to feel like that again. To feel welcomed.

It's not like they don't talk to the others, they did, but it was rarely. And lately it's getting harder because they're still upset over the fact that they're jealous.

Jealous that they're not a guy. Jealous that the guy they like is having more time with the person they hate, and even might be dating. Jealous that they're finding themselves wishing they can be something they're not. Something they'll never be. 

It was supposed to go away when they practice. Because they play by themselves. But Cola even shows up to now start mocking them in their little corner. Abe was trying to do a serve, but the ball lands near to Cola who was out of the blue, approaching them.

"Playing by yourself? That's pitiful." She mocks, throwing the ball. Abe clumsily catches it. They glared. 

"Why're you practicing anyways? If you had to do it for the match before exams just do it with the others!" She points to the other students. "Or..are you shy?"

No shit they were. Abe frowns.

"Give me a serve! You must've practiced it by now right?" She waves, and lowers herself, getting ready to receive. "Come on!" 

They turned away, grasping the ball tightly. It was infuriating, but they wanted to stay calm and just be left alone. Most of the students were already leaving them alone for being a strange foreigner, and for clearing up those Miya twin rumors. It's just Cola-chan. It's just fucking Cola-chan and her smug grins and constant talking that's pushing Abe's buttons.

"'daww, that's a shame. Thought maybe all those times you spent staring at the boys would've helped." She sighs, standing properly again. "Guess you're really just a creep huh?"

The whole thing gathered everyone's attention inside the gym. That's very much the last thing they needed, attention. It was rude, to them, and to the ones practicing, second years have a match coming up after all, and the volleyball club was working hard as usual. 

It was rude. Cola-chan was rude, and she just never quits. It was rude for her to let her mouth to run like that.

  
Abe continues to walk further, but stops and turns around. "Cola-san, you're a senior," they start, "you should know better than to disrupt a student trying to practice."

Abe does a perfect serve that Cola couldn't receive. It was quick. The way they turned, infuriated. The ball smacking Cola's face echoed in the gym as Abe lands from their jump. The heavy steps they took caught everyone's attention, but they didn't move yet. 

Cola-chan watched as the other stomps and her uniform gets pulled, her face forced to level with the shorter student. 

"What about you, senpai?" They hissed. "Is this all you fucking do? Your last year and you spend it just trying to rile people up? For what cause? You're just gonna spill your mouth everywhere looking for fights every single day?" They pushed, Trying to make Cola to stumble back.

"That's pitiful."

Atsumu shows up, grabbing Abe's arm to pull them back while other students try to approach either of them. Cola stood, and glared back, trying to pull off a smile. 

"Abe-san, calm down." He hissed, pulling the shorter student back. Cola smirks as Kita behind her asks if she was okay.

But Cola-chan knew that was rude. That's why when her face gets patched, no one makes a comment. Although, she remembers she was a year older again.

Such is the life of someone pretty, you often forget you're older.

Cola looks at Abe who was being calmed down by the others. The reaction was exactly what she was looking for. Though, getting hit by a ball was definitely something else. She knew how bad the junior's fear of flying balls was, it was funny hearing about it. Should she feel proud?

Maybe not. They weren't close. But Cola felt satisfied, because the entire time, she was looking for answers under the guise of her provoking her underclassman. 

Abe lets her run her mouth, but doesn't let her push it. The whole thing earlier just further proves that. It also left Cola knowing that they do prioritize their time, and surprisingly, their practice. 

She doesn't care enough about sports to think like that, It's why it was easy for her to provoke Abe in a damn gymnasium. And yet the alleged 'not sporty guy who hates volleyball and sleeps a lot' just seemed to care about practice anyways.

And lastly as some volleyball club members calm Abe, Cola realizes something. Even if the other doesn't realize it, they're being welcomed. Maybe in the club, or to be a friend to the members. Cola isn't sure when that happened, but it's there.

The days have been going on by fast, and Cola has grown tired of her schedule. Whatever God was out there maybe did bless her, but she guessed she had to take responsibility if there was something she wanted.

First responsibility was to apologize to her junior. 

Abe shows up, cola in hand on a Monday. Cola shows up, and she hides something behind her.

"Oho?" She snickers. "What's that? Is that for me?" She tilts her head. "Are you trying to apologize to your senpai?"

"You hid sprite behind you moron." Abe huffs. They already noticed it before Cola could even notice them. Cola clicks her tongue and pulls out the bottle.

"Yeah yeah, here." 

Abe didn't expect an apology either, so when they exchanged bottles, tears start to prick out. Cola snorts.

"Are you crying?"

She pokes the other one, who does end up spilling the tears. Abe rubs their arm all over their face.

"You're a fucking asshole man," They manage to say. Cola sighs, and starts patting her underclassman. "Right right."

As Abe looks up, Cola gives a softer smile. "Sorry, I went a little too far, didn't I?" 

"No shit." Abe pouts, looking away. The students who were looking avoided eye contact with them. Cola huffs, placing her arms on her hips.

"Ah! But I found your weakness now!" She laughs, poking Abe's sides. The other slaps her hand away. "And you're a sad senior with nothing better to do." They hissed, but gave a smile this time.

"Oh please, you like talking to me." Cola crosses her arms. "I'm doing you a favor too. Can't believe you still haven't joined any clubs. You're younger than me, go enjoy yourself while you can." she nudges. 

Cola pauses, but also adds a name, as a treat.

"Tsundere."  
  


"I am NOT-"

"Abe-san!" 

A different person joined in, and as Abe looks up, it was just the twins. Right, Abe must've forgotten to reply to Atsumu's 3 am memes. The blonde pouts, and points as he and his brother climb the stairs. 

Abe just gives a thumbs up. "I fell asleep, I'll look later."

"Not that idiot! Heisuke was looking for you!"

Abe nods, and the two disappeared. When they turned to Cola, she was taking a sip from her cola. She hums.

"So that's why you're so pissy about the team.." She mutters. "You've gotten close with them huh?" She smiles. Abe shakes their head.

"Have I?" They asked, genuinely confused. "I mean..I guess."

"Oh come on, you can't be stupid." Cola frowns. Abe frowns back, but doesn't reply.

Cola bursts out laughing. "NO- YOU ARE?" She snickers. "The team has pretty much adopted you! The freshmen treat you like a sibling, you eat with the twins, second years are already on casual terms with you, Kita talks about you, The third years try to give you advice-"

Abe lights up. "Kita talks about me?"

"You'd like to know, wouldn't you?" She teases, but clears her throat. "Anyways, I'm sorry about your uh.. failed crushes. But hey, at least the volleyball club is close with you" She nudges. Cola takes her leave first, waving her hand as she sips on her cola with the other.

Abe stands, unsure on how to react. They look away though, flustered.

  
"Nikko-kun~" Cola calls out, and starts teasing a flustered boy in her class. He has to be her favorite if she had to be honest. She continues on, poking until one of her classmates enter the classroom through the back. 

"Hold on~" She coos, pinching the boy's cheek before walking to talk to Kita who just got inside. She waves "Goodmorning!"

"Goodmorning," Kita replies. Putting down his bag, Kita asks "You said you found someone?"

Cola hums, pulling a chair to borrow. "You said anyone right?"  
The white-haired boy hums and nods.

"We don't really need one, but the freshmen thought it would be nice. Since It's not mandatory, I figured I'd ask you if you knew someone." He scratches behind his back. "The club hasn't had a manager for years for obvious reasons, so I wouldn't know how to pick. If we get someone troublesome, we'll just kick them out. The most I can do is just help anyone do the job," 

"And you others like me to pick." Cola finishes the sentence. She smiles, "Why not pick the kid who's always there every morning and evening?" 

"Who?"  
"You know who I'm talking about."

As Cola fixes her tie, Kita blinks, pondering.

"Abe-san?"

"Well, no one outside the club is friendly enough with the club members unlike her, juniors already hang out with them in the mornings, you know the stuff. They're also just enough of an ass to take care of the twins. It fits you know? Plus you guys managed to stir up some love for volleyball in them, just enough to make them serve a ball to my face." She laughs. 

"If you're ever considering a manager for the club.."

"Abe-san..huh.." Kita finishes, and hums. "Okay." He nods, and thanks Cola-chan for helping. She stands up and walks back to the boy she wanted to tease. Finally, she can go back to doing whatever she pleased, and Kita's whipped fans can stop glaring at her.

"How'd it go?" Nikko asks, Cola smiles and sits on the boy's desk. "Good." she hums to herself, pleased.

Whatever cruel god was out there, Tuesdays might be 'torment abe' days.

On Tuesdays, Cola thinks about how she wants to do whatever she pleases but doesn't care enough to deal with whatever responsibility she was left with. She can't keep feeling responsible for being able to have control over the flow of rumors, because reality is, she's already too old to care for it. She wants some changes or needs someone who actually does give a shit about it.

So whatever cruel god was out there, maybe think she's cute. On Tuesdays, Cola gets whatever she wants.

**Author's Note:**

> fake texts, social medias, and drawings i stash are in https://dear-abe-chan.tumblr.com/


End file.
